In Which Rewriting History Makes Me Squeal, Not Squawk
Noted medical professional Lisa Lisa once warned the masses, with the aid of some catchy beats, of the phenomenon known as being "all cried out" and while I coudn't find this diagnosis during my latest visit to WebMD.com, I know in my heart that it is real and that my condition was caused by the last few days of General Hospital, which has continued to devastate me to the point where I am seriously (I am being melodramatic, not really serious) (maybe I am being a little bit serious) concerned about dehydration. People are going to start questioning the dark circles under my red, puffy eyes and will probably start to recommend all sorts of multivitamins, which is probably better than the backing away slowly they will do once I explain to them that this is all General Hospital related and everything related to Robin Scorpio, from flashbacks to angelic (?) visits makes me weep an ugly weep.
So in the interest of my own health, I am going to focus on the most silvery of silver linings that today brought us, instead of talking about Maxie learning the truth about Robin, because that--and Jen Lilly's fantasticness. She's uber-talented, isn't she? I still have goosebumps--made me cry, and instead of talking about the fate of little Hope, who I don't even "know", really, but am depressed about all the same because the youth mortality rates in Port Charles are staggering. Because amidst the tears, there WAS a cackle and a grateful thanks to Ron Carlivati for righting one of Bob Guza's most ridiculous wrongs.
Holly: Ethan isn't a Spencer, he's a Scorpio.
Helena: Well, he doesn't use Luke's name, but he carries his DNA.
Holly: No, he doesn't.
Luke: What are we doing here, Holly?
Holly: I'm finally coming clean. I should have talked to you about this a long time ago. Both of you. I'm sorry.
Helena: Well, this is a transparent attempt to save your son's life.
Holly: It's the truth. Luke isn't Ethan's father, Robert Scorpio is. This isn't the way I wanted it to come out.
Ethan: No! We had DNA tests. We had several of them.
Holly: They were doctored.
Ethan: That can't be.
Luke: Well, you swore to me. But then you've always been a spectacular liar.
This exchange contained all sorts of nuggets of amazing, each more delightful than the last. First and foremost, it handily retconned one of the worst retcons in recent memory in all of three minutes. "Oh, that? Yeah, no, it never happened. Moving on." I can only hope that Holly's explanation is as lackluster as this big reveal. "Why'd I lie? Eh. Because of reasons, and the thing...at the place."
Then there was Ethan's "BUT WHAT OF THE DNA TESTS?!?!" rationalizing. I know that he doesn't KNOW that he's on a soap opera, but surely he knows enough people in Port Charles by now to know that DNA tests are almost exclusively wrong in this town.
THEN there was the HILARIOUS facial expressions he and Luke get making every time Holly dropped a bombshell.
But the loudest cackle? The came from reading this interview again...specifically, this passage:
On What Luke has learned from Ethan: "To love life again", states Geary. "Luke has been looking at life as if it were over, the best years gone. He's not kicking it with the relish that he used to. Ethan is reacquainting him with the reasons he loves life. They're so amazingly connected."
They might actually need to invent a new word for "hilarious" just to describe that answer.