If it weren't for--I probably should have started this post with a disclaimer, because what I'm about to type is shocking and I think it would be safest for all of you if you read this while sitting and avoiding drinking, lest you faint or choke, which would make me feel incredibly guilty--Sonny (RIGHT? About the shocking? SONNY!), I'd have probably fast forwarded the entirety of today's episode of General Hospital. I mean, Carly and Shawn forcing charm? The ongoing shenanigans with Sam's engagement ring? Franco (yes, Franco is back, because why not? Why not give the eighteen remaining viewers a reason to tune out?) evilly/cheerfully monologuing to his cymbal-playing monkey about his (futile) plans for the destruction of the world? It was basically the living definition of a must-miss episode.
Except for Sonny's fit of RAGE and Patrick hotly and hot-headedly giving it right back to him which caused Sonny to become flustered and when Sonny gets flustered, his grasp on the English language and commonly accepted methods of conversing...um, those things disappear. It was immensely entertaining.
A barely paraphrased recap follows; I italicized the lines that were actually spoken, because they were too amazing to satirize.
SONNY: I want to talk about my daughter's health...and yours.
MATT: Relax, dude.
SONNY: Don't talk to me while I'm trying to menace you. Why can't my daughter walk? You better hope she recovers, Doc. You know what happens to people who...who don't...who don't HOPE? DEATH!