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« I've Had It! Leave My Soap Mom Alone! | Main | In Which Robocop Gets a Backstory »

December 22, 2011

Depression Hurts--And This Show Isn't Helping

Port Charles is so relentlessly grim these days that I keep expecting to catch a glimpse of the bathrobe from the commercials for Abilify (you know? The one that floats around morosely looking like a gloomy and oddly deflated Cookie Monster), lurking in the background looking sad, maybe having a drink at Jake's and pouring his heart out to Coleman. "It's just that...Lucky abandoned his kids. Why? Why would he do that? And why does Ethan hate the concept of Luke and Laura so much? I don't get it Coleman, I just don't get it. Can I have more peanuts please? Thanks."

In the span of sixty minutes, hearts were shattered all over the place. Lucky shatter Elizabeth's heart and Cameron's and mine, by deciding to run away to Ireland--to find himself.

Lucky: I was so hard on my dad. Every time he would leave, there was a part of me that would just want to blame him and judge him and... and now I'm doing that to you. See, the thing is, Aiden... you -- you don't leave because it's easy. You leave because...you leave because you have to.

Lucky: Yeah. I'm, uh, I'm no good to anyone here, not until I figure out what I want for my life.

Because writing the guy off the show by sending him out of town indefinitely for work- (or Laura-) related reasons would have been too complicated and not, what, douchey enough? I wish Cameron had overheard that explanation, yanked back the red scarf he had adorably gifted his father with and given a classic "Bitch, please" on the way to the town hall to file paperwork for legal emancipation.

Then there was Ethan, who broke my--well, it was more my brain that he broke than my heart, because this--this made me so angry that I spontaneously thought of, like, ten expletive-riddled things to say about it and I am pretty sure my brain actually short-circuited for a second because I got a wicked headache soon after that tool slurred the following words in the most condescending of manners, like he has known any of the people involved in these relationships for longer than eight minutes:

Ethan: What if you'd succeeded, hmm? What if you'd been able to keep Lucky trapped like Laura did with Luke?

It's not even the show's outright hatred of the Luke/Laura coupling that I object to (it's been such a common theme over the past few years that I think I reached the peak of my outrage in, like, 2009. Now I hear things like this and feel just a low-level hum of irritation), it's the person delivering the message. I know Ethan feels like he understands Luke better than people who have actually known him for years and that he understands the dynamics Spencer men have with women and with Cassadines (oh, how I ached to punch him in the face when he was laughing off the dangers of Wyndemere. Wait until Helena kidnaps you and fakes your death, dude and I hope that is your exit story), but honestly. He really doesn't KNOW these people and he certainly doesn't know them well enough to delve into their romantic histories and lecture people about them in that obnoxious, marble-mouthed way he has.

But then. THEN!

Dante and Lulu paid a (mercifully offscreen) visit to the September 11th Memorial and discussed it at length, before taking away the message that they should enjoy the time that they have and get married immediately. Yes. That happened. Because this show isn't upsetting and sad enough as it is, we need to awkwardly insert one of the most horrible and all-too-recent tragedies in recent memory into a freaking soap opera romance--that's not exploitative AT ALL.

I can't folks, I just can't. I am not even sure what to say, so I won't say anything. I will just leave a sad, angry "..."

Luckily--I cannot believe I am going to type these words--we had Sonny on today.

(I know! I KNOW! I feel dirty even writing it!)

He provided some much needed levity, both intentionally...

Jason: I already tried this with Spinelli.
: Please, don't compare me to Spinelli 'cause I'll get really upset.


And not so intentionally, by providing guidance to Jason as Jason falls down the all-too familiar wormhole of RAGE. And by "guidance", I mean "Sonny talked about himself at every opportunity".

Sonny: I know you've been through a lot, right? But all you got to do is look at me. I'm still standing.

Sonny, thank you for being such a self-absorbed fool, because without these brief (like...fleeting!) moments of hilarity, I probably would have spent the episode crying frustrated, sad tears.


In a way, it makes sense that Ethan has this warped view of Luke and Laura, considering his source of information is mostly Luke, but... he could just shut up about it! Or at least have someone counter it once and a while.

I cannot BELIEVE they used 9/11 yesterday. And, of course, Lulu learned that 9/11 was really all about her and her relationship. Yeah. MERRY FUCKIN' CHRISTMAS!

Lucky's such an asshole. I hope the Wee Folk come and whisk Cam and Aiden away to Fairyland.

Also, UGH to the Maxie/Liz stuff. Maxie always just looks so awful when she gets into it with Liz. They don't have to be friends, but Liz has never, you know, actually DONE anything to Maxie, so Maxie just looks insane for her antipathy. And Maxie JUST HAD A WOMAN MURDERED to cover up another murder that she thinks he boyfriend maybe had something to do with! Now is not the time to bust out the high horse, Ms. Jones! Plus, while I'm all for people being self-aware and love it when people admit their foibles and flaws, Maxie's whole "But at least I'm honest!" thing has really worn out its welcome. I mean, great, Maxie, that you're "honest," but that doesn't excuse you for being an asshole!

Oh, you're only hoping for Helena faking his death? I'm hoping for an actual one? Or actually, I just that his disappears, cause I don't need to see Luke ham it up all over the place.

Lucky abandoning his children right before Christmas? Seriously?! What a disservice to this once noble character and a major disservice to the audience. If this is how they exit Jonathan Jackson's Lucky I shudder to imagine what's in store for Kimberly McCullough's Robin. And speaking of Robin... can anyone confirm what I read about Lisa Niles replacing Robin's HIV medication with placebos is the cause of her deteriorating health. Is that true? If so, that meant that Lisa MURDERED Robin. Ugh.

Ethan only exists to destroy the love story of Luke and Laura. Ethan is awful and "waxes poetic" about how Laura trapped Luke and Lucky and Liz are "toxic." Seriously?! Ethan has NO IDEA WHAT THE RELATIONSHIPS WERE LIKE. The writers are intentionally driving away the audience. The Spencers have been destroyed.

Matt manic behavior and childish mentality is painful. Maxie has been beyond annoying for months now and I don't think Kristen Storms could elevate the writing of the character. Maxie calling Liz out on her marriage. PFFT. Maxie addicted Lucky to drugs, faked a pregnancy and miscarriage, attempted suicide. Later she cheated on Spinelli with Franco, offered to sleep with Johnny for money and recently threw Robin under the bus for Lisa's murder investigation. Unless the writing of the character changes, I don't want Kristen to come back. Jennifer Lawson is doing a fine job as a recast.

I actually didn't mind the 9/11 stuff, but I think that's because my husband is from Bensonhurst and also knew people from the neighborhood who had died, and the whole thing rang surprisingly realistic to me in the way Dante was talking about it. Like, I've heard friends and family say much the same things, even recently. But overall... it was pretty awkwardly shoed in there, and I didn't appreciate that it became about Lulu's relationship.

Also, can I just say, as someone who currently lives in Bensonhurst... the very idea that there is a nice hotel within walking distance to anywhere is laughable. Whenever I see Sonny and Kate just popping up places on foot, I just think "really? where exactly are you supposed to be staying?"

You live in Bensonhurst, Jane?! But I thought Bensonhurst was a wasteland devoid of people, except for the occasional old Italian lady! Are you shot on the way to work every day?

All I have to say is Thank you that JJ/Lucky is finally gone. Maybe now they will start writing Elizabeth back to the Elizabeth I know and love instead of this Elizabeth that all of a sudden and very out of the blue wants to make sure that her and Lucky are together when that is not their history of her begging for Lucky to stay with her and is now being torn down as the 'woman that constantly need saving' when we all know that's not true and that's not what we have been seeing on our screens. Like seriously what pisses me off more then anything is when a writer picks and chooses what true history he's going to use and what history he's going to change or ignore to destroy characters. Laura didn't have a breakdown because Luke left her. She had a breakdown because of everything involved in Rick Webber's death so its annoying to me to no end that Laura's love for Luke is being blamed for Laura's break down and I'm not even a Luke/Laura fan. GH needs to know the definition of breakdown. Just because someone checks themselves into a mental institute does not mean that are having a breakdown. Elizabeth didn't fake a 'breakdown' to try to manipulate Lucky. And if that was 'manipulation' it was poorly written. I've never known manipulation to involve not telling anyone where you are at and when they find you, telling them to leave so you can get the help you need.

Am I shocked that Lucky left before Christmas? Not really. To me, it's in his character because he's only interested in those kids or anyone for that matter when they can help him out. When Elizabeth was in SB last year, Audrey and Steven took care of the kids and he was basically taxi driver. When he came back into town with Siobhan, he didn't even want Elizabeth letting the kids know that he was in town, knowing that Siobhan might be targetted by the Balkan's men (after all that is the reason he brought her back to PC) he still allowed his children around her in the open, and I doubt he even spent time with them for Christmas last year considering that he would of found out about Cam going on the ski trip because Steven gave Cam his boots for the ski trip at Christmas. And yes, Cam is stil not adopted by this guy (thank goodness for small favors?).

I myself am just happy he's gone because I've never been a fan of this character since he made himself judge and jury over what went down between Luke and Laura before he was even born.

Ethan, I can so do without. I constantly laugh at the fact that he makes digs about Elizabeth when he's over there running around an empty castle looking for a woman wearing white. And really someone needs to sit his ass down when he decides to recount the history that is Laura and Luke.

Yeah! Lucky is finally gone! It's too bad that GH chose to recast Lucky with two other actors and simply should have either left the character dead or have him come back due to Helena's keeping him shackled at one of her homes for the last decade feeding him lies about his family and Liz.

Fuck you, GH. Fuck. You.

Okay, to be honest...here's what annoyed me the most. The damn scarf Cam gave Lucky. I have the same one, I think it was $15 at Nordstrom's FIFTEEN years ago. So I wanna know who's closet Cam raided for Daddy's X-mas present. Okay, so maybe it didn't annoy me the MOST, but it's what I remember most from yesterday's show.

It is sad when Sonny effing Corinthos is the one bringing the light to this show.

Lucky's right. You leave because you have to ... because you're a horrible person who can't stick around for a couple of days to spend Christmas with your kids because you absolutely have to go back to a graveyard in Ireland to find ... something. What a lovely story.

I don't care why JJLucky left, I'm just glad he's gone.

And bless Cam's little heart for giving him a red scarf - it'll make it so much easier for that red-beret-wearing Spitvon to locate him in the dark Irish cemetery - you know just in case the wind is a-blowing and she can't be guided to him by the sound of the weepin' and a-snottin'.

Glue them together and they can be like an itty-bitty little red accessorized graveyard gnome.

I am going to miss JJ because I have always loved him as Lucky. And I still do because I quit believing the crap the GH writers have been trying to tell me for years. Their one true talent is destruction and I reached limited long ago because they destroyed the good GH and left us with this crapfest. Lucky is not a piece of shit, Luke and Laura were not miserable, cops are good, mobsters are bad. I know all this to be true despite what they want me to believe and what they want me to feel about legacy characters. They may be attempting to destroy them so that I cheer when they leave, but in reality, I just cheer for the actor for getting the hell away from this awfulness. I will not be manipulated by these brainless twits.

Mallory, the bizarro bathrobe might not be making an appearance, but that creepy wind up doll from the Pristiq commercial is there - her name is Padilla.

I still cannot believe that Lucky is dumping the kids, right before Christmas. Who the fuck does that to children that they claim to love? There is no reason why Lucky has to be anywhere else but PC, NY. It isn't like Lucky has a job(Ha!) that requires him to be away. He just doesn't want to deal with Elizabeth. That might be awkward and hard. So HE decides that it is better for all(and it just happens to be easiest for him) that he leaves to parts unknown. When was the last time Lucky done anything truly important for the Webber boys? Has he adopted Cam? Nope. I just wish that someone would actually call Lucky a horrible deadbeat dad to his face.

Oooooh, your wife of all of a season died. And requested that you do something. So that gives you the right to abandon your infant son and the young boy you like to claim as your own----but hasn't bothered to adopt yet. At FUCKING CHRISTMAS. It wasn't like she demanded it be done by a certain date.

Honestly, this might be the worst way to write off Lucky. At least they could've had him kidnapped by some villain. Not heartlessly leaving two young boys(who have also lost their brother Jake this year) behind right before Christmas, for no good reason.

Fuck you TFGH writers for living up to your name!

I used to love this show until it became "The Sopranos" of daytime, with all those cheap gangsters killing each other. Horrible and unwatchable garbage with a lot of attractive people that can barely read lines. I guess people need their death in the afternoon. It would have been better to cancel this mess and leave "One Life to Live" alone.

OMG, Mallory, the bathrobe! Totally LOLing! I hate that damn commercial but now I'm gonna laugh every time I see it!

Wow. What a way to write Lucky out. What a way to treat a fantastic actor. Thank you stupid writers!

Now we will have to suffer through another "poor, wronged Elizabeth" routine! Gag me with a spoon ...

It's been about six months since I stopped watching GH. It's too much like watching the titanic go down in slow mo. The soap I knew as a girl and teen, has finally gone to complete shit on every single level. I had a glimmer of hope when Guza left, that we'd see something good again.

I am a Luke and Laura fan. I loved the Spencers. I miss Ruby and Bobbie. I loved the Webbers and I sure do miss Leslie.

It's confounding as to why the writers are hell bent on destroying what is left of GH, which IS the Webbers, Spencers, and Q's. Don't let me forget the Scorpio's. But it has driven away a good number of viewers and it will continue to do until the show gets cancelled. It's all part of the plan. They've wanted GH gone for a long time anyway.

The core of this soap which were the families I mentioned above are all but gone now, and this show is just a mere shadow of the golden years.

It's still the Carly, Sonny, and Jason show and it will be until the bloody end.

BUT since we all know that GH is heading for cancellation, here's a little dream that I have for it's ending...

Let us see Luke and Laura together again. With Lucky and Liz and the kids reunited. By next year on Christmas, let grandma Leslie and Aunt Bobbie be present. Make it reminescent of the Christmases I remember on GH.

Somehow, bring all the Q's together, or whatever is left of them... even if it has to be Alan in his ghost track suit, have him fade to black after reading night before Christmas.

Bring Anna and Robert Scorpio back and let us see Robin and Patrick a solid happy couple again. Anna can kick Lisa Niles off the highest cliff and let's all move on. Maybe Anna and Robert will remarry.

Have Holly come and get Ethan and take him away from PC.

Hell, have Scotty come back for a visit... and a hook up with Lucy.

The old days are just gone. No more nurses balls, no more fun. It's all death and depression.... no love in the afternoon, no adventures, it's just hollow.

I'll remember Gh and the years I grew up with these families and stories... but to me everything else is dead now. I'm ready to move on.

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