This Part of New York Is In The Deja Vu Time Zone
I would have been absolutely HORRIBLE during the olden-days. This was first hinted at during elementary school, where I was completely incapable of succeeding at Oregon Trail, instead dying in numerous and embarrassing ways and was driven home at the end of this past week when I practically flung myself, sobbing, at my cable box when television and internet service was finally restored after the huge New York/Connecticut outages following the freak October snowstorm (can I just say? This extreme weather is extremely worrisome to me. Snow in October knocks entire counties out, I had no power during Hurricane Irene AND there was an earthquake that, if I am being honest, I didn't actually feel, but still, it happened! I fear that soap writers will seize upon this weather weirdness for future sweeps stories. "We need to trap all of these people in a room together in May. But how? I know: MAY BLIZZARD! Hey, it could happen!"). I wanted to hug it and pet it and coo at it to never leave me again. Please note that I did not do any of those things but, in the throes of technology deprivation, I seriously contemplated it.
Obviously, no television means no soaps which means no soap blogging on my end (Louise has been bringing the brilliance all week, as always, when it comes to One Life to Live and The Bold and the Beautiful) which means a decidedly un-fun and depressing weekend spent catching up on a week's worth of soaps. It's been a slog. And I sort of cheated, because I watched Friday's episode of General Hospital first. I wanted to know if there was light at the end of this week's tunnel, you know? Like, maybe something fun and exciting that would set the tone for the coming weeks? And there was! It lasted, like, a second and a half, but Kristina's goodbye dinner was very sweet and I am going to miss Lexi Ainsworth very much, but the family fun was pretty delightful.
Too bad it was canceled out by, um, everything. Which, adding insult to injury, is nothing we have not seen before, repeatedly.
There was Carly marking her territory and acting with extreme hostility and attempted seductiveness when a man in her life pays a minute of attention to another woman. I am usually entertained to no end by the possessive, mouthy Carly, but this iteration leaves me cold. Partly because Shawn is so freaking dull and partly because if we keep going down this road on a monthly basis, we're soon going to be getting scenes of Carly acting like a jealous shrew when she sees someone talking to the FedEx delivery guy.
Carly: Hi, I'm Carly Jacks. I was with Shawn in Hawaii. You are...?
Renelle: I got this. Hello, I'm Renelle.
"Renelle? That's a slut's name if I ever heard one".
Renelle: What were you and Shawn doing in Hawaii?
Shawn: It was work.
Carly: If you want to call drinking on the beach work!
Shawn: It was a bit of an overstatement.
Carly: Have you ever been to Hawaii?
Renelle: A few years ago. Had a lot of fun.
Carly: Where Shawn and I stayed, it was just beautiful. We had a 1 bedroom shack right on the beach. Renelle: That's funny. I've never seen you drink tequila. Never seen you with anything but a beer.
Carly: Shawn's pretty guarded. It's amazing what he'll share with you if you just know how to get it out of him...
"I know how to get it out of him: with my vagina".
We also had one of General Hospital's favorite recurring themes: incest! During their never-ending point/counterpoint Claudia Zacchara: Saint or Psycho? (which has me tense and worried that Claudia will one day return to wreak more havoc on Port Charles; her planned havoc failed regularly and spectacularly, but her unintentional havoc, namely the pain she brought to me personally, scarred me deeply), Johnny and Anthony both made comments about the dearly departed madwoman that hint at feelings that are illegal, immoral, and icky. Disturbing as all of the following is--and oh, it is disturbing--I've come to expect it from the Zaccharas. Inappropriate relationships and sexual tension have been one of their defining traits over the years.
Johnny: She loved me and you sent her away!
Anthony: You two were unnaturally close! I had to put distance between you before you became fixated on her in a way that's unhealthy.
Uh, your plan was less than a rousing success, dude.
Anthony: You didn't know Claudia like I did.
Johnny: Why did you hate her so much? You acted like she wasn't even your daughter.
Anthony: Oh, she was my daughter, all right. More than you know. More than you'll ever know.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? I AM PRE-GAGGING RIGHT NOW.
And then, of course, the episode ended with the very real threat of Sam being sexually violated by Franco. Of course. OF COURSE. Kelly Monaco has been sexually menaced by nearly every villain that's traipsed through Port Charles and when you consider that Port Charles is a den of sin and a hotbed of murder, that is a whole lot of menacing. But this time is totally different, guys!! An Oscar-nominated actor is doing the violating AND Jason is being forced to watch the whole thing. This year's Outstanding Drama Emmy must already have this show's name engraved on it.
"Can't wait" for next week!