The Crass and the Charming
You know, I have to give it to Brad Bell. When he sets out to crack us up, he does so effectively. At least I'm assuming that's what today's episode of The Bold & the Beautiful was intended to do, because I can't think of another motivation for what we got on our screens.
Actually, wait. I did think of one other possibility. It's certainly feasible that he thinks women are self-hating idiots and he's written this entire television show just to test out that bogus "all women claim they wanted to be treated well but they really only like assholes" theory constantly spouted by douchey men everywhere, and has therefore set out to make sure women are still drooling over one of his "hunky" lead male characters even in the face of his total, utter heinousness and misogyny.
But that possibility is depressing and infuriating, so I'm going with Option A, the one where Bill Spencer is such a colossal ass because it's really effing funny. Because it is. Really. Effing. Funny.
Some of Bill's stand-out points today:
- "You know science has proven that men think about sex around 35 times an hour."
- Got wine-drunk and fantasized that Brooke was lasciviously opening her shirt for him while in fact she was cleaning some spilled wine with her napkin:
(Katherine Kelly Lang and Don Diamont were an absolute riot in this absurd scene, I might add.)
- Delivering the following pearls of wisdom to his idiot son: "The most important thing in a man's life, and listen carefully, is never to sleep alone. Women are forever telling us that we only want them for one thing -- and it is every man's duty to never let them know that they're right. It's the great leveler, the thing that makes cavemen of kings, and in the best case scenario, kings of cavemen. It is the one thing, the one thing, that puts us in touch with our primal instincts....And a day without it? Is a day that ain't worth living." (Damn! Katie must be exhausted. She also must be on one of those fancy birth control things that make you have your period once a year or whatever.)
- Attempting to persuade Liam to go ahead and get laid during his engagement to Hope by demanding that Steffy, his wife, come over and "be a wife to him."
- Forcing his annoying assy opinions onto his son who told him where to shove it a while back, apparently in a manner that changes nothing.
Oh, Bill. This whole thing cracked me up. I just really hope that was the intention. Really. Because it was hilarious.
And in conclusion, I beg them again: NEW STORYLINE PLEASE.