Uninspired Episodes Provoke Inspired Musings
Or... not really. Not at all. Today's a little crazy, what with lots of major things going on in the news, Mom and Pop being in town (it is so cute teaching them to properly swipe a MetroCard even though they've done it hundreds of times), my team having clinched a playoff berth today (yeah, yeah, make your assumptions and throw your tomatoes) (and whatever, it's Mallory's team, too, so I'm all over it, Serial Drama-representin') (sorry, Becca!), and a minor little thing called the third-to-last televised episode of All My Children (there's something in my eye!). So, what's this One Life to Live thing? Well, I might actually be able to pay attention to the show if I force myself to recap it! So here goes nothin'....
Tomas tries to offer Téa some comfort. I realize there was something else that happened prior to this but as it had something to do with confirming the second life of Stacey Morasco, I've blocked it out.
Dani goes to talk to Todd in jail and asks him if he killed her "father".
He said no.
Cutter confronts Kim about having taken the murder weapon, and Echo tells Roxy about the latest gun-related developments.
I am seriously finding this difficult to pay attention to. Tomas and Téa continue to chat about how he only wanted to protect her, and then John and Irene have a conversation in which she is as deliberately vague as ever and John makes fun of her. Appropriately.
Todd explains to Dani that Jack invented the eyewitness evidence against him, and asks her to believe in him. I mean she believed in and loved the other rapist daddy, why not this one??
Natalie chats with Rex about Brody's tepid proposal (I mean his super-romantic proposal, of course!). Meanwhile, John compares Irene to Medea which, really, Irene is way worse than Medea. At least Medea made it quick. And for reals, Jason really did dick her over. Come on! What did he and Creon expect?
Téa and Tomas continue their discussion. She is suspicious of him because he missed Victor's funeral, during which Tomas claims he was called to Langley to discuss how to neutralize Irene. This version of the CIA is a little pathetic! (Wait, wait, don't put me on a watch list please! I'm talking about a soap opera, it's a joke!)
Cutter barges into the hospital room where, ostensibly, Stacey sleeps. He seems shocked. Did he know Stacey? I guess we haven't really gotten all the details of when Kim and Stacey became besties and when Cutter last saw Kim. Oh wait, no, he doesn't know Stacey, he's only heard about her from Kim. It's "this" he didn't know about which, unfortunately, is likely the rumored "Stacey has Gigi's face now!" crapfest, the possibility of which is eating away at my withering soul.
John calls Irene a "go-getter" and still suspects she's responsible for Victor's death.
Téa apologizes for lashing out at Tomas which... she didn't really do. I've seen Téa lash out. This ain't it.
Uh-oh, here's where some of the standard Weezie apoplexy comes in. Dani and Todd are talking about how she had trouble accepting Victor being of things he did to Marty Saybrooke, only Victor "didn't do those things" to Marty, Todd did. That's a really good point since Victor treated Marty really, really super-duper well other than talking to her like she was dirt after he raped her. Which is also what Todd did. I'm still having trouble with this here! Oh, Dani was so hard on Victor for... doing a bunch of incredibly evil things. But now she's mad at herself because she was unfair to Victor? Because why? Because how? Look, Todd's a really bad guy with a heinous history. No doubt of this. So was Victor, though. Through and through. Two bad men. Who also did the occasional good thing and occasionally cared about someone. What am I missing here?
Dani talks about how Ross raised her and how much she loved him. Todd admits he and Ross were at each other's throats (you know, "Somewhere In the South Pacific") but that he's grateful to Ross for having been there for Téa and having done what appears to be a good job raising Dani. Todd asks Dani to convince Téa to help him prove his innocence. (Can someone tell Blair he's in jail? She'll get him an attorney, damnit! She'll travel to the ends of the Earth to do some sleuthing to prove the father of her children is innocent! Glurgh.)
(Todd doesn't mention that he left her mother and Ross to die on that island, but really, that's an issue for a later time! Splitting hairs!)
Natalie tells Rex that, basically, she's always going to be in love with John but Brody is a better boyfriend because he actually acts like he wants to be around her and is open with his feelings.
Roxy tries to convince Echo that if John McBain arrested Todd for Victor's murder that Rex is innocent. Because Johnny always gets his man. Echo remains unconvinced.
Kim and Cutter start talking about Stacey and I can't concentrate on what they're saying because of the overwhelming taste of bile in my throat.
Rex talks about his mistake of having married Adriana when he was really still in love with Gigi. Natalie's sure that John doesn't love her, though.
John sends Irene back to her cell, while Téa eats some food that Tomas brought her. He gives her an illustration he made of Téa and Victor and Tomas suggest drinking brandy. She foolishly turns this down. I could use some brandy right this second.
Dani challenges Todd when Irene is brought back to her cell and tries to introduce herself to her granddaughter Dani. Dani looks a little nervous, but Dani thought Victor was a wonderful man and didn't seem uncomfortable around him so I think she can handle being in close quarters with Irene. I doubt she could take a punch very well. Dani might just be able to blow out Irene's eardrums with a single word and render her entirely impotent.
Cutter agrees not to tell anyone about Stacey.
Todd asks Irene what she wants.
Echo remembers when she forged Gigi's signature.
John warns Roxy about the no-planking-on-the-bar rule as he walks into Rodi's to find her climbing over the bar looking for a bottle. Roxy wouldn't turn down brandy! Natalie walks in and is obviously about to eavesdrop on a conversation between Roxy and John about her.
That's seriously the end. I'm way too clogged up in the head right now to be able to even assess whether that was a decent but low-key episode or just really boring. I'm glad Todd and Dani got to talk, but -- and I know I'm a broken record on this -- I still lament how much better this first real conversation would be were it not mucked up by this cheesy "Who Killed Victor" plot. I'm glad John got to dish out some of his wry commentary at Irene, but... it's Irene. Who cares. I am not glad of anything involving the way-past-its-expiration-date business of John and Natalie and Brody, and Liam's paternity. I am really not glad of anything involving Stacey Motherfucking Morasco. And that's my final word.