Shlock and Awe and Negative Attention To Detail, Sense
General Hospital has never exhibited a real concern for factual accuracy or medical soundness. Or continuity or character development. Or...you know, that sentence could probably go on indefinitely and everyone reading this blog could list their own suggestion for aspects of quality television that General Hospital does not even consider a thing, so the following isn't surprising in a "But this show is usually so logical and detail-oriented!" way, because I'm not blogging from 1997, but it is surprising, and saddening, in a "What if THIS isn't even the bottom of the barrel? What if this barrel HAS no bottom?!" way.
Lisa Niles, boring doctor turned stalker turned SUPERVILLAIN, spent some months in a coma after stabbing herself in the chest with a syringe containing cleaning fluid following a tense/ridiculous/overly long hostage situation which stands out in my mind as both ridiculous AND as a memory of the good old days.
Then she woke up from her coma and seriously? She's fine. Actually, she's fucking bionic. Because while some people experience muscle weakness or other ailments following time spent comatose and require extensive physical therapy, this girl is like a death squad of one, knocking people out left and right and barely even getting winded. Like, I'm not sure how it's possible that the same drain cleaner that put someone in a vegetative state could also strengthen their muscles and improve endurance, but here we are!
After a reign of terror that saw her attack random GH and yacht staffers and stab assorted mobsters, Lisa snuck up behind Elizabeth, chloroformed her and THREW HER OVERBOARD.
BECAUSE THAT IS PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE FOR SOMEONE WHO JUST CAME OUT OF A COMA, WHAT THE HELL?
Maybe I'll give her the benefit of the doubt here, because Elizabeth IS bitsy. But what about ROBIN?!
Sure, Robin is also teensy, but she's the daughter of superspies! COME ON!
Although it seems like not even all the Devane-Scorpio DNA in the world is a match for Lisa because she was also able to overpower Patrick who, remember, was standing when he encountered her and is also a good half foot taller than she is.
Then, after chloroforming him (or injecting him with something; she likes to play with rags and syringes and seems to have a steady supply of both with her), she dragged him over to the bed and tied him up. Although it's possible, given her superhuman strength, that she tossed him onto the bed with ease, like one would throw a Nerf ball. Who knows? It's not like we saw it onscreen! Yes, that's right: we didn't get to see Lisa take Patrick down. Because it was more important for Olivia and Steve to talk some more about how he is secretive and about the time she hurt herself on a stripper pole, and for Maxie and Spinelli to continue to have the same exact conversation about Liz being a skank on an endless loop. Since nobody, anywhere, finds any of that entertaining, I have to imagine that the writers deliberately swept it under the proverbial rug. I hope they are filled with shame. I know I am...