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« It Gets Cuter | Main | I Hereby Declare November 2nd as Tina Clayton Lord Roberts Day! »

October 31, 2011

Llanview's Halloween Makes Good (And Bad... So, So Bad)

Oh, Afternoon Television Program, how you toy with me! How you break my heart and fill my heart and anger my heart!

Sweet mercy, what a rollercoaster today's episode was. Should I start with the good and the awesome because I'm super-giddy about it and can't wait to talk about it? Or should I start with the bad so I can get the ranting out of the way and leave you all (well, and myself as there's certainly no guarantee you derived joy from the same things I did) with a little happytime joy on this Halloween night?

Honestly, if this isn't your first time paying a visit to Serial Drama you probably already know what I loved and what I am mad about. I hate being so predictable! Wait! I didn't totally hate the whole business with Aubrey and Rex and Cutter and Stigi. I didn't love it either, but...

Oh it's hopeless. I'm falling right in line with my usual point of view, so why don't we do it the way that feels better at the end and start with the crap.

Ford. Oh, Ford. Saint Doofus of the Martyrdom was on full display today. Y'all, did you know that Ford is a wonderful man? Did you know that he'll do anything for his son?  Did you know how magnanimous he is? Did you know that he stands up to mean old bullies who have the nerve to hate him for sexually violating their daughter and preventing her from getting help for her mental illness? Did you know that he rescues the neighbors from flaming bags of dog poo? Did you know that he's so blandly flawless that he's basically a perfect man?

Today was seriously enough to make me puke. And not in a fun too-much-Halloween-candy sort of way (wait, I'm just not realizing I had no Halloween candy. Not cool, world, not cool at all!), but in a every-line-of-his-dialogue-sickens-me sort of way. 

And again I need to point out that this isn't about thinking Ford's past sins make him beyond redemption. I don't think that at all. It's about the laziest redemption in history. One day he was a player who was blackmailing serial killers and breaking crazy ladies out of mental hospital, and then next he was a saccharine-sweet, naive, guileless, Dudley Do-Right who never says or does anything wrong because he is just super-duper. You know, I half feel like this is a desperate effort to rehab him with the section of the audience who hates as much as, oh, say, I do. (Because I am on the internet, I know he has a fan club. A huge one. One that thinks he needs no reworking to set him up as a viable and interesting character. I'm not talking about this fan club, as they are more than taken care of already.) I don't mean to overthink how much they actually sit down and try to plot out how to win us over with this guy, but I can't help but feel like they looked at the complaints and thought, "Fine, we'll no longer give them anything to criticize!" and that is just so wrong-headed it makes my stomach turn. No one enjoys Blair or Tea or Clint or Natalie or Todd or John or Dorian (or whoever it is on this show that people like) because they're perfect. Depth, flaws, complications, contradictions. Did Todd catch on as a character because one day he woke up feeling super-guilty about all of the gang-raping and terrorizing and assaulting and accidental-killing and immediately turned into a swell, nice, smiley, schmoopy-goopy Blandy McBlanderson?

I assure you, he did not.

Alas, today we got Ford bopping around Clint asking him annoying questions trying to pretend he's interested in Clint's health and recovery. 

Clint: Come on Ford, even you aren't dumb enough to think we could ever get along.

Ford: At least I'm making the effort.

Clint: Well, don't. Because you always will be an unscrupulous dog, led around by his... hormones. [And see? We know Clint's wrong about Ford being like that now, so it doesn't matter that he ever was, nor should Clint hold a grudge about what Ford did to his daughter because y'all, that was, like, so long ago! Am I getting this right?  --Ed.] I will never forget how you took advantage of my daughter.

Ford: And you're a miserable old bast-- (notices Bree) miserable old coot, bent on making your daughter's life as difficult as possible. [(a) Really? This is Clint's goal? Good interpretation, Ford. (b) He's such a saint! He won't swear while he's self-righteously insulting Bree's grandfather in front of her!  --Ed.] Jessica's accepted my place in Ryder's life, why can't you?

Clint: Because a one-eyed, rabid, three-legged dog would be a better father to Ryder. [Get it? All we see is Ford being the world's most perfect father, so Clint is just wrong, wrong, wrong!  --Ed.]

Ford

Ford: Sticks and stones. [OMG he's such a good role model! He knows that words can't hurt him! He's out there fighting the good fight for victims of bullying everywhere! He's so dreamy, y'all!  --Ed.] I'm not going anywhere. And you can either accept that, or you can rage yourself into another heart attack. [Was that line directed at ME?! Shut up, Ford! I will rage at you all I want! --Ed.] You don't want me in Jessica's life, that's fine. But don't be surprised if that costs you her respect. Go ahead, make my life miserable. Because while you are picking on me, I'm going to be the picture of niceness. I will smile and say, "Yes, sir," even when you blast me when nobody's looking. Because there's nothing I won't do to make my son proud of me [right about here he got a little choked up, just in case we hadn't gotten the point yet. --Ed.] and if you end up looking like a nasty son of a -- S.O.B., then that's on you, but --

Oh for fuck's sake. This is where Clint cut him off and said he'd tolerate him and Jessica and Viki stood in the background looking so impressed by Ford's magnanimity that it was laughable (not as laughable as Jessica being so downright inspired by this saintly behavior that she swallowed her pride and brought Bree by Natalie's party, though). I can't believe Clint's perfectly reasonable anger at Ford has been rewritten as "mean old schoolyard bully picks on poor defenseless fellow when nobody's looking!" Hey, show? Clint and Ford were not your bullying storyline. Do I need to bring up how your originally-well-executed bullying storyline has now devolved into a plastic-surgery-back-from-the-dead-sibling-doppelganger storyline? One of two of those storylines currently on your scripts' pages? Because that's what's going on. 

Do not even get me started on the stupid The Man with One Red Shoe discussion and all of Ford's effing potential at the end in his "sweet" moment with Jessica. My stomach just cannot take it.

Okay. My need for a mini-rage-fest has been satiated.

It might surprise you to know that oh my god today's episode was awesome! I know it's hard to take me seriously on that, but I can take it. I can take infuriating garbage when it's balanced with heaping tablespoons of spectacular.

I mean first of all...

La ghoulay

Of course. Right?

And second of all...

  Toddlblaircostumes

Of course Todd is dressed as some sort of weird Goth werewolf. I mean that's basically who he was in the nineties, right?

And third of all...

  Toddlooksatblairokay

Of course that's how Todd looked at Blair today. Am I supposed to be articulate after that? And he wasted no time starting in on the Halloween double entendres with her. "You know I love a freak, and you have the best candy." "I'm not gonna get any sugar from your bowl?"

And fourth of all...

Samasjaws

OH EM GEE, of course little Sam is dressed as Jaws and his mother is dressed as a lifeguard! It is too much to take. And he wanted Todd to go trick-or-treating with him and his mom and got it all sorted that Todd is his uncle and he shouldn't call him Scarface. 

And fifth of all, Todd then looked at Blair like this...

Toddwolflook

For serious, he might have been about to devour her. It would have worked for me.

Sixth of all...

Toddsamjackolanterns

Of course Sam and Todd made jack-o-lanterns together! And yesterday's entry was called "It Gets Cuter"? What was I thinking? It never stops getting cuter.

I need to calm down. But then Todd made fun of Blair, saying she should go throw on a costume! And then she thanked him for being so kind to Victor's little boy and he said, "He's your little boy, too, right?" and I just don't have any brain cells left. Is this what a fix feels like to a drug addict? I've been rendered a total idiot here and it feels so good. And then they started playing Todd and Blair's sad old wistful theme song and Todd started talking to himself about how he needs to tell her he wants her back and then he started practicing telling her. On jack-o-lanterns.

Todd: Blair? I floated on a raft across the ocean to get to you. Broke out of a paramilitary institution, I think you owe me. Wanna make out? (He shakes the Blair-pumpkin head "No.) 

And then he tried a more simple, direct approach.

Todd: I love you, Blair. I always have. I want you back. 

I need another hit.

Lest you think there was nothing else worth mooning over in today's episode, Viki and Clint took a sweet trip down memory lane. 

Viki: Oh, you don't give up, do you? You still are challenging me.

Clint: Well, that's what I do best. Ever since we first met. You remember?

Viki: How could I forget? When I met you, you were an arrogant pain in the... butt. You thought you knew everything there was to know about journalism.

Clint: Joe agreed. That's why he hired me!

Viki: He hired you to keep an eye on me.

Clint: And look at me, still on the job.

Viki: Oh, I think that's a career you can finally retire from!

Clint: No can do. It was a lifetime appointment.

Clint viki

Aww. It got cuter!

As for the rest of the episode, there were some decent moments of Roxy having a good time and Aubrey recognizing Cutter by his nipples and Natalie's excellent smackdown of Aubrey on behalf of Joey, but does any of that really matter when the most important thing in the history of recorded time finally happened? 

Cord tina kiss 1

Eeeee! Cord and Tina kissed! Cord and Tina kissed! I am a child again. This is my happy song. My happy happy song. A Halloween-y kiss. They are so magical! 

And we got this little gem...

Tina: Cordero Roberts, you are the world's worst liar! You know how I knew that? 'Cause I'm the world's best. Except... when it comes to you. You always see right through me. 

Cord tina kiss 2

And then they kissed some more! And then they kissed some more! And moved out of the screen like they're totally gonna get it on in their little matching cowboy and cowgirl duds right there in the hay! Do you hear that sound? That's me doing a happy dance here on the isle of Manhattan. What is my name again? I have no idea.

Happy Happy Happy Halloween!

Comments

Today was awesome! Except for Ford. Oh and Irene. Irene ruined my happy Manning moment. I feel like she's going to be ruining many more.

I even liked that Rex nonsense if only to hear Aubrey say she recognized someone through their nipples lol.

But yeah, Sam is wicked adorable always. His little wave to Scarface - too cute. I can't stand it! Todd's multiple double entendres. And I hate to read into it too much but Blair as a lifeguard while Todd is literally drowning in his guilt and mental chaos. It also isn't the first time Blair has been put in opposition to Ghost Irene. Ghost Irene doesn't care for Blair. What's up with that, Ron? Are you actually writing something new?

LOVE LOVE LOVE Tina/Cord. I do like Cliki but I don't see romantic chemistry yet. I hope the changes but even if it doesn't, highly enjoyable.

Who taught Bree manners? She just threw Kim's letter on the ground! Klimnt!!!!

Oooh, Todd & Blair, not to mention Tina/Cord and Viki/Clint, were the SWEETEST things to ever happen on Halloween! I loved the sexual innuendo in the first Todd/Blair scene. Lately, it seems thinly-veiled sexualized conversations have been written for our favorite former couples (Tina/Cord at Llanfair, Viki/Clint while he was exercising) and I have been LOVING it! I wish TPTB would just focus on these couples and limit the other stuff.

And the "other stuff"...Ugh. The reasons why I cannot watch the show live. The Morasco Fiasco, seriously? Good Lawd it's dull annoying.

But, Louise, you nailed it with the assessment of Ford. I remember a few months back, you stated that you would try to ignore Ford (not even mentioning his name) but it's rage-inducing. You have to vent sometimes! The propping of Ford is extreme. It's beyond forced. His every scene or mention includes some way to make him seem sweet, generous or heroic. None of these characteristics have been displayed while we have witnessed his smarmy, disgusting, criminal behavior first-hand. He's a despicable character and completely unlikable. Also, his constant propping makes all of the other characters seem silly, weak and disloyal. Jessica, Viki and Clint's about-face concerning Ford make them look like idiots. Ford actually lectures them! WTF?! Jessica has been unwatchable since Ford entered her orbit. Her character has been effectively ruined for me and I have no desire to watch her. She once was one of my favorite characters but no longer.

If the prom night incident was not enough, the stripping/bounding/gagging of the nun at St. Ann's was reprehensible. Ford talked to Viki like a dog when she tried to compromise over Ryder and begged him to get Jessica much needed psych treatment. He prevented Jess from being with her children and family. Yet, he gets every thing he wants with everyone's respect on top of it!

Meanwhile, it's written that Brody is undeserving of the family he's always wanted. Ugh.

Word to this whole post, except for this one little part: "My need for a mini-rage-fest has been satiated."

My rage over Ford is never satiated. If RC is stupid enough to think this crap is going to make me like Ford or root for him to find twu lurve with his rape victim he must be high.

First, TIIC introduced one of the slimiest characters in all of daytime, forced us to watch him and his waxed and plucked bod sexually abuse anyone who came anywhere near him. And now they've decided to make him into a human Tickle Me Elmo with his daddy act. And they've also made him into such a SENSITIVE guy I could just throw up. Preferably on him.

Now, in the space of less than a minute, even Clint has caved in. Completely unrealistic to charater, too, IMO. This is similar to what they tried on AMC with Krystal aka Skank Momma. But at least it too a number of years before Erica started treating Kwak like she was human. OLTL couldn't even give us that.

I guess it's like you say, Louise, that those of us who UTTERLY LOATHE the character are now supposed to forget what a sleaze he was just a short time ago. Not gonna happen. Unfortunately, it's also made my interest in Jessica drastically lessen.

And one more important thing - David Gregory is just not that good of an actor. And he's certainly not good enough to pull off this unearned transformation.

What a stinkeroo. They have room for this guy, but not Dorian Lord???

Word Ron. I hate to negatively critique an actor's ability but...who am I kidding, I have trashed Farah Fath since her days at DAYS and Andrew Trischitta on a regular...David Gregory is a horrible actor. Just zero range and ability. The scene where he learned Ryder was his biological son still plays in my mind because it was some of the worst acting I HAVE EVER SEEN. DG is awful when even a serviceable actor would have a hard enough time working with the writing for the character.

Pfft. Just because Fudd has a huge fan base means squat, since Nash had a large fan base and OLTL had no problems at all in killing off the character.

OLTL was all kinds of awesome today - clint/vik, cord/tina and Blair/Todd/Sam.

Is it too much to hope that the character of Ford does not sign on to PP? I've just read that Bree Williamson(Jessica)won't be going online, so maybe they go off-screen together. God knows, she deserves better, but if that's what it takes to get rid of him, okay.

After what Clint did to Nora, he has no real moral standing on Ford, so I don't understand why they want us to look at Clint begrudgingly accepting Ford and seeing this as something great. They're both woman-hating pigs.

I keep hoping that it was really Fudd that killed big bad Daddy Ford.

@carl - word. hate that they have whitewashed that with Clint. Have a heart transplant, get forgiven for kidnapping your sister in law (and ex-wife) and almost getting her raped.

And Louise, I believe Fudd's undying love is for myson. All one word.

I'm not going to add anything Ford-related, since everyone already said it for me, but I do have a complaint about....Viki. I know!

I didn't like her pressuring Jessica to go to Brody and Natalie's engagement party. I mean, SERIOUSLY?! Yes, it's good that they aren't fighting anymore, but Jess does not need to support that. She almost married Brody in February and now she's supposed to party it up with him and her sis and wish them all the happiness in the world? It's okay for everyone to be civil, but to suggest she should go to the party (Viki) or lament that she's not part of the wedding (Natalie), or possibly expect her to go to the wedding makes absolutely no sense to me. I like that she took Bree trick-or-treating there since she wanted to go, but that's not something she was obligated to do.

Now aside from all that, this epi was so awesome. The cuteness that is Todd/Blair/Sam just made me so happy. I only wish Hope were there in her cute peanut costume. Clint & Viki, Cord & Tina, Aubrey recognizing Cutter's nipples and his 7 abs were so delightful. I can't get enough!

Maybe its just coz I'm old, but TINA & CORD are making me SWOON!
I don't think we've had ROMANCE like this for many years!
& yes, I was gettin' turned ON in the barn scene!

I think my Fudd hate might just have drawn neck and neck with my Ryass hate. And because of that I neglected all the good stuff that OLTL keeps throwing our way, and it usually outweighs the bad.

Vicki and Clint - They are writing these two so well! Along with the memories (which as a newish viewer I really enjoy), there's a hint of silliness that's just fun to watch. I never saw the original Clint, but even though JVD isn't him, he and Vicki exude a familiarity and a long history. And what I really appreciate is that the show has actually given them some serious screen time, not just a token to please us old folks.

Tina and Cord - I'd never seen Cord before, and I'd only seen Tina in the horrid Mendora storyline a couple of years ago. Frankly, I couldn't see what the noise was all about. This time, I can. The interplay between the two, between the flighty (but maybe not so much) Tina, and the solid cowboy Cord has been wonderful to watch. They've also done a trip or two down memory lane, which helps me place them in perspective. I'm glad to see them and I hope to see more. And, the Lord siblings scenes are lots of fun!

Blair - It's just nice to see her, frankly. They don't seem to have really started her storyline yet, but it looks like it's gearing up, with the tug between Todd and Tomas.

Todd - His story seems stalled right now, but I suspect it will take off again after the Gigi crap is wrapped up. But I DO like RH. He does comedy and quirky very well.

And today we had a Nigel sighting! That's a good day! And we've had a lot of Roxie for the first time in ages. And then there's Tea, Tomas, Bo, Nora, and the other folks I like.

I'm thinking - hoping is more accurate - that this Gigi storyline will wrap up quickly and we'll see the last of Rex and It. I mind Rex much less when he's not with her, but I still won't miss him. Shane is the best of the bunch.

Matthew should wake up soon, and take that storyline somewhere. While I won't welcome seeing Destiny back on screen, it will be nice to see him, and more of Bo and Nora.

And I have to avoid Fudd and realize Jessica is a lost character since they've tied her to that slime. It's hard to believe that he has fans, but apparently he does. I'm not one of them.

But, more often than not, OLTL is still delivering soap well

I know it was days ago, but Hope as Mr. Peanut was the cutest thing! And all her lines were right on target - how does a kid that little know how to act? I was enthralled :)

Love love love Cord and Tina! They are so good together. He makes her more realistic and likable (I've never enjoyed her ditziness).

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