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« These People Are Just...Terrible At Their Jobs | Main | The Attack of the Overactors »

February 06, 2012

Trauma Recovery 101

TRAUMA RECOVERY 101

Course Syllabus

Instructor: St. Jason Morgan
Date/Time: Weekdays, 3pm-4pm EST
Credits: ALL OF THE CREDITS. ALL OF THEM. FOR CRAP'S SAKE, DIDN'T YOU SEE WHO THE INSTRUCTOR IS?!

Summary: In this course, we will discuss how to help a loved one through a trauma. This semester's course will focus on the aftermath of one's wife getting maybe-raped by a psychopath/conceptual artist, since it's something most people have experience with and there are some easy tools to help one handle wifey's "emotions" (for an understanding of the term, please refer to the recommended prerequisite course EMOTIONS 101, taught by Professor Sonny Corinthos). We'll cover how simple the recovery process is when the wife learns she is pregnant and gets a quickie paternity test. We'll cover a few things, like how you should really have a chat with the OB-GYN first to make sure she delivers the paternity news in the proper order. Wifey is fragile when having "emotions," so the OB-GYN should not launch right into the good news that the baby doesn't share DNA with the maybe-rapist-psychopath/conceptual artist. It's better for the OB-GYN to get a few other things out of the way first, so wifey can have a chance to settle in to her "emotions." Have the doctor talk about the chromosomal disorders that have been ruled out: no cystic fibrosis, Down Syndrome, MS, or hemophilia. As the doctor drones on about the baby's development and wifey is nervously asking about the paternity, make sure to almost pop a blood vessel and make it clear that you might literally explode if the result is bad news. Wifey will feel more supported if she knows you are more upset about this than she is. Do make sure that when the doctor does finally get around to confirming you as the biological father, she does a dramatic pause before doing so. With all this in place, you can guarantee that wifey's and your love song might start underscoring your joyous moment. At this moment, wifey should obviously have recovered from her mayberape trauma, but just in case she hasn't realized that she should be totally over possibly being raped and most certainly being violated in some manner by a man who was just trying to mess with you, explain it to her simply: "You do not have to think about that night... ever again." Presto-change-o! She's over the rape! Once you have completed this course, you might want to head over to the Women's Studies department or possibly the Take Back the Night rally that those hysterical girls keep putting on every year in the quad and make sure they understand that rape trauma is only a legitimate and lasting trauma if the rape results in a child. If the rape victim (or mayberape victim, as the case may be, depending on how bleak-minded your writers are when trying to come up with an exciting mystery) immediately becomes pregnant and you are the father, it's all over! She'll never think about the rape! EVER AGAIN! In fact, why am I even teaching this course? This is a one-afternoon lecture! For which you should get ALL OF THE COURSE CREDITS IN THE WORLD.

Final Paper: Please write a ten-page, double-spaced paper describing all the ways in which ambiguity make a rape story really super-duper fun for an audience to watch, and how rape victims who are actually traumatized even if they're not pregnant by their rapist/mayberapist/mayberapist-psychopath-conceptual-artist are such silly whiners! Please support your argument using writings about "emotions" from Professor Corinthos so that I can help understand what they are, since he is an expert at "feelings" and can help silly dramatic women through anything they overreact to, such as rape, maybe-rape, wedding shootings, childhood sexual trauma, and having glassware hurled in their general direction.

Extra Credit: 

Samjasonkiss

Design your own project to prove that, as soon as this paternity issue is all cleared up, everything will be fine! Not only will wifey be totally over her trauma and literally never think of it again, your sex life will totally go back to normal because that's what happens after rape/mayberape/mayberape by a psychopath/conceptual artist. +10 points on your final grade.

Divider

Sigh. I hate to be so drippingly sarcastic in my very first solo GH post here at Serial Drama, and it's totally unfair of me because they actually have had Jason being quite the supportive husband through all this, but that line killed me. Killed me. "You do not have to think about that night ever again." Ever again! Gah! What we, the audience, wouldn't give to never think about any night involving Franco ever again. But the show introduced a rape (or a mayberape, as it's so wont to do), and I will absolutely lose my freaking mind if this paternity result just wipes it clean for this character forever. How absurd I was, hoping that they'd actually deal with this issue with a modicum of sensitivity. If they really want it to go away forever, can't they just... I don't know, have her get hypnotized and remember nothing really happened? Or something? Wait! Ron Carlivati's writing the show now, so they can just have Jason and Sam watch the events on a magical time-traveling television and learn that Franco was just joking!

If they can't erase that it happened, they better damn well deal with it. (I know, I've asked far too much.)

As for the rest of the show? Well, this woman...

Cassassin

...is, as it turns out, a trained assassin in the employ of one Helena Cassadine. A trained assassin. This woman. No, for serious.

That about sums it up, unless we really want to delve into the details of the way a man's abs can trigger an acute sense memory which... we really don't, do we?

Comments

You have to admit, though, that Jason has not had to obtain services elswhere while he waited patiently for wifey to get over the rape/mayberape thingy. I think that's a step up, you know?

Also, if Jason and Sonny are professors, can't Carly be professor emeritus of Plaaaaaaaaaaaans? Yes, yes it is an engineering course. Social engineering, but still.

And if that woman is a trained assassin in the employ of the evilest evil that has ever evilled in Port Chuckles, then Lulu is an alcoholic and Luke is not. Oh, wait...

Sadly, Jake was killed so JaSam could have a baby unencumbered with the idea that Jason fathered another child who lived in Port Charles.

Good job Louise. I am so sorry that after witnessing many wonderful hours of OLTL you are subjected to GH. If I were you, I'd wait until RC's stories begin. JMO.

Damn, Louise, way to hit the ground running with your very first GH post. I approve. Well, done.

First, LeatherJacket, I don't know you but I love you. Second... she's what in the employ of who in the where now? A trained assassin? Like for really?

I'm following the crew to GH! And with the help of Louise and everybody else, we'll survive. Ron C., give it up, and do it ASAP.

Not only does it look like an escapee from Growing Pains is Helena's assassin, it also looks like Kate has a split personality. Which would leave her with one more than she has now.

How would you like to be the maid who has to clean that Chicago hotel room? She'll never get Sonny's hair oil off the pillow, and the sheets are probably ruined with his spray tain rubbing off.

Why would anybody with two working brain cells trust a paternity test in Port Charles?

@Ron: "Which would leave her with one more than she has now."

I had to pick myself up off the floor after reading that. Well played, Ron. Well played.

I'm sorry I just had to gripe about this part: "and it's totally unfair of me because they actually have had Jason being quite the supportive husband through all this"

As ragey as that EVER AGAIN made, you is how ragey I was at Jason and supportive in the same sentence during this nonsense. What about all his rage attacks for which he just refused to seek medical attention because "he hates hospitals". I'm sure a rape (maybe rape?) victim loves notihng more than dealing with a constantly angry, possibly violent spouse.

The fact that this poor woman also had to hint, than just flat out beg for him to come home. RAGE.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgHXjrZozrQ

Ugh. The only time that I ever really liked Sam is when she was going after Liz/Jason/Jake and Cam. Blech.

The maybe rape s/l was a joke from top to bottom. Seriously. Why would any grown azz woman not go out to get the morning after pill? No, Sam was in full revenge mode after finding out that she was drugged and had sex with Franco!

I still get a chill watching Marty's gang rape s/l over on OLTL and seeing Liz crawl out of those bushes in 1998. As for Sam's maybe rape? Crickets.

Let's here it for all of the rape victims like Sam, who never have to worry about "that" again!

@Gwen hayes "Why would anybody with two working brain cells trust a paternity test in Port Charles?" Because it's not Llanview. Seriously, especially towards the end I think OLTL created a record for botched DNA tests.

But I did wonder the same thing. I choose to believe that Ron coming on means the end of all things Franco and therefore the paternity is right. Afterall, paternity tests have 50/50 odds in being right.

This show...I can't. I keep coming back to this blog hoping you guys would write something positive about GH but it has yet to happen. I'm sorry you have to subject yourself to this awful show, you have a lot more patience than I do. Alas, thanks for the on spot post. They are one of the worst couples ever. :-|

"Which would leave her with one more than she has now."
////
I'm with Gwen, it's Ron for the win!

This is an awful show and IMHO, stick a fork in Jason Morgan, he's done as a viable leading man. He's no longer a rootworthy character. Jason Morgan, the hitman, kills for a living. He killed Faith for kidnapping Sonny's kids; he killed Ian Devlin for shooting Michael; he hunted Claudia mercilessly; he killed Lorenzo Alcazar for Sonny; he killed Manny; he killed Carter for raping Michael; and lastly, he killed Franco for the maybe rape of his wife. This woman is the same person that terrorized his first born on several occasions. He married the woman that terrorized his newborn. And last, but most certainly not least, he let Luke Spencer, the drunk, walk away scott free after killing his first born son. Seems the only people that get a free pass from our brain damaged hit man is the people that terrorized and finally killed his son, poor little Jake. This included Maureen who actually did the kidnapping (he paid Diane to defend her) and the actual gunmen who Sam hired (he just roughed them up and let them go). So this instructor is podJason, the real Jason Morgan is buried deep.

oh THANK YOU, Serial Drama, for this post. Well done, Louise.

There I was, watching almost an entirety of a GH episode and while not loving it by any means, I was not hating it either and then Jason said that line to Sam.

Seriously, with this? Whether or not the woman was ever actually physically raped by Franco, by this point she has been emotionally and mentally raped by his actions. But no! Jason's magical-woe-healing sperm met with Sam's magically reinstated ovum and all is right in her world again.

This effing show.

That said, I will, for now, give the show the benefit of the doubt when it comes to the magical memory restoration powers of abs. They are some pretty nice abs.

Also, Ron does, indeed, win for the "one more personality than she had before" line. Brilliance.

@ eyegirl - I would like to propose to your beautiful post. Please accept my humble cyber-marriage. This post is most fulfilling and should be exulted.

@eyegirl...I love your post.

I hate this storyline. For so many reasons, majority of what eyegirl posted. But the one thing that is driving me up the friggin wall is Jason and Sam acting like that are so brand new to the concept of pregnancy and paternity tests. I nearly hit the floor when both of them were looking at Kelly while Sam asked how accurate this paternity test was. It was so WTF to me considering that Jason went through this with Elizabeth and Carly AND was involved when Sam went through this with Sonny and Jax. Then we have Sam all hopping around talking about steralizing bottles and learning how to swaddle and in awe of everything pregnancy related like she's never been pregnant before even though we had to endure for 7 years her constantly talking about that DDB (damn dead baby).

But all of a sudden they are trying to sale these two people like this is their first time ever going through anything related to pregnancy (Sam) or paternity test (Sam and Jason).

And my pet peeve was the damn mention of the motorcycle. GH is walking a thin line with me when it come to Jason mentioning a motorcycle in reference to this kid because that was Jake's thing. He loved motorcycles and the only thing that Jason mentioning the motorcycle in relations to this kid is that Jake was killed in order for Jason and Sam to have this baby. And really, I don't need people to try to feed me the line about Jake dying had nothing to do with opening the door for Jason and Sam to be able to have a baby. Because I'm going to call Bullsh*t on you unless you can tell me what other character on GH benefited from Jake's death except Sam being able to have a child with Jason because GH can now try to sugarcoat it that danger is everywhere and not just in Jason's life so its alright for him to have a kid with Sam without pushing her away because of this danger that by the way is no longer mentioned ad nauseum by Jason. Elizabeth didn't benefit. Lucky, didn't benefit. Steven didn't benefit. And Luke's character became unrecognizable to the fact that some people that loved the Luke's character now hates him.

So right now I would appreciate GH a tiny bit more, not much because all these storyline sucks, if they wouldn't bring up motorcycles.

sorry...meant eygirl

Hey y'all! Thanks for coming to visit on my first solo GH post.

And I just wanted to clarify that when I say Jason has been a supportive husband through all this, I definitely meant "all this" as "the pregnancy." Prior to that he was in bloodthirsty ragey revenge mode, leaving his new traumatized rape victim wife home alone to deal with what happened to her. I was certainly not a fan of that!

Louise, this was a hilarious first GH post, and as usual the comments are just as funny and perceptive. I frequently laugh out loud sometimes to the point of tears when I read the posts and comments. This is my favorite GH site.

@eyegirl & kermitklein I agree with everything you gus wrote! What makes it so bad is I could probably tolerate JaSam and their invisible bun in the oven (seriously she should be about 5 months now with means she should be showing) if they hadn't killed off Jake to make room for their perfect family. So instead I really don't care just implant the kid with a gps chip (for future kidnappings) and buy it a infant sized bulletproof vest and let's move on already!!!!

So Cassandra is an assassin. A deadly assassin. I'm guessing that Helena just does things for the lulz these days, although I have to admit that she was the best part of the episode.

I'm still waiting for an explanation as to why Ethan was sleeping with an amnesic mental patient who resembled his sister. Who he's fallen in love with. Who he thinks might belong in a mental institution. I can imagine Kristina (the brilliant and nominated Lexi Ainsworth) returning and laughing her butt off at that what's happened to Ethan!

Brava, brava Louise! Fantastic post!!!

OF COURSE this (maybe?) trauma would be cured with Jason's magic sperm! Was there ever any doubt? Now everything is perfect and awesome and I am sickened and embarrassed by this crap.

I'm not fond of Sam at all, but I feel the need to say something about Jason's support on her behalf. He hasn't really been supportive. It's been all about his guilt and his anger and Sam being strong for him and his never-ending brain issues. But it's all good b/c the baby is theirs and that wipes the slate totally clean and she will never again in life think about that night--ever--b/c Jason ordained it to be so. It's disturbing to see some squeeing yesterday while the tidbit of rape/maybe rape was overlooked, but I'm glad you went there. How could you not? I felt as if I were on a parallel universe in which this issue was like a blaring neon sign and I felt that I was alone in seeing it.

Between this, Cassandra...existing (OMG CT/Helena carried ALL those scenes), and Kate apparently being a few fries short of a happy meal (with her new issues and Sonny's, Lord help us all), I'd much rather have that convo about the memory-triggering effects of Ewen's abs. They trigger a lot of things for me...all of them good.

Great post, Louise!

I remember wondering if Original Recipe Kate was a drug addict, because that would explain her abrupt shifts in personality.

@realbrenda4ever - Kate apparently being a few fries short of a happy meal. Gold.

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