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« The Great Pumpkin Comes Bearing Gifts | Main | There's Not Much To Say When There's Not Much To See »

October 27, 2011

It's a Mystery (And Not Just The Ongoing "Why Do I Still Watch?" Mystery)!

It's a tried and true soap trope: hated character is KILLED and everybody has a MOTIVE. Someone is ARRESTED and put on TRIAL and then it turns out that the real killer was a DAYPLAYER. I think we know exactly what we're going to be seeing on General Hospital over the next few weeks or, god forbid, months, depending on how long it takes the writers to get distracted.

Lisa is missing and probably murdered, although I am wary of making any pronouncements on how we are finally rid of her; the show adores Dr. Niles so much that I wouldn't put it past them to kill her off and then bring her back as a zombie. The party yacht is basically a boat of horrors, with dead bodies strewn about and some people grappling with memory loss while others have bizarre wounds. The shockingly inept PCPD (seriously, shouldn't it be fairly easy to distinguish between blood and nail polish? Although it should be fairly easy to at least mimic basic human speech DELORES, so maybe I am just expecting too much) is on the scene to find clues, which they will then interpret in the most insane way imaginable before arresting someone completely random.

To be fair, all of the guests DO look ridiculously guilty.

  • Robin fought with Lisa, violently, and then blacked out. Conveniently, she can't remember anything that happened after their tussle! Also conveniently, she spent much of the episode discussing, repeatedly, her desire to see Lisa dead and how fervently she wanted to kill her, which I am sure will come into play when it turns out that, in addition to all sorts of chemical weaponry, Lisa also smuggled recording devices onto the boat and Robin is on tape saying all of these things that will be played at her eventual murder trial.
  • Patrick, like his wife, had plenty of reason to want Lisa out of his life for good, preferably in a body bag (do you think the two of them are seriously regretting not letting Sonny handle this particular problem?). He seems awfully convinced that she's gone forever and will never, ever, EVER return, which makes me think that he saw her body, assumed that Robin killed her, and got rid of the evidence to protect his wife.
  •  Steve has mysterious scratches all over his face and an unbelievably cover story ("I scratched it on the ladder when I was getting out of the pool"? Why is this ladder covered with claws?!). Plus, he had some angry words about Lisa when he learned the extent of her crazy.

Steve: You don't even have to say anything. I am done giving that bitch the benefit of the doubt.

Yeah! He is DONE! A full year after her reign of terror started, after numerous attempted murders and hostage-taking and Spinelli shootings; those were all misunderstandings. NOW, he is done with her! Done enough to commit murder?! Who knows/cares?!

  • Matt is wasted and spent most of the trip in an alcohol fueled stupor. Would I put it past the writers to have another mystery end with the culprit being revealed as a drunken mess? No, no I would not.

I suppose that Olivia doesn't really have much of a motive and probably isn't going to be really involved in a meaningful way (plus, there's no way she'd go to jail; the writers have to keep her in Port Charles to annoy me indefinitely). And all of this is a moot point anyway, because it's almost definitely Anthony Zacchara who did it. It's the easy way out, you know? He hates Lisa, and he's all crazy and violent, so...

Not to be the kind of girl who uses cheap, below the belt segues, but...speaking of crazy and violent!

In between Bensonhurst reminiscing and uncomfortable, awkward rehashing of their relationship and their kisses (yes! I know, I totally missed the part when it was explained that Kate suffered severe brain damage during her time offscreen), Sonny reacted...poorly to two topics of conversation: Brenda and Jax.

Kate: Getting a woman you lost to want you again to lessen the sting of losing Brenda.
Sonny: Why do you have to bring her up all the time? That's a subject I don't want to talk about.
Kate: That's exactly why we need to talk about it.
Sonny: I love how women think. That doesn't make any sense.

Yeah, why would Kate bring up the woman you are currently MARRIED to and thought of (/think of? As much as he thinks about anything, I mean) as the love of your life? That's just weird! Women, amirite? Always wanting to "talk" and have "feelings". Bitches be crazy!

Kate: You seem oddly disinterested.
Sonny: I've had...such, you know what?...I've had such a...I've...had enough of Jax to last two lifetimes! Whatever happened...[...]...happened.
Kate: Have you even tried to find out the truth.
Sonny: No.
Kate: Why?
Sonny: Because you hit the nail on the head. I'm not that interested.

Where on earth are you two morons seeing disinterest? Sonny darkens as soon as you say Jax's name and he was visibly seething with rage. There was angry spittle!

Elizabeth update: she's alive! Not that anybody really cares; her brother certainly doesn't. Oh, sure, he mentioned her once or twice, but it was always in between breathless worry about Olivia and he didn't seem TOO concerned about her. But she's okay-ish! Spinelli found her unconscious and she woke up and tried to piece together what happened and gave me the one truly enjoyable moment of the episode.

Elizabeth: You took me out of the water, right? You carried me. (Has a flashback to a man's very well defined torso)...no, it wasn't you.




Maybe the killer will be Diego...

(I swear that Guza is still writing this show and Wolf is just taking a big chunk of money to take the blame.)

Did anyone else find it particularly distasteful that they were using HIV infected blood as a weapon? I was too distracted by how offensive that was to really pay attention.

Don't worry, Mallory, I'm sure when Liz turns up again, Steve will be concerned enough to accuse her of murder. That's just the kind of super brother he is. (Yep, still not over him accusing her of killing Siobhan.)

Lisa is about as dead as Diego. That won't stop them from arresting and trying someone, though!

So, I haven't seen any of the latest GH episodes (And I probably won't watch them. I'm behind on OLtL episodes. I do have to prioritize, you know.), and I know this is an ongoing, ever-evolving story with details yet to be revealed. But I don't get why Lisa's death is going to be considered murder. I mean, unless somebody tied her to the boat's propellers so she got chopped up or something like that.

Considering Lisa's very recent history of mischief, mayhem and general havoc wreaking, seems to me that anyone could claim they killed her in self defense. Even if the killer was excessive in how they took her out, they could understandably plead temporary insanity. Case closed.

Mallory, I am suprised the mention of Jax being alive and Carly, Kate, and Sonny wondering where he is hiding didn't make you happy. Carly mentioned Lady Jane, but Kate and Sonny were talking about him possibly being with Brenda, especially since Sonny doesn't keep tabs on her (I think he said he didn't or maybe he was just avoiding the question. Sonny's interpretation of the English language is difficult to decipher sometimes). Your Brax dreams may still be alive offscreen!! I have fanfiction daydreams that Alec, Jax, and Brenda are throwing coins in fountains in Rome and are going to stay in hiding forever.

All I can say about this episode is it really, REALLY made me want Kirsten Storms back. This new chick plays Maxie so over the top dingy that I can't watch her and she is making me hate the character. Maxie is self absorbed but she no way the ditz this chick is playing her to be. Kirsten does not play her that way. Can she come back now?

I just...nail polish has a very distinctive smell, you know? You can't miss it. You just can't.

I honestly don't know what to say about Steve. He's a wee bit slow on the uptake. I figured he would've been done giving Lisa the benefit of the doubt after she actually held his ass hostage and shot people...in front of him...whom he helped treat. Forget all the other stuff she did and he refused to believe or take real action, b/c he was actually a part of the hostage situation. He's also a sucky brother. It was bad enough that he accused his sister of murder, and generally thinks the worst about her, but his lack of concern that she's been missing for hours is ridic.

Drunk Matt is hilarious and I love how he was passed out with everyone in the room just standing there. Then he finally wakes up completely oblivious (Ha!), so Patrick points out that he got drunk. Um, of course he did, Patrick. The other couples at his party ditched him to go have sex.

Elizabeth's deduction that Spinelli couldn't have possibly saved her, due to his lack of a hot chest, was amazing and delightful and I loved it!

I have nothing to contribute, but I do want to make sure that everyone on Serial Drama was aware that Steve Burton, Scott Reeves, Brandon Barash and Spinelli have a band called Port Chuck:


Also, everyone on Serial Drama should be aware of The Hairpin as it is the best blog -- not devoted to soap operas, natch -- in my opinion.


I believe I have see this episode of Cruise of Deception before. Someone gets exploded in a cage soon right?

Who wants to take bets that Olivia is preggers? Just in time for this new lady doc from Memphis to come to town....

Maybe it's Jax hiding out on Spoon Island? His name came up quite a few times. It was a tall "spirit" that rescued Liz.

Is Delores another Sonny spawn? Why else is she on my TV. She makes Ronny look like the best cop ever.

And I completely agree with Smelly Kelly. If she's dead, she deserves to be--and it obviously is self-defense. So why would anyone care? This is the exciting story that's going to keep us watching through Feb? Try again.

Michael? Sucks. Abby? Is still dumb. Carly? As self deluded as ever. Sean? Runaway from the lying crazy bitch!

Jeez, how much does it suck to be Elizabeth? Her brother was more concerned about his latest conquest than Elizabeth's whereabouts or well-being.

Hell, even good friends(and neighbors) Patrick and Robin didn't particularly seemed bothered by her absence. I loved the fact that Robin didn't care one whit about Liz(one of her supposedly good friends) being missing. She just spouts out that Lisa didn't have it in for Liz, just Robin and Patrick. Does she even remember the slaughtered Captain?

Matt, who was drunk off his ass, was the only person remotely concerned for the woman. And it was completely sweet!

Maxie was being a bit too much self absorbed with the night's events. The Elizabeth hate was waaaaaaay to much. When is KS coming back, because now I really can't stand Maxie.

The cops? Couldn't have cared less if they tried. I know that the PCPD sucks in general, but even Mac was pretty damn uncaring. It isn't like he hasn't known Elizabeth for years.

Who rescued Elizabeth anyway? Jax? A Hidden Cassadine? Hell, Aiden Devane--moving from Pine Valley to visit cousin Robin? Anyone?

What the hell was with Monica's attitude?

And what kind of awesome daycare does GH have? Is it 24 hour? Why the hell wasn't the daycare calling the emergency #s for the boys?

And the most important question being this why the hell am I still watching this piece of crapola?

Okay, maybe I'm already supposed to know this since no one else mentioned it, but WHY was Spinelli on Spoon Island to find Elizabeth?? If he dropped Maxie off at the boat, why didn't he just go back to the PC Harbor? I know he couldn't SEE Elizabeth from the boat, right?

Wait, am I using logic and sense. Sorry. So, so sorry.

Rene, Spinelli saw another light at Wyndemere (I think), and rowed back to Spoon Island to check it out. When he reached the beach, he found Liz.

Mallory, not enough word for Steve's overly dramatic "I'm DONE giving this bitch the benefit of the doubt!" My eyes rolled so hard they fell out of my head.

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