I Am The World's Easiest Person. I...Probably Could Have Phrased That Better
There is something wrong with me.
I spent the last half of yesterday's General Hospital, and much of today's, getting completely worked up and filled with venom--that's not what's wrong with me, especially because it was completely warranted. I mean, can we talk about how totally NOT Robin it is to even consider, for a second, running away? Or how irksome it is that the writers only remember Jason and Robin's relationship when it comes time to shoehorn Jason into a story he needn't be involved in? Or how the show is wasting Jonathan Jackson's last few scenes by forcing the poor guy to listen to Maggie talk about nothing? Because how am I supposed to respond to that, if not with irritation?!
No, what's wrong with me is what came next and what came next is a box of tissues and a seriously ugly cry that, at one point, turned into ugly howling. All this show needs to do is mention much loved stories of years past and I turn into a mess.
Jason: It was the night you were really upset because a girl with AIDS had died.
Jason: And you told me it was only a matter of time before it was you and you didn't want to go through that. So we stood on the side and we were holding hands. Do you remember what happened?
Robin: We didn't jump.
Jason: What if we had? What if we had? Think of all the things we would have missed. You never would have become a doctor. You never would have met Patrick. You never would have had your baby girl. It's too soon to jump.
I mean, how emotionally manipulative is that? VERY. And how big is the feeling I have that Jason will factor in this story as much as Patrick does? VERY. And yet I fell for it. Fell for it so hard and so tearily that I am sure I won't be able to watch Kimberly McCullough's last few episodes. Like, I physically won't be able to, because my eyes will be swollen shut, thanks to the copious amount of crying I will be doing in the weeks leading up to those episodes.
I am the living lamest.
Luckily, this show treated us to a pretty nice palate cleanser: after freaking out that Shawn didn't tell her immediately that Jason had been arrested, Carly flew, likely on her broomstick, to the PCPD to hysterically talk to Jason about herself. When she walked in and saw Robin there? The claws came out, hilariously!
CARLY: What are YOU doing here? Jason, this is social suicide. Shut the door before someone sees you with her! Why are you even here? Don't tell me that you came here to whine to Jason over the whole Lisa Niles thing, because nobody cares, okay? I have woe too, Robin. And my woe is way more woe than your woe.
CARLY: Look, Jason has MUCH more important things to deal with right now, okay?
ROBIN: Things like...Carly?
CARLY: YES, THINGS LIKE CARLY...things like things that Carly is worried about. Like, my daughter. She's in DANGER. And I'm PROTECTING her. LITERALLY.
ROBIN: You're visiting Jason and Josslyn's home with the block of wood you call Shawn.
CARLY: Franco's back, Robin. Franco. He's back. You didn't even know that, did you?
ROBIN: No, I knew that. And Garrett Floyd was giving him a hard time and Jason got upset and then he got arrested.
CARLY: Well, I knew that before you did. Because Jason likes me best!
JASON: STOP TALKING, BOTH OF YOU, I WISH I WAS DEAD.
CARLY: Do you see what you made Jason did? You made him yell. He NEVER yells.
ROBIN: He's in jail for yelling at and attacking someone!
CARLY: God, you would say that.
ROBIN: You need to call Patrick. Make an appointment. Don't blow it off.
JASON: You're the one who needs to talk to Patrick.
CARLY: Robin's mom's the one who needs to talk to Patrick.
Then she said--and she said this, I swear! This is not parody! It is HILARIOUSNESS and displays a staggering lack of self awareness, but it is not parody:
Carly: It just never ceases to amaze me. She still thinks you're her personal property!
Maybe I won't be physically able to watch Kimberly McCullough's last scenes because I will have been hospitalized weeks earlier, thanks to a head explosion.