So NOW Can These People Shut Up?
Because we've all been patient. We've been sitting here week after week listening to all of the characters have the exact same conversations over and over and over. These conversations went something like...
Steffy: You are a wonderful man, Liam. You deserve the best.
Liam: You mean not Hope.
Steffy: She doesn't give you what you want. I mean I totally respect her values and wanting to make you wait till you're married to have sex, but it makes her a selfish beast who should probably go ahead and be given the electric chair.
Liam: You... might be right.
Steffy: I am.
Liam: I don't want you talking trash on my fiancee, okay?
Steffy: You know what, that's fine. If you don't want me to trash on Hope, I'll respect your wishes because I am here to serve you, unlike Hope, who is a miserable wretch of a woman who should be shot at dawn.
Liam: You... might be right. But I love her. And you, sort of. But she has dibs.
Steffy: I would sex you up any time, day or night, because that is a real woman's obligation. I'm always in the mood. I'm never gassy or sick, even, and I've already been through menopause, so no problems there! Seriously, I am ready to go right now.
Liam: We're in public.
Steffy: If Hope really loved you, she'd do you on a street corner.
Liam: Maybe. But I love her.
Steffy: Just give me a friendly kiss.
Liam: Okay! What could be wrong with that?
Hope: Mom, let's talk about sex! I'm going to do it! Do you have any tips? What position is your favorite?
Brooke: Oh, Ridge, just imagine! Our little girl might be getting her cherry popped as we speak! Aren't you excited?
Ridge: I couldn't be more delighted! I bet she's as spectacular in bed as her mother! I'll ask for graphic details later, but let's get it on first.
Brooke: Let's role play! I'll be Hope and you be Liam!
Ridge: Or... vice versa.
Bill: Liam, as your father and as a man whose plan to bang young Steffy was thwarted a few weeks ago by my old ball and chain, I demand that you get a piece of that action and report back to me so I can the details I missed out on. Steffy, you are the right woman for my son. It's not weird at all that we were in love with each other last month.
Steffy: Do you wanna see my boobs, Liam? I love you! You are perfect! I will tell you that every day for the rest of your life!
Oliver: All of a sudden, I am so happy for y'all, Hope and Liam!
And so on and so forth, ad nauseam.
Thankfully, today it all finally exploded. Hope saw one of Liam and Steffy's many makeout sessions and called off the engagement (of course without telling Liam what she'd seen), and Steffy pretended to feel truly horrible for him, mostly by caressing his chest. Within four minutes the two of them handled his devastated broken heart by getting engaged to each other. I'm not joking. And he proposed and gave her Hope's just-returned ring!
And then they did the natural thing that one does when one's engagement has been broken off approximately ten minutes prior.
Yep, they bumped uglies. It was so romantic I almost cried a little.
Oh, this show.
On the upside, at least our long national nightmare is finally over! Next storyline, please.