The Great Pumpkin Comes Bearing Gifts
I'm really just not able to speak rationally about One Life to Live when they throw things like this at me. I get all warm and fuzzy and gooey and giddy and just lose my critical eye altogether.
I wonder if this is how this is the show sustains itself when I'm bored with it. Do you think people who are really hardcore fans of, say, Rex and Gigi, were warm and fuzzy and gooey and giddy with no critical eye during all those months where they were a driving force of the show and I was miserable? I guess all the Nate and Dani fans thought the show was absolutely on fire at times that just looking at the screen made my head hurt. Ford fans probably think the show is at its best when Ford is being what I assume to some is absolutely adorable and schmoopy while I am trying to hold down the bile.
While I realize that all of this is obvious to anyone who can think rationally and realize why soap operas have a lot of stories that fans disagree on, but I'm just extra-aware of it during these times when I lose all ability to fairly evaluate something. In general, I've spoken a lot about Tina's very presence (and mind you, I'm talking Andrea Evans' Tina's presence, I would not be so warm and fuzzy about some of the others I'll skip mentioning just to spare us all the unfortunate memories) rendering me useless in the snark department because she and her wig just make me so damn happy. And we know I've been flying high on alternating days since Roger Howarth's return. But this business today?
Y'all, I mean come on! Tina and Todd bickering over money? And then fighting over a bowl of candy, and Viki having to play mediator? Too cute. And I just... look at that picture. It's not just Tina and Viki and Todd sharing a frame. It's Andrea Evans and Erika Slezak and Roger Howarth sharing a frame. I think this is the first time? It's like I've died and gone to soap heaven.
And then, as if that weren't enough, there they were, all begrudgingly holding hands!
I am dorking out so hard right now, y'all!
The banter kicked some serious ass:
Tina: I'm sorry. I couldn't help but overhearing that if Victor's will holds and my mother's will holds, then everything goes to me.
Todd: Talk about a hold-up.
Tina: What? I'm her daughter.
Todd: I'm her son.
Tina: Okay, so we can go halvesies.
Todd: I'm not going halvesies with you on anything.
Viki: Oh, here we go.
Todd: That was my money.
Viki: Give it to me.
Todd: Victor Lord, Sr. left it to me. It is all mine.
Tina: You know, you have got to teach him to share.
Viki: Not my job.
Todd: Victor Lord, Jr. had no right to take that money from me, much less give it to Irene!
Tina: Okay, you have a point there, but since you were declared legally dead --
Todd: Do I look dead?
Tina: You could use a little color.
Todd: I'm not dead, so all of this is -- is fruit of the poisonous tree.
Viki: No, that's rules of evidence.
Todd: And the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Viki: That's genetics.
Todd: Victor Lord left the money to me, and I'm still alive. Anything based on me being dead is -- is -- is -- help me out here -- null and void. Did I get that right?
Viki: No, that's for a judge to decide.
Tina: Yeah, and since I am every bit as much Victor's child as you are, then I have a case, right?
Todd: You have a case of the stupids.
Tina: He just called me stupid!
Oh, it's just such good stuff. (And kudos to Elizabeth Page, who I believe wrote today's dialogue.)
So along the lines of what I was saying before, if you're a person who does not enjoy the Lord siblings, I do offer up my sympathy because you have to be rolling your eyes through all this. Because for serious, y'all, it's pretty damn nice being us right now.
I also offer up my sympathy to those of you who hate Blair and Todd as a pairing. Because holy crap did I get what I wanted today! After Viki scolded Todd for trying to open a beer bottle on the edge of the kitchen counter (is this not what kitchen counters are for?), he let her know that he's ready to fight for what he wants.
Todd: (to Viki) Yeah, you want the old me back? I'm back. I want it all. I want my money, I want my newspaper, I want my children -- everything that I lost. Especially Blair.
And then he totally got that classic Todd look on his face that basically says, "Okay. Huh. So now I've identified what I want. And damn do I want it. And I probably don't deserve it. And I don't care, because I'm getting it. Now for a plan!"
And it didn't stop there!
Todd: I thought about her every day when we were apart. It's a very difficult thing to miss a woman. And I was terrified that I had been forgotten.
Viki: I can't speak for Blair, but, you know, things change.
Todd: The minute I saw her at the movie premiere and I kissed her, and I knew right away that she remembered. (smiles) She remembered. She's the one. She saved my life in the woods. She did. If it weren't for her, I would have bled to death all over your kitschy, overstuffed sofa. And the whole time we're there together, there's something between us. We both felt it.
It's just too much. Dorky, giddy, dizzy, exultant bliss. It's like 1986 and 1996 at the same time all over again. But in a good way. I'm going to go listen to Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam now. And then switch to the Gin Blossoms.