If I were to meet Frank Valentini or Ron Carlivati, I'd rattle off a General Hospital wish list with such speed and specificity that it would, frankly, terrify all involved and they'd back away nervously and then make fun of me later for operating under the assumption that I'm in the position to give them any sort of advice on writing and producing a soap opera since they have done both of those things and I...have built a part-time career mocking people who do those things, almost exclusively in run-on sentences.
So I will stick to offering them sage wisdom here, and I have two pieces after slogging through the interminably boring last few days of General Hospital.
PIECE OF ADVICE #1: Do whatever is necessary to bring Ingo Rademacher back permanently.
Because REALLY. Jax and Michael's emotional conversation was the undisputed highlight of this week, because JAX! And also because Chad Duell and Ingo Rademacher did such a lovely job with their really emotional scenes and because not once--not even for a second!--did I start to fondly reminisce about the time Michael was in a coma, near-death. How Jax was disappointed with Michael for even having a gun and was supportive and kind enough to NOT let loose an expletive-laden "How freaking stupid ARE YOU?" rant and how he's such a good father and--well, all of this.
Michael: So, what? Just because my mom lives here doesn't mean you have to take off. Look, there are -- there's a lot of people here that you care about.
Jax: Yeah. Yeah. You, Morgan, and Josslyn are on top of that list.
Michael: Now that everybody knows that you're alive, why can't you just stay?
Jax: I can't.
Michael: Please. Just stay.
Aww, right? I felt GENUINE sympathy for Michael, which almost never happens anymore these days.
PIECE OF ADVICE #2: Drop this (SPOILERY) plotline. Seriously, it is terrible.
Behind the jump a SPOILER! (a spoiler that you can probably guess if you think of the dumbest, most ill-timed "plot" "twist" these people can throw at you)
So...the big Zacchara family secret that Luke found out, the one that caused Sonny to practically dance into Johnny's apartment with glee? It's apparently that Claudia is Johnny's mother.
Which...REALLY? WHY? I mean, aside from the obvious "How can Sarah Brown have an adult son?!" questions, I have so many more. Who is Johnny's father, then? Because it is a whole lot of dark to go the incest route and while I don't doubt that someone on the GH staff would have such an idea, I think at least someone else would step in and point out that this is a little much for an afternoon soap, you know? And if Johnny's father ISN'T Anthony and ISN'T someone on canvas right now, is there a point to this? I mean, Claudia is thankfully dead and Trevor, another likely suspect, also died. So the point of this happening now besides sheer and obvious desperation...? Let's just hope that the new writing staff pretends that this never, ever happened. I'll be willing to play along with that charade.