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« Can't Let Go, No No No | Main | Get It, Katie! »

January 22, 2012

SPOILsport

If I were to meet Frank Valentini or Ron Carlivati, I'd rattle off a General Hospital wish list with such speed and specificity that it would, frankly, terrify all involved and they'd back away nervously and then make fun of me later for operating under the assumption that I'm in the position to give them any sort of advice on writing and producing a soap opera since they have done both of those things and I...have built a part-time career mocking people who do those things, almost exclusively in run-on sentences.

So I will stick to offering them sage wisdom here, and I have two pieces after slogging through the interminably boring last few days of General Hospital.

PIECE OF ADVICE #1: Do whatever is necessary to bring Ingo Rademacher back permanently.

Because REALLY. Jax and Michael's emotional conversation was the undisputed highlight of this week, because JAX! And also because Chad Duell and Ingo Rademacher did such a lovely job with their really emotional scenes and because not once--not even for a second!--did I start to fondly reminisce about the time Michael was in a coma, near-death. How Jax was disappointed with Michael for even having a gun and was supportive and kind enough to NOT let loose an expletive-laden "How freaking stupid ARE YOU?" rant and how he's such a good father and--well, all of this.

Michael: So, what? Just because my mom lives here doesn't mean you have to take off. Look, there are -- there's a lot of people here that you care about.
Jax: Yeah. Yeah. You, Morgan, and Josslyn are on top of that list.
Michael: Now that everybody knows that you're alive, why can't you just stay?
Jax: I can't.
Michael: Please. Just stay.

Aww, right? I felt GENUINE sympathy for Michael, which almost never happens anymore these days.

PIECE OF ADVICE #2: Drop this (SPOILERY) plotline. Seriously, it is terrible.

Behind the jump a SPOILER! (a spoiler that you can probably guess if you think of the dumbest, most ill-timed "plot" "twist" these people can throw at you)

So...the big Zacchara family secret that Luke found out, the one that caused Sonny to practically dance into Johnny's apartment with glee? It's apparently that Claudia is Johnny's mother.

Which...REALLY? WHY? I mean, aside from the obvious "How can Sarah Brown have an adult son?!" questions, I have so many more. Who is Johnny's father, then? Because it is a whole lot of dark to go the incest route and while I don't doubt that someone on the GH staff would have such an idea, I think at least someone else would step in and point out that this is a little much for an afternoon soap, you know? And if Johnny's father ISN'T Anthony and ISN'T someone on canvas right now, is there a point to this? I mean, Claudia is thankfully dead and Trevor, another likely suspect, also died. So the point of this happening now besides sheer and obvious desperation...? Let's just hope that the new writing staff pretends that this never, ever happened. I'll be willing to play along with that charade.

Comments

@mary @Katie

Rick Hearst!

That is all.

Claudia is Johnny's mother? Snort. Giggle. Chuckle. Snotty nose.

Ugh. GH blows. I would rather see OLTL which wasn't perfect being saved by ABC/Disney than the tripe known as GH. Good Luck Ron and Frank, you're going to need it!

Someone should perhaps inform the master thespian Mo Benard that laughter is not the appropriate reaction upon hearing about the rape of a young child.

Atrocious. Simply atrocious.

The Claudia thing is just...there are no words for how stupid it is. I actually still really miss Claudia, though. I loved how she hated EVERYONE except Johnny and how she would spend every scene just spitting nails at people. It was fantastic! (If you can't have Sarah Brown as Carly, Claudia was a nice consolation.)

My GH wishlist is also at the ready and is extremely long but my number one wish is for a Quartermaine resurrection. A.J., Alan, and Emily need to be alive (I don't care how--they could just show up one day--they were in the attic, they were in Aruba, anything--just bring them back).


Claudia and Johnny were way, way too close when she was alive. It was weird when they were siblings, it's flat out creepy now that they're mother and son.

And I, too, would do anything to get Ric Lansing back. I'd do anything twice to get him with Elizabeth.

I love this blog, more than the show itself! I've stopped watching, but keeping up with it here.

I nearly fell out of my chair when I read that Claudia is Johnny's mother! Wow.. lol

I agree that they were already creepy to begin with as brother and sister. But now it seems even creepier!

As much as I hate GH right now, if they were to resurrect Sarah Brown's Claudia, I just might visit PC again, for a while. She was annoying, but amusing. Id' like to see her come back and make everyone's life hell. I don't think crazy Lisa even compares to Claudia's crazy.

Looks like some of you folks are still laboring under the assumption that Claudia's dead. She got hit with an ax handle, buried in a tarp under some leaves, then her body disappeared. The woman in Franco's studio who croaked, "Can I get up now?" - Claudia with a cold from laying out in the rain. She'll be back.

Gino Solito is Johnny's father. that makes Tracy his stepmother.

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