Sucks So Good: True Blood 4.12, "And When I Die"
And When I Die...it will be of ANGUISH and HORROR and FURY that we need to wait until next summer to get closure on the events that unfolded in the last five minutes of the season four finale.
I'd normally have a couple of more vague things to say before directing you to go after the jump to read my thoughts on this week's episode, and usually those things are related to Alexander Skarsgard and his dreaminess, but I am basically freaking out--nay, fah-reaking out (it's the kind of freaking out that just demands to be upgraded, syllable-wise) and feel that my loose lips would spoil the episode for readers who are behind on True Blood by, in between flails, saying something like "AND THEN, HOW ABOUT [THING THAT WAS FUCKING INSANE]? MY GOD, RIGHT?". So, um, click after the jump for more. And if you are not caught up, get caught up immediately because we need to talk about this!
The last few minutes of this episode were so thoroughly and impressively insane that I have no choice but to temporarily ignore the majority of the episode (which was sort of poorly paced, no? The action was timed weirdly and then there were these random bits--'sup, Scott Foley? And Andy and Holly's hug and--you know what, I said I was ignoring it for the time being, so ignore it I will) and jump right to the end which was FUCKING WHAT?
Okay, we have a post-coital Jessica and Jason talking about their relationship status again, some more (it would be classified as It's Complicated on Facebook, since they're having sex but Jessica isn't ready to drink his blood. She does like his hipbones, though! She also keeps talking about Hoyt, which freaks Jason out a lot) and Jessica leaves. Seconds later, there's a knock at the door, and Cocky Mr. Stackhouse (no pun intended, but...he was naked, so, nevermind. Pun intended) goes to answer it, thinking it is Jessica, but it is not, because it is REVEREND STEVE NEWLIN WHO IS ALSO A VAMPIRE. Brilliant. Just brilliant. I believe that I may have squealed and clapped my hands like a delighted child.
Mid-clap, I gasped like...a gasping thing (I am too confused and excited to think straight, let alone come up with amusing similes) when Alcide is beckoned to a parking garage, where it turns out that there is a large hole in the ground because RUSSELL EDGINGTON HAS ESCAPED FROM HIS CONCRETE PRISON. You guys, Denis O'Hare is going to be hamming it up and making us jealous of his limitless well of awesome next summer.
THEN! Nan strutted into King Beel's mansion accompanied by what Eric deemed "gay stormtroopers" to drop some knowledge on them: she was fired by the AVL and Authority and goin' rogue. Despite orders to kill both Eric and Bill (who seem to have an uneasy truce these days. They even wore matching bathrobes, which I think is even a step above sharing Best Friends necklaces), she decides not to, since she'll be next, and instead plans to join a splinter group that Eric, she alludes to, knows about. But when she uses Sookie against them, she seals her fate (or maybe she did that when she called them "fucking puppy dogs", which offended both of them greatly). Eric takes out the stormtroopers in approximately a second and a half--a head literally rolled--and Bill STAKES THE HELL OUT OF HER. What?! I know! It was crazy. I loved Eric's reaction, too--a deep exhale and then a deadpan, "What a bitch".
AND THEN! You'd think that would the the fucking zenith of "What is happening, I am both loving it and afraid of it, holy shit, WHAT?!" but you would be WRONG. Sookie goes home to a dark house after a long day and then all of a sudden, there is Debbie Pelt and it is basically awesome, because she's all drugged up and also angrily waving around a rifle. Her hair is all disheveled and her clothes time-traveled from 1987, which elevates this scene to art. She regrets not killing Sookie earlier and shoots, but...
TARA flies in to push Sookie out of the way and takes a BULLET IN THE HEAD.
Then SOOKIE, ENRAGED, jumps on top of Debbie, punches her in the head and points the rifle at her face. Which, while Debbie begs her not to kill her, Sookie blows right off. SHE BLEW HER HEAD RIGHT OFF.
Splattered with Debbie's blood, Sookie runs to Tara and the alarmingly large pool of blood that surrounds her head and cradles her best friend as she screams for help.
And with that, season four ends and I ask you how the hell we are supposed to possibly wait months for resolution on all of that. I was too worked up by all of it to even text. My fingers were shaking from the excitement/confusion of all of it. What do we think, folks? Do we think Tara is really and truly dead? She did tempt fate by verbalizing her hope that she'd make it to old-ladydom with Sookie, sitting on a front porch together, elderly (although the poor girl realizes her luck is shitty and that Bon Temps is the world's death capital because she really did see her future as a maybe), but would they really kill her off? I don't know! And do you think we will get flashbacks of Steve Newlin's missing period, because I am all sorts of curious. I have missed that cheerful fool like I can't even express. And RUSSELL. There are no words, only utter bafflement and a severe case of excited giggles. It's like I'm high.
Maybe I should take a look back at the other things that happened this week? Like the for real ending to the Witches vs. Vampires arc that dominated this season? Okay, I will.
Poor Jesus. Poor sweet, doomed Jesus. I had a feeling that he wouldn't make it out of this season alive, because people aren't allowed to be happy for an extended period of time on this show and Lafayette hit his limit. And also, there is something about Kevin Alejandro that makes television writers think, "We're going to let you be adorable on this show...temporarily" because I swear, most of his TV stints have ended in death.
But how sad was it to watch him scream for Lafayette--who was able to overpower Marnie just for a second, to report to Jesus that "this bitch is strong!"--and then, finally, sacrifice himself to save Lafayette? So, so sad. I knew Marnie-as-Lafayette was going to kill him, but STILL, it was so sad. And their reunion at the end? SO SAD.
Lafayette: Don't leave.
Jesus: Dude, I'm dead. You're a medium. I'll always be with you.
Poor, poor Lafayette. How is he going to deal with this? My heart breaks for him.
I think we need to take a moment to talk about how seriously stellar Nelsan Ellis is. Lafayette is a reliably great part of any given episode of True Blood--he is always amusing and entertaining, and he pulls off sassy one-liners like nobody's business. But when he has the chance to do something more, he knocks it out of the freaking park and, much like his work as Mavis-as-Lafayette earlie, he pulled off Marnie-as-Lafayette so amazingly. The way he channelled Fiona Shaw was just impeccable and his pain over what happened to Jesus was just...it gutted me. True Blood is not the kind of show that gets Emmy nominations for acting (Denis O'Hare was robbed!), so he'll just have to settle for a Serial Drama Shout Out, which is good but he deserves more. SO good.
Oh, Marnie's gone, by the way, thanks to a Deus Ex Gran.
Holly, Tara and Sookie chanted and all of the dead in the Bon Temps cemetery came to help Antonia take Marnie to the afterlife. OH! I forgot to mention that Marnie-as-Lafayette had Bill and Eric, shirtless (natch!) silvered to a stake and set them ablaze. But not before some hilarity happened.
Bill: I liked you better when you were brain damaged.
Marnie: As your friend Lafayette would say, "what goes around comes around, bitches".
So Sookie was freaking, obviously and they were screaming and there was a lot of CGI and it was sort of hard to watch because I couldn't stop picturing what it must have been like for the actors to film that and how on earth were they able to do it without laughing? THEN the chanting happened while Marnie summoned Jesus's demon and then--I SWEAR, this happened and it was bizarre and sort of shameful and a lot funny--GRAN appeared out of nowhere and grabbed Marnie out of Lafayette. THE HELL IS THIS SHOW?
Holly: Holy goddess.
Tara: Holy shit.
It was insane. Gran was all badass and stuff! I could barely even watch.
Antonia was able to talk Marnie off of the proverbial ledge (Fiona Shaw had a few seriously nice minutes tonight, hinting at the sadness of Marnie's life as a "creepy, pathetic, terrified mess", being tormented by the sounds of the dead and shunned by everyone else) and she eventually, after a primal scream, accepted her trip to the afterlife, with a reluctant "This fucking sucks". Hee.
Tommy Mickens had a sad, lonely funeral with only Sam and Maxine Fortenberry (who disturbed Sam with her description of the clothes Tommy had stolen from her and disturbed him even more by asking him--well, ordering him--to call her Mom) and then a visit from Luna and Emma. But Sam is starting to be hopeful about the future, which is downright silly of him. He makes peace with Sookie and gives her her job back--the one Tommy had fired her from--and is all cute and happy with Luna. Have fun next season when everyone you know continues to die off around you, Merlotte!
Also, Sam was stalked by a werewolf. So!
Jason, in graphic detail, confessed to Hoyt that he slept with Jessica. Hoyt responded by administering quite the beatdown but it seems like the physical injuries didn't bother him as much as Hoyt's verbal parting shot--that there's something missing inside of Jason. It broke his heart a little.
Jason is not the only one with a broken heart: Pam is seriously spiraling after being shunned by Eric over his precious Sookie. I mean, she let Ginger hug her! If that's not the world's most fitting image for the phrase "How the mighty have fallen", I don't know what is.
Pam: Sookie! I am so over Sookie and her precious fairy vagina and her unbelievably stupid name. Fuck Sookie!
So, Scott Foley? Who, don't get me wrong, I enjoy. I seriously loved Felicity. And by "loved", I mean "Was obsessed with and sometimes still watch the DVDs". It was just...random. I feel like I knew he was joining the cast--was it in Entertainment Weekly or something?--but I'd forgotten, so it just seemd sort of strange. And I worry that he's bad news. Especially since Rene (!!!!) showed up to warn Arlene that Terry is going to cause serious problems. I swear to god, Alan Ball. You demolished Hoyt and Jessica. You killed off Jesus. If you ruin Terry, I am seriously going to go apoplectic. Terry is off-limits!
Alcide made a major play for Sookie and was denied, but he's in good company because she also ended things with Bill AND Eric (who were wearing the aforementioned matching bathrobes at the time. Like, if there is not a fanfiction in progress where they heal their heartbreak by turning to each other, I would be shocked). Who would have thought that Sookie would pull a Kelly Taylor and choose herself?! She admitted that she loves and forgives Bill (I...you know, the whole thing with Sophie Anne and also, letting the Rattrays almost murder her--!!!--would be dealbreakers for me, but whatever) and that she loves Innocent Eric AND Asshole Eric, but that she can't be with either one of them.
Sookie: Please, don't try to stop me. [Walks to the door slowly. Opens it even slower. Hangs around for a beat, as if to say "Uh, this is your cue to stop me" before she eventually leaves and collapses in a fit of tears on the porch, leaving Bill and Eric to wonder what the hell just happened]
THEN we wound up at the end of the episode with all of the bizarrely awesome and awesomely bizarre events that went down in an amazingly WTF fashion and I seriously don't know what to make of it. I am DYING to hear your thoughts! Thumbs up? Thumbs down? Thumbs going every which way because you are so excited/confused that all you can do is make enthusiastic jazz hands?