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« Depression Hurts--And This Show Isn't Helping | Main | The Llanview Lladies are Bringin' the Heat »

December 27, 2011

In Which Robocop Gets a Backstory

As soon as she stomped into the PCPD and started droning about police protocol, Dolores Padilla captured the hearts of tens, all of whom were won over by her stereotypical feistiness and inability to make facial expressions that come close to approximating real, human faces. And not even they found themselves hoping that the show would shine some sort of light on Padilla's past, unless it would give us some details on her inventor.

Never one to give the audience what it wants, we learned a WHOLE lot about Padilla today. She has a TEMPER. And a MURDERED SISTER. And solves problems with SEX, which really seems like it could be dangerous for all involved. Sparks would fly, literally. Anyway, it was bizarre. I'm beginning to think that Padilla was engineered by a computer programmer who learned all he needs to know about human interaction from watching 90s sitcoms.

It all started when Dante found Dolores snooping in the evidence room (and got pretty suspicious about it. Please note that when his father, famed douchebag and noted mafia crimelord, interrupted the following conversation by walking into and then HANGING OUT IN the same evidence room, Dante didn't seem even the slightest bit baffled, because this show is the worst at facts)...

Dante: What are you doing?
Dolores: What do you think? Going through dead files for unclaimed watches so I can sell them on the internet [at this point, she actually did a sassy head roll. I was filled with shame for all involved, including myself for having the misfortune to witness that --Ed.]
Dante: All right, lose the attitude. You don't have access to this room.
Dolores: The door was open.
Dante: That, or you swiped the key card again. It wouldn't be the first time you did that.
Dolores, getting her Jack McCoy on. Maybe she watches TNT while she is being recharged? And needless to say, the emphasis she placed on the following words was all sorts of random: Are you seriously going to come down on me for going the extra mile? There are a bunch of cases sitting here waiting to be solved. Victims who haven't seen justice served. I am paid to make sure they see it. Not to hang around the squad room playing fantasy football with you dudes.
Dante: That is one hell of a chip on your shoulder, you know that? You've got to get rid of it or you're not going to make any friends around here.
Dolores, back with the sass: Really? And be the, what, the nice little Latina chick? I'm sure all of you macho guys will love that. Someone to make sure the coffee pot is full, the boring paperwork is done. Uh-uh, sorry. Not me.

Dante: You put in for transfers which goes against the ambition you say you have. Your chance to move up the ranks happens if you stay in one place. This looks bad. It looks like you cut and run.
Dolores: And this concerns you why?
Dante: You're my partner. My life might depend on who you are underneath, but I don't think I'm going to get a straight answer on that from you, so I have to go with what I think, and I think it has something to do with Rosa.
Dolores, with cold fury. And by "cold fury", I mean "monotone": You did not just pull that name out of a hat. You background checked me!

Dolores: Listen carefully. I'm only saying this once and then the subject is closed. My sister wasn't murdered. She was left to die in an alley like garbage to be tossed. Like food for rats. And she was left there to send a message.

(Is it just me or did anyone else imagine a pile of nuts and bolts thrown in an alley?)

Dolores: Okay, so what's it going to be, detective? You going to report me?
Dante: I already told you where I stand. It's up to you.
Dolores: Wow, I see what this is about. You know, for two seconds, I thought you were different, but men--[at this point, she starts to unbutton her shirt, like someone had accidentally installed a Cinemax flick on her hard drive]--you are all the same.
Dante: What are you talking about?
Dolores: I've got 30 seconds.

There is not enough "WHAT?!" in the world, but I am filled with (1) irritation that this show thinks we care even a little bit about this background character and (2) dread that she will eventually sex up Sonny. They both solve problems with sex and yelling, so it's a match made in...well, made in the minds of crazy people.


Fleur, I actually read the audition script for the character, and it said that she emphasizes her accent when she wants to sound tougher. Whether she's trying to hide it or make it stronger, she just needs to speak how she speaks. She just doesn't seem like a strong actress in general though. They should have brought back Priscilla Garita, she was wasted in that small role during the summer . . . it's not like the show paid attention to Lupe's exisistence after she was murdered anyway.

Fire and water have no mercy.

Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

The sting of a reproach,is the truth of it.

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