Sucks So Good: True Blood 4.6, "I Wish I Was The Moon"
Let's start this week off on a celebratory note and give a round of congratulatory applause to my pretend best friend Denis O'Hare on his marriage! If only I had known about this (adorable!) event in advance; I surely would have sent a gift, which hopefully would have been the ticket I need to bump our friendship up from "imaginary" to "legit" but more likely would have pushed me from "weirdo blogger" to "on a watchlist".
After the jump and Joe Manganiello being pretty, "I Wish I Was The Moon"!
His Majesty Bill Compton, Duke of The Cockblockers
As soon as Pam spilled the beans last week that Sookie was harboring the ridiculously cute, memory-free Eric, we knew that Bill would be speed-flying his way over to her house in about three seconds to rage about lies and liars and that he would interrupt a hot makeout session between Eric and Sookie and would be all scandalized, and then he'd clutch his pearls and rage about THAT.
How right we were! Sookie was getting herself a piece of a hot Nordic sex god when in flies Bill. The vamps fight and Eric is ready to stake Bill when Sookie informs him that Bill is his King. Eric is stricken. The puppy dog eyes go even puppy...doggier (go with it) and he refers to Bill as "my liege" and bows to him.
Bill brings Eric back to his mansion in captivity and, just for funsies, silvers him.
Eric: Sookie, stop. You don't have to do this. You've done too much for me already.
Bill: Yes, you certainly have.
Sookie: That's what this is about? You've been sticking your fangs and who knows what else into every girl in town, but the second I move on, you arrest him?
Bill: Believe me, my existence does not revolve around what or who is between your legs.
Sookie: Don't you dare speak to me that way!
What a dick Bill is, for serious. I loved that Sookie gave it back to him, and got in some digs earlier about the multitude of lies he's told to her and about her; she was actually in great form for the entire episode. Righteous fury and protecting her brother really work wonders for her. Anyway, she vows not to leave until Eric is released, but Bill coldly orders his guards to have her arrested if she ever steps foot on his property again. Way harsh, Tai!
"Pieces of me are falling off. I'm pissed!"
While incarcerated, Eric had some delightful scenes with his progeny, proving that Eric doesn't need his memory in order for interactions with Pam to be hilarious.
Eric: It smells like death in here.
Pam: It's me.
After he voiced his support for King Bill, Pam lost it.
Pam: He's a self-loathing, power-hungry, pompous little dork. And you hate his guts!
Eric: That is treason!
The use of the word dork makes it art.
She tried mightily to spark a fire in him and get him to fight, but the fond memories she chose to share as highlights of their relationship (killing, fucking, ripping organs out with a single fang) only served to horrify the new Eric, who is ashamed of everything he once was.
Unbeknownst to either of them, Bill got permission from Nan Flanagan to punish Eric with the true death. Which I am so sure will happen, but I guess they need to pretend to be dramatic and suspenseful.
Evil Mikey/Evil Doll started a fire at Terry and Arlene's that eventually led to the whole house exploding. Luckily, everybody was safe and sound outside. Including Mikey. He and his doll were just randomly chilling outside of the house before all of this happened. SUSPICIOUS, ISN'T IT?! Also, he happily greeted an...apparition? Spirit? I am not going to even hazard a guess, because this is True Blood, so it could literally be anything.
The most important part of this story, though? FELIX.
I Have...Feelings About Tommy Mickens
This character. I just cannot. It's like a rollercoaster of reactions.
SCENE #1: "Awww, Tommy!"
When Sam called to ask him to open the bar while he dealt with the fire at Terry and Arlene's, poor Tommy was just gutted and numb to the world, filled with grief and guilt and it was really sad!
SCENE #2: "Eff, Tommy!"
As Sam, he immediately fired Sookie the moment she stepped foot into Merlotte's, telling her "he" doesn't see what's so special about her and gleefully relishing the chance to kick her out. He chuckled evilly and swaggered around Sam's office. I wanted to kick his face.
SCENE #3: "Eh, Tommy!"
He almost had me feeling bad when he had to hear Maxine berate him to "Sam", calling him "dumber than a bucket of spit" and declaring him dead to her. He did look legitimately pained to hear someone affirm his belief that he is the world's worst person.
SCENE #4: "UGH, TOMMY!"
But it didn't stop him from having sex with Luna, as Sam, and then immediately berating her in an absurdly cruel and humiliating fashion. UGH, TOMMY. THE WORST!
SCENE #5: "Dead Tommy?"
I guess shifting into a person takes a lot out of you, because shifting back into himself made Tommy physically ill and Sam found him unconscious and vomity. Fingers crossed that this near-death experience (because I'm sure he's not dying) makes him less reprehensible.
Oh, and it needs to be said: Sam Trammell was BRILLIANT as Tommy this week. Just brilliant.
Sookie: I should have known. This is a sex thing, isn't it?
And after scoffing at the notion of werepanthers ("It's like a werewolf, except a big-ass cat", he explained), she wound up being very sweet and supportive of her brother's problem and pledged to stand by him no matter what kind of claws and other feline features he started to sprout. And for his part, he was really concerned about doing anything that would hurt her.
Tara Has Some 'Splaining To Do
An angry Naomi came to Bon Temps to ask Tara what the hell the deal is with concocting an entire identity and lying to her for months. Tara explained the tragic circumstances of her young life, and Naomi was pissed, but eventually moved past it.
Later, they went to Merlotte's and at the very end of the episode, we accosted by a vengeful Pam. I spent the entirety of their last scene just waiting for something horrible happen to one or both of them (probably Naomi; all things considered--and yes, I'm including nearly being bitten by Eric here--Tara's had it pretty okay lately, so she needs a new tragedy). I guess there's always next week!
Here's Debbie and Alcide, Barely Integrated Into The Plot At All!
Alcide walked into his house to find last week's sketchy pack master hanging out with Debbie in the living room. Because, um, she joined his pack behind Alcide's back. And he's putting on the hard sell to get Alcide to join as well, saying that Alcide is just the wolf they need. Alcide is angry and Debbie tries to explain that she needs a life outside of him or else she'll go all nutty/trashy (foreshadowing? I HOPE SO!).
Much later, he and Debbie made their way to the pack meeting and stumbled across Sookie in the woods, totally randomly.
Debbie was, as per usual, ridiculous in her interactions with Sookie ("Hey, Sookie! Did I scare you?"). The two of them did manage to shed some light on the werepanther thing, after being offended by Sookie likening werewolves to cats, by explaining that a person can't be turned into a were; it's hereditary. Sookie sped off to fill Jason in on the good news, and Debbie sped off to their pack meeting, but Alcide was concerned about whatever was going on with Sookie.
I like Alcide AND Debbie; I just wish they weren't such random parts of the show.
During her very first shift as a server, Jessica sensed that Jason was scared witless and zoomed into the woods to save him. He had a full-fledged panic attack and she super sweetly talked him through it and calmed her down (with the help of her boobs) and then sat with him under the full moon, reasoning that the night she was made was so terrifying, she wouldn't want anyone else to go through that alone. And my heart was warmed. Am I a bad Hoyt and Jessica fan if I am intrigued by these two? Dating Jason Stackhouse only leads to heartache for most women, and I don't want that for Jess, but on the other hand...cuuuuuuuuute.
Jason: Those Hotshot fuckers are so dumb, they can't even make a werepanther right!
And they kept talking. He asked if she regrets being turned into a vampire, but she says no. She's excited to be fast and strong, and knows now that her world is full of possibility. When Jason confessed that he wishes he was special, she is shocked that someone like him--a high school football hero who is basically a perfect human specimen--would ever feel like that. It's all very meaningful, and they both realized it and become impossibly awkward and he jetted out of there. He whacked her arm as a goodbye and she sort of did a fist pump, and then they hysterically promised not to tell Hoyt about any of it and I am left so confused about their cuuuuuuteness.
Something Witchy This Way Comes
Everything about Marnie's storyline is terrifying.
When we first encountered her tonight, she was sitting in her cell cutting herself and crying, begging the spirit/witch of the olden times to protect her. And protect her she will, since she winds up using Marnie as a vessel! But first, another horrifying flashback: the witch (Antonia) is captive and being fed on by priests; one of the priests just happens to be last week's Captain Exposition, Luis. And in order to terrify her to make the blood sweeter, he...rapes her. It's horrifying. Then we see her being burned at the stake again and casting the spell that brings all of the vampires out into the sun, where they set ablaze by the sun. Basically, it's a couple of minutes of burning flesh and agonized screaming. You know, your typical Sunday night.
Towards the episode's end, Sheriff Luis observed Marnie in her cell and saw in her eyes that she's Antonia and rushed to go see her, thrilled to have a chance to get revenge for his maker.
Marnie/Antonia: I know, I look different. But you made such a mess of my last body, this one will have to do.
He was excited to make her scream this time, which...ugh. But she performs a quick spell and suddenly?
Something Witchy This Way Comes, En Espanol
Lafayette and Jesus had an extremely awkward meal of goat tongue with Jesus's terrifying grandfather who snarked on their need for help and agreed to possibly assist them if they brought him a sacrifice. They bring him a snake, he calls them fucking idiots, the snake bites Jesus, to protect Jesus, Lafayette is taken over by Tio Luca? I have no idea, basically.
Why Don't We Just Do It In The Woods?
Eric took his impending death like a champ.
Eric: According to my progeny, I was--I am, a barbarian thug who has never respected your authority. I don't expect you to show me any mercy.
Bill: Surely you dont wish to die?
Eric: No, but I don't wish to live this way, either.
He does request that he release Pam, who is hardly a threat since her body is decomposing, and asks that Bill tell Sookie that he was born the night he met her and that he "went to [his] true death knowing what it means to love". Bill is overwhelmed and perplexed by all of this and startled when Eric observes that Sookie still cares for Bill, and hopes that, once he's dead, they find their way back to each other because Sookie deserves to be happy. On the one hand: aww! But on the other, sort of laying the Bill/Sookie thing on a little thick, yeah?
Regardless, it turns out that Bill lets him go, which causes him to brood outside with a goblet of blood.
Eric and Sookie, meanwhile, run to each other in the woods and then totally do it under the full moon.
What did you think, Serial Drama readers? Are you similarly stoked for next week's show? Team Vampire or Team Witch? Did you scream at the sight of Felix, too?