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« Llanview Forever! | Main | Our Latest Soap Opera Digest Column »

November 19, 2011

Everyone Here Is Fluent In Crazy

I have two theories.

The first theory is that the next non-sweeps non-event that General Hospital will be bringing to us is the tale of an epidemic: a strain of particularly contagious and serious mental illness, the first symptom of which is saying things that are off the wall BONKERS.

The second theory is that the writers don't care even a little bit about the show that they are writing for (why should they? They have the most secure jobs on this planet. They have literally burned an American institution to the ground--I know it seems like I am misusing the word literally, but they actually did set fire to General Hospital--and continue to draw paychecks). "But didn't we just...?" "Yeah, so?" "But..." "Hasn't anyone ever told you to think outside the box? Continuity's the box, dude. The box can go to hell!"

I think the latter is more likely, although the former is both ridiculous and medically implausible enough to appeal to this particular writing staff.

It's not that the show's failure to maintain a consistent theme from day-to-day or scene-to-scene, even, is a new development. It's just...I hate it.

The most egregious crazy, and the one that had me the most concerned about the likelihood of a mass brain damage story, was Monica's crazy. I didn't even want to discuss it, because it's the kind of horror that should really be repressed and also, I didn't want to give the powers-that-be the chance to say "Hey, we googled Quartermaine + hate + worst + never again, and look what we found? It's a good thing we already killed the rest of them off; it's what the fans wanted!". But...it was so, so crazy.

After Lucky sensed that Aiden was in danger and begged a reluctant (and disgusting) Luke to bring him to GH--well, immediately after that, everybody went completely off the rails and spent 60 minutes talking to themselves or ghosts or paintings. But after THAT, Aiden was admitted to GH and Monica took one look at the bruises on his body and came to the conclusion that Elizabeth is an abusive whore. No, really: she basically said she's a neglectful mother who killed Jake and also, what a slut, amirite?

Steve: My sister would never raise a hand to her children.
Monica: Well, I'm talking more about neglect. Elizabeth is not the most mindful of parents.
Steve: If you're suggesting --
Monica: I'm suggesting that she wasn't paying attention when Jake walked out that door.
Steve: She was distracted for a second. It happens to everyone.
Monica: Especially when you let other people take care of your kids most of the time!

Only on this show is putting your children in daycare considered a greater sin than being a hired killer.

Really, though! How hateful, on basically every single level. I know that Monica is grieving for the grandson she never knew and it is reasonable for her to have issues about that, but this is not the way to deal with those issues!

Elizabeth: No, no, no, no. H-he needs me. As a mother, you understand that, right?
Monica: Uh, don't -- don't play the mother card with me.
Elizabeth: What? Oh, my god, are you still angry over Jake?
Monica: Uh, yes, I am, but I am not using my grief as an excuse to latch onto a married man.
Elizabeth: How dare you. I will be grieving for the loss of my son every day for the rest of my life. You of all people should understand how that feels.
Monica: Well, it isn't the first time that you have been a victim for Jason.
Elizabeth: Monica, it was the fever!
Monica: I'm just saying that he is now married to Sam. Don't get in the way.

What in the name of WHAT?!


Then there was Olivia and Kate, who are experiencing some serious memory lapses. After weeks of pressuring Kate to save Sonny from himself, because she's the only one who really knows him*, Olivia decided to warn her cousin that she is headed down a dangerous road. When Kate called her out on this sudden reversal, Olivia said "I am changing my mind for storyline-dictated reasons". No, she actually said that what she wanted was for Kate to TALK to Sonny, not get romantic with Sonny, as if Sonny has ever exhibited the ability to talk and listen and not try to get into a woman's pants before. Right.

Then they talked a lot about their reinvented past in Bensonhurst and it didn't even accidentally become interesting.

*She's still on that, too.

Olivia: Okay, Connie**, listen. I'm not saying that Sonny doesn't have real, true feelings for you. I really think he does. In fact, I think you know him better than anybody in the world

I think about three dozen ex-flames of Sonny who have also been described as "knowing him better than anybody in the world" would beg to differ, Liv.

**It makes me irrationally angry when she calls Kate Connie, like changing your name (especially in a town like Port Charles, where so few people are known by their birth name!) is almost as great a sin as putting your child in daycare.


Maggie: What do you think I'm gonna do, snatch the baby and run to another hospital?
Steve: You mean like you did in Memphis?

Beg pardon, what?!

Memphis should seriously consider suing this show for slander, because GH is doing nothing to make me want to visit, between what seems to be incredibly lax security at their hospitals and the darkness of whatever dark deed Steve did when he was there.

Then there is Michael, who is one of the craziest in Port Charles (and one of the most irksome and the most terrible and the most profoundly unlikable), perhaps because his brain is starting to crumble under the weight of the horrible things that have happened to him. The most insane thing about him is, obviously, his single-minded drive to become a mobster despite the mob lifestyle robbing him of years of his life and some brain matter, but the rest of him is crazy, too. Like the way he is downright gleeful talking to Carly about her relationship with Shawn.

Michael: Shawn was hired for security, Mom, not sex.

Carly: Ashamed of what?
Michael: Last time I checked, you were married to Jax.

I am trying to imagine a circumstance in which I would ever be comfortable discussing my mother's sex life with her, and even THINKING about having such a conversation is making me want to swallow a fistful of barbituates and wail "Goodbye, cruel world". But this would-be/should-be psych patient willingly brings it up? I gag.

When Sonny joined this completely inappropriate conversation, the gagging continued.

Carly: It feels good to start from scratch.
Sonny: I'm sure it feels good, but don't expect me to jump on that, uh, bodyguard train.

Declining a threesome before you've even been invited to participate is pretty bold, no? But Sonny's never been shy about having a high opinion of himself.


I agree that monica was way harsh to elizabeth but I dont blame her for being angry. Elizabeth told everyone else that jake was jasons including Luke and Laura and when Jason wanted to tell monica about Jake, elizabeth claimed it was too dangerous for her to know. Like I said, I dont blame her for being upset with elizabeth but her delivery/timing sucked.

I might be in the minority but I do think the show has been improving lately. There has been a lot more romance (which is what people wanted)and i think that each characters are being given dimensions. Also, Wolf is actually continuing his stories, unlike Guza who dropped a story and did not develop it.

Even Carly does not deserve that kind of crap from those two. I would not have blamed her in the least if she had shot them on the spot.

As for all this Cassadine stuff, it's too stupid to even think about. Why would they start a Cassadine story AFTER Nikolas has left? sigh.

Yes, Monica has every right to mad at Liz BUT that does not give A DOCTOR the right to verbally ATTACK a sick patient whose child was just brought in to the ER. Monica knew full well that Liz's ramblings with Jason were fever induced and yet she chose to take Liz's fear over the possiblity of losing a SECOND CHILD to attack her behind Jason's lame ass. That was so uncalled for. Also Liz is a single parent who has to work. Would Monica prefer she leave her kids at home alone than in the hospital daycare. I think Monica forgets that not everyone has servants and nannys like she had with her kids.

I've been watching the show since I was 5 years old so that's 30 years. So I know for a fact that Monica was the biggest HOE back in the day. She slept with everyones man married or not. Plus her kids spent half of their youth in boarding school. Now as far as being mad about Jake she needs to be mad at her hitman of a son. Yeah Liz asked him not to tell but she also asked Lucky not to tell but you see Lucky still told his mother. I remember Lucky telling Liz that he couldn't lie to Laura and that she had a right to know. Even Emily knew and didn't tell Monica

Monica's head is so far up Jason's ass all she can spew is dumb shit. She's grieving the death of a grandson she didn't know more than she ever grieved for her own dead son. Hmmm. Sounds like her guilty conscience deflecting her own inadequacies. Jason hasn't shown any grief for either his son who recently died or his brother he helped kill years ago. And he hasn't much liked his step-mother either. You remember her Jason - the one who didn't want you near Emily's funeral. Like you might bring her more harm. WTH?

Elizabeth is everyone's punching bag it seems and I don't know what the intent is for that kind of biased writing but the more vitriol they spew the better she looks to me. She sure didn't get pregnant by herself and those two men who claim to care so much about Jake and his safety didn't do anything to really help her secure it. Three people made the decision but only one of them actually took care of the child.

And only on GH would it sound as though rising about your humble beginnings (Bensonhurst) and going to college to ultimately become successful and educated is such a sin one must change their name. WTH? Shut up, Holivia. I hope Kate finds enough street girl left to put her Louboutins up your likely-botoxed ass.

Carly and Shawn? Geez, Carly, stop talking about having/maybe having/considering having sex with anyone anyone remotely related to you. No kids, no exes... just do it. If its good, maybe you'll mellow... if not at least you'll have some new dialog. And we all know Sonny'd be all over a 3-way.

So many people were saddened at the end of AMC. So many are saddened at the upcoming end of OLTL. With the crap being passed on GH, who will really care when it goes?

Your post beautifully describes why I no longer watch GH. It's painful to see what has happened to this once great show.

Will the day ever come when Elizabeth Webber is no longer blamed for the decisions made by Jason Morgan? What a crock of bull to let this grown man totally off the hook for his own choices.

If Monica wants to bitch someone out, start with her loser douchebag of a son who rejected her for more than a decade because HE decided, she wasn't worthy of his time.

Elizabeth never forced Jason not to tell Monica the truth about Jake's paternity. She voiced her opinion, ultimately the choice was Jason.

Michael discussing his mother's sex life with her is all kinds of nasty. Ewww.

Monica, I was watching GH back when you were married to Jeff Webber while screwing his brother Rick, so back off!

Monica can not take her fury out on Jason since he has now allowed her back into his life and she's hoping to stay there.

I can honestly say that I'm glad I'm not watching this crap anymore. It sounds awful

I get that Monica is pissed at being one of the last people in PC to know that Jake was Jason's biological child. And yes, Elizabeth only wanted a select few people to know. Monica wasn't on Elizabeth's shortlist. And guess what? Neither Jason or Emily thought that Monica truly needed to know either. They are Monica's kids and it was their job to inform Monica about her grandparent status. Honestly, I don't know why Monica is so distant from Elizabeth and the boys anyway. Elizabeth and Emily were best friends. Emily watched the boys. I still find it hard to believe that Monica had so little contact with the kids. Especially after Emily's demise. Why the hell wouldn't she be trying to keep in touch with her daughter's bestest pal/pseudo sister? Especially since she has known for years that Elizabeth is close with both Emily and Jason.

Monica has been losing her damn mind since Tracy told her the truth about Jake. I guess that she doesn't feel like she can have it out with Jason. Emily is gone. And blasting Tracy won't really make her feel better. So being catty, bitchy and superior to Elizabeth is her outlet. Problem being this: she is outright accusing Elizabeth of child neglect and Elizabeth is in no shape to put up with that vile. Elizabeth has lost 2 pregnancies and Jake. Now she is sick(after being assaulted by a lunatic and almost drowning) and here is Monica practically threatening to take her baby away from her. A baby that has already been kidnapped once from the damn hospital. Elizabeth doesn't deserve that stress.

If Monica is just taking out her anger at being left out of Jake's life, then fine, write it that way. But they need to have Elizabeth privately tell Monica that she is sorry, but that she needs to take her bitching to where it really belongs: Saint Jasus. Or have Jason himself see Monica go off on this "Elizabeth is a bad mother" rant. Have him tell her himself that Monica being uninformed was his decision. Which it totally f@cking was! Elizabeth didn't want Monica told, but hey, it wasn't like she could compel Jason to agree with her. So yeah, someone needs to catch a clue and tell Monica that being a complete bitch is not how to deal with grief over Jake.

I now firmly believe that immediately hitting the ff button when I see Michael is the correct choice.

And didn't Monica try to pass off AJ as Rick Webber's son? And then when it turned out that he wasn't, didn't she treat him like last week's shoes? One son grew up to be a neglected & abusive alcoholic & the other son turned into a borg-like killer. All I can say is "bitch, please"

Great blog! Yes Monica has a right to be angry about not finding out about her grandson until he was dead but sorry that is on Jason not Liz. Yes Laura and Luke knew but that was Lucky's decision not Liz's and while Jason did ask Liz about telling Monica it was when she was going into rehab for alcoholism. Not who I would want to know either since Jakes safety was the reason for the secret but it was Jasons choice in the end. Just like Lucky he could have told her then or anytime after that and he didn't.

Monica was vile, unprofessional and a world class hypocrite considering how she raised her kids or make that let other people raise them RME, not to mention her not so pure past but for a Doctor to verbally attack her patient
who is recovering from a near fatal drowning, pneumonia and whose child has been brought in ill is just beyond the pale IMO

Ditto on Michael; he is a little asshole and Olivia's 180's about Sonny are making me dizzy.

GH is far and away the worst soap on the air. The recent promos about Luke's 'redemption' were nauseating and I refuse to put my self through it. Tony Geary and Jonathan Jackson would be performing their self indulgent, Emmy-baiting schtick, I felt my decision to walk away was a good one.

I just tuned out a few weeks back because the writing is horrible. There was a time when Guza wrote pretty compelling story and when I began missing Guza, fondly remembering my favorite times with The Ole Guz, it was time to leave. I realized I was in a bad way longing for one abusive head writer over the current abusive writer. I felt foolish and ashamed. I had to walk away.

GH is awful and this should be the soap going off the air not OLTL.Monica is a stupid inconsiderate person for what she was saying and she should be sprouting that bullshit to her killer son and to tell Liz to stay away from Jason Liz don't want his ass and as far as im concern he is not a prize.

I was going to leave my own angry comment about how Monica treated Elizabeth, but you guys have pretty much covered it all. We need Cameron to give Monica a "bitch, please" look. She deserves it, and I want to see more Cameron!!!!

So when Scott Reeves took a break from acting and devoted himself to his singing career, the Tennessee town he moved to was Nashville, not Memphis. Why can't they trash Nashville for awhile? Nashville has hospitals.

Why did Luke help Maggie? Because they're both "rebels" and misunderstood? Is this show on crack?

Bottom line, Jason has his own thoughts and opinions. If he really wanted Monica to know about Jake, he would have told her, whether Elizabeth agreed or not. I can't put any of that on Emily, b/c she only suspected about Jake and it wasn't confirmed to her until the night she was murdered. That said, she respected Jason and Elizabeth's choice and wasn't mad about it and didn't feel she was entitled to know anything they didn't want to tell her.

Also, I get that Monica's back in Jason's life so she has to sit on the floor by his table and catch whatever breadcrumbs he deigns to brush her way, but she needs to take her vemon elsewhere. Elizabeth has never bullied Jason into making any decisions and I find it laughable that such a tiny thing could make him do anything he didn't agree with. Above all else, she's a freaking doctor! Why does she continue to bully Elizabeth, esp. about Jason, seeing as how she was the dumbass who sent Jason to Elizabeth's room? If that short, harmless visit is a threat to his marriage, then Elizabeth isn't the problem.

Michael is horribly gross and I can't believe Carly indulged him by discussing anything with him. At the same time, Michael has always been a smart-ass punk and he got away with it.

I don't get Steve. He went behind Robin's back (I didn't know he could do that) and hired a doctor he seems to have problems with. Why the hell is she there then?

Olivia...STFU and STFD.

I wish that someone overhearing Monica ranting and raving about how Elizabeth is such a horribe parent and just outright ask Monica if she would EVER say those comments in front of her beloved late daughter. That should be like a punch to the gut for Monica. Which apparently she needs. Monica's behavior is just completely out of the norm for her. MONICA QUARTERMAINE of ALL people judging a woman about parenting and marital status is just mindboggling. Who the hell on the writting staff thinks that this storyline isn't completely outrageous and hypocritcal for Monica? Either the architect of this plot is a moron or just wants to piss off long time viewers. The more I think about it, the more it angers me!

Monica should be fairly close to Elizabeth, not trying to gather up the torches and pitch forks and run her out of town.

"Monica, I was watching GH back when you were married to Jeff Webber while screwing his brother Rick, so back off!"

Who I might add happens to be Liz's dad. I was watching back then too Ladybug and Monica really is not in a position to comment on Liz's parenting or choices in men/relationships. It was years before I could get over her cheating with Rick behind Leslie's back. I adored Leslie.

and jason managed to tell, um how many people? liz didn't tell anyone, jason was the motor mouth.

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