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« There's Not Much To Say When There's Not Much To See | Main | It Gets Cuter »

October 30, 2011

The Sense To Nonsense Ratio Is Depressing

I'm sorry, I just cannot.

I know we, as General Hospital viewers, are expected to suspend massive amounts of disbelief, basically on a daily basis and that this week alone, we were asked to just roll with the notion that weeks in a coma would give Lisa the strength of a comic book superhero, among other equally ridiculous things. And I know that Franco's times in Port Charles have been downright offensive in how little mind they pay to logic and entertainment value and acting talent, so what's with one more I am SO sure moment? But I just can't buy that Franco could hide under Jason and Sam's bed in Hawaii, with the Morgans none the wiser.

I mean, REALLY! Forget about how these two people with dangerous lives should be naturally suspicious in any circumstance but especially so when they know they are being targeted (again) by a murderer/artist: based on what we know about Franco (specifically that he is obsessed with Jason and also terrible), there is no way he'd be able to be in Jason's presence for even a few seconds without giggling or panting. So yeah, GH. Not buying it.

That's just one of many things on General Hospital right now that I am having a hard time swallowing. There are more. Many more. Including...

  • Ethan's newfound role as the Spencer family expert and the show's continuing rewrite of Spencer family history that leads to more elaborate metaphors about how home life imprisoned Luke.
  • Joss not having already filed the paperwork necessary to become an emancipated minor.

    Yes, she is still a toddler, but she's a highly advanced one! I don't see why she hasn't hauled ass (in those adorbs little sneakers) to the town hall to legally extricate herself from her mother's web of crazy.
  • Michael NOT being this show's hate-to-hate villain.
Lulu's extended meltdown over Dante's safety and how it will ruin their future by making her so sick with worry that she will literally go crazy like her mother has been absolutely painful to watch. I understand the fear and concern that spouses and family of police officers have to live with is very stressful, but the girl is basically resigning herself to a future of padded walls and shock therapy and has been so annoying about it that I can understand Ethan trying any means necessary to make these conversations stop, but pulling out the picture of Laura was...an odd means. And then belaboring the whole "Luke can't be tied down! He's a Spencer MAN! He likes to ROAM!" thing was even odder.

Ethan: What do you think Laura would say about all this?

I think she would say "What the hell are you doing with my picture, you creepy, greasy man?"

And you know what she would say about THIS, Eth?

Ethan: Live small? Something Luke is fundamentally incapable of.

She would say, "YOU DON'T EVEN GO HERE!"

And you know what she would say to her daughter?

Lulu, looking at the picture of Laura after being weirded out for, like, less than three seconds that it is Ethan's new companion: It's crazy. It's like looking into a mirror.

She would say, "THAT'S crazy? That a mother and a daughter might look alike? Not the part about your brother toting me around? And also, STOP WHINING!"

But nobody hit the siblings with such knowledge. Instead, Lulu moped and moped.

Lulu: She was trying so hard to do something that was never going to happen. I think that's what eventually broke her.
Ethan: What?
Lulu: I don't know. My situation with Dante. If it's not going to work, and I'm pushing it...
Ethan: Oh. You're scared that you're more like Laura than you realize and that you're going to break just like her. 

First of all, trying to domesticate Luke is not what broke Laura, although I am totally fine with pretending that the whole Rick Webber cluster never happened.

Second of all, this train of thought tells me that you are already crazy, Lulu. And that you're about two seconds away from breaking ME.

Ethan finally had enough and opted to end the conversation with some truth and some flattery.

Ethan: It sounds like you're afraid of becoming your parents, which is ridiculous because you're not Laura and you're not Luke. Just be your magnificent self.

I think he overplayed things a bit with the "magnificent" part, but desperate times and so on.

DividerSo, yes, Lulu is regretting allowing herself to be peer pressured into accepting Dante's proposal and is convinced that if she does marry him, she will go out of her mind. Dante, on the other hand, is like totally over the moon about Lulu and can't wait to get out of the hospital because he wants to see her because he loves her and wants to build a future with her and it is almost funny, really, how unsubtle it all was.

But Dante might never get out of the hospital--he might go to jail, instead, for murdering his criminally annoying brother. Oh, the cheers I would cheer if that happened. They would be gleeful.

Michael went to visit Dante, ostensibly to be a supportive sibling but also to tattle on Ronnie and Delores for being overly aggressive with Abby and a robot, respectively. The conversation turned to what happened the night that Dante got shot and Michael shut down, refusing to answer any of Dante's questions and generally being sassy.

Dante appealed to him with melodrama:

Dante: What happened to me in this warehouse didn't just cost me part of my lung...

And also snark:

Dante: You and I both know someone didn't shoot me because Sonny's coffee beans were bad.

But Michael just snitted about how typical it is of people in Port Charles to blame Sonny when things go wrong. Sadly, he made some good points (like that Dante shouldn't have gone anywhere without backup), but he made them in the most obnoxious, condescending way. I just...I need him to be punched, and often.

Michael: You know what I think really has you pissed off? This whole thing has Lulu questioning whether you should be a cop or not, and you can't pin that on Dad.

You know what I think really has Dante pissed off? The fact that he was fucking SHOT! And is missing part of his lung! And that he shares DNA with you! He is just awful.

DividerThat's a pretty neat segue...

Carly and Sam exchanged some harsh words about Carly's complete lack of boundaries when it comes to Jason. This will undoubtedly blow up in Sam's face when it turns out that Carly was RIGHT and that Franco is THERE and that Jason is in DANGER, but I was happy to see Sam throw some bitch right back at Carly. I mean, REALLY.

Sam: Need any help?
Carly: Yeah. You and Jason can come back to Port Charles.
Sam: Absolutely not.
Carly: Why? What's so important about this honeymoon?


Sam: ...an excuse for you to show up here.
Carly: An excuse because I fear for my daughter's life?!

"I fear for her life so much that I took her across country, directly into the line of fire! That's a mother's love!"

Carly, dismissively: He is your husband, but you know what? He's also my friend. And we both know that Franco tortures Jason by going after the people he loves.

"And Jason loves me, which means I am in DANGER!"

Jason: I need you to do something for me, okay?
Carly: Anything.

"Anything. Is it something sexual? Because I'm there, Jase. I'm there."

As soon as Shawn started packing, Joss was saying her goodbyes, but she remained conspicuously quiet when Carly told her to tell Jason to come home soon, ha!

This adorable, though distressingly average head-sized (she's growing up so fast, sob!), toddler is basically the show's sole redeeming quality, is what I'm saying.


Carly is just the worst. Period.

You know, when Wolf first took over and was promising that Sometimes They Come Back I was dreaming of the return of Robert and Anna, Laura, Bobbie, Scott, Serena, Kevin and Lucy, and (of course) the lamented lost Quartermain Family.

Now I just keep hoping that they all stay away instead of getting in the middle of the tornado of SUCK that is GH at this moment in time. It's almost like some brilliant evil plan to make everyone so unlikeable that if/when the show gets canceled and the last episode features everyone being killed by rabid rabbits we will all just cheer that it is finally over.

One slight correction: I'm pretty sure Dante doesn't share any DNA with Michael.

You're right, Melissa, Dante is the product of Sonny & Olivia, while Michael is the spawn of Snarly...er, Carly and AJ Quartermain. BTW, is it just me, or has anyone else noticed that every man that Carly gets her claws into ends up with mental problems? Yeah, yeah, I know, AJ was already messed up due to the drinking, but he sure did get worse after Carly...

Oh, and speaking of Carly, I saw a blurb on Soapnet that Shawn & Carly are going to at least kiss. At least Shawn is wearing a white tank. ;)

This whole Lulu/Laura comparison is driving me crazy, since as you point out forcing Luke into domesticity isn't what even 'broke' her! And it makes me want to punch Luke and Lucky in the face, even though Lulu is being annoying, every time they talk about Lulu (and by extension, Laura) being weak. (And as someone who likes the couple, I'm irritated that they couldn't even give us *one* moment where both of them were happy about being engaged.)

I actually have hope though that the other characters will start waking up to the crazy that is Michael. There seems to be some hope for Abby at least. I used to despise her and now I'm actually rooting for her to dump his ass.

'But Dante might never get out of the hospital--he might go to jail, instead, for murdering his criminally annoying brother.' - I swear, you got me there, Mal.

For one nanosecond, this all went through my head: "Finally! Wait, how did I miss this? I skip a lot as I don't watch the show per se and I just watch a couple of minutes of two shows a eek on YT, but still, this was not how it ended on Friday. Was it painful? God, I really hope it was painful! How come I haven't read about it ahead from all these spoilers? YAY! NAY :( It can't be true :( "

Because I saw Dante and Michael's scenes, at least parts of them. All I could think of was DIE, JERK! DIE!

He's just the worst, worst of all evil on GH, Sonny and Carly included and there's no one I loathe more than Sonny, there simply isn't.

Melissa, you're right. I'm beginning to think that cancellation is the best thing that can happen to GH now. I feel for the cast and crew though :(

The only thing I liked about the whole show was little Josslyn saying "Bye-bye" and "Thank you" on cue, and then ad libbing a "Mommy", as Carly eased on out the door. The rest of the show can just be flushed down the commode, along with their new Head Writer, who isn't very much better than Guza, and that's really saying something.

I don't really get this Lulu/Dante thing. A few years ago Lulu was madly in love with a mobster and was fine with that danger. Secondly, GH is going out of their way to make it seem like being a cop is as dangerous as being a mobster. It really isn't. Both times he was shot pretty can be traced to Sonny. Obviously he shot him the first time and this time he was doing something stupid in Sonny's warehouse without backup. Even if he gives up his badge he will still have Sonny as a father and Michael as his idiot brother, so I don't see what Dante can do about that except run back to Bensonhurst and take Lulu, Olvia, and Kate with him. And the Lulu vs. Laura comparison makes me ragey. First of all Laura is not looney anymore (and should have never been in the first place) and is not the reason Luke sucks. In all reality, Lulu would be lucky to be like Laura because her character was may more awesome than Lulu's could ever dream of being.

Carrie, Lulu did indeed bring up that Dante being Sonny's son would put him in danger as well. But otherwise, ITA with your post. The fact that Lulu is worrying about all this now is contrived. Now, if she was focused solely on Dante's stupidity in not using a vest or back-up, that would be a different story.

Lulu just thrives on her own drama. Even when it's not about her, she makes it about her, so I'm not shocked that she's using her engagement as an opportunity to freak out and try to create an addiction for herself. This mess is just too contrived.

Ethan got one thing right: he said Lulu is not like Laura. Well, that's for damn sure!

I can't imagine I'll ever say something like this again, but Carly did not bother me on this particular epi. Putting aside, for the moment, the fact that since she thought Franco was in Hawaii, she naturally felt the need to take her toddler there (!!!), she wasn't the only dumb one in that whole convo with Sam.

and looloo was the one pressuring liz to go back to a drug addicted cheating emotionally abusive cop husband, but first looloo left dante b/c he kept her brother's secret, which wasn't her business and now she can't marry him b/c he's a cop and could get hurt. how about her other bfs a mob guy,a crazy soldier. i would be more worried that he is sonny's son than that he is a cop.

I'm just over it!

"And is missing part of his lung! And that he shares DNA with you! He is just awful."

I don't get it. How do Michael and Dante share the same DNA? Sonny is Dante's bio-dad, but Michael is A.J.'s bio-son.

Oh, man, I had a total mental lapse, guys. Duh! Of course I remember Michael's sordid history. I'm...just dumb.

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