Pride and Petulance
If it weren't for--I probably should have started this post with a disclaimer, because what I'm about to type is shocking and I think it would be safest for all of you if you read this while sitting and avoiding drinking, lest you faint or choke, which would make me feel incredibly guilty--Sonny (RIGHT? About the shocking? SONNY!), I'd have probably fast forwarded the entirety of today's episode of General Hospital. I mean, Carly and Shawn forcing charm? The ongoing shenanigans with Sam's engagement ring? Franco (yes, Franco is back, because why not? Why not give the eighteen remaining viewers a reason to tune out?) evilly/cheerfully monologuing to his cymbal-playing monkey about his (futile) plans for the destruction of the world? It was basically the living definition of a must-miss episode.
Except for Sonny's fit of RAGE and Patrick hotly and hot-headedly giving it right back to him which caused Sonny to become flustered and when Sonny gets flustered, his grasp on the English language and commonly accepted methods of conversing...um, those things disappear. It was immensely entertaining.
A barely paraphrased recap follows; I italicized the lines that were actually spoken, because they were too amazing to satirize.
SONNY: I want to talk about my daughter's health...and yours.
MATT: Relax, dude.
SONNY: Don't talk to me while I'm trying to menace you. Why can't my daughter walk? You better hope she recovers, Doc. You know what happens to people who...who don't...who don't HOPE? DEATH!
PATRICK: Back off, Sonny.
SONNY: Hey. Hey. Your...your brother, he...he screwed up the surgery. You know what he did, Patrick.
PATRICK: There's no one in this hospital who could have done a better job, okay. And I'm including myself here, so you know that I really mean this.
MATT: I'm going to go see my patient.
SONNY: Yeah? Well, I'm going to see my daughter.
MATT: That's..the same person.
SONNY: Yeah, you would say that.
PATRICK: You're out of control, Sonny. First of all, you bring it into my home and attack my family. Now you bring it into my hospital? Attacking the surgeon who saved your daughter's mobility?
SONNY: You're looking...you're looking out for the hospital or you're doing damage control for your brother, Patrick?
SONNY: Isn't that a conflict of interest?
SONNY: Bros before hos? You calling my daughter a ho? Because let me tell you something, your brother is second string.
SONNY: Plan B.
SONNY: The spare.
PATRICK: Did you just learn about synonyms? Look, neurosurgery's just a little harder than what you do, breaking kneecaps to shake people down.
SONNY: Yeah? I'm going to pretend you didn't say that. I'm gonna be the bigger man.
SONNY: I'm...I'm gonna be the better man.
PATRICK: Your daughter needs a parent, Sonny. Not an out of control thug who makes everything worse.
SONNY: Really? What could be worse than maybe being paralyzed for a few more episodes?
PATRICK: Look, Matt operated on her to fix something you did. He gave her a chance at a normal life.
SONNY: I'll check on that and get back to you.
PATRICK: Please do.
SONNY: Yeah, I will.
SONNY: Yeah, it's good that I will.
PATRICK: That's what I just said.
SONNY: That's what I'm saying.
PATRICK: ...I know.
SONNY: LAST WORD!
Sonny's rage was eventually cured by remembering the sunset on the island; or maybe by the way Kate seemed to get turned on by his reminiscing about the sunset on the island. At any rate, he was inspired to halfheartedly apologize to Matt, which impressed Kate truly and absolutely, so their reunion is even more imminent than we expected.