Trauma Recovery 101
TRAUMA RECOVERY 101
Instructor: St. Jason Morgan
Date/Time: Weekdays, 3pm-4pm EST
Credits: ALL OF THE CREDITS. ALL OF THEM. FOR CRAP'S SAKE, DIDN'T YOU SEE WHO THE INSTRUCTOR IS?!
Summary: In this course, we will discuss how to help a loved one through a trauma. This semester's course will focus on the aftermath of one's wife getting maybe-raped by a psychopath/conceptual artist, since it's something most people have experience with and there are some easy tools to help one handle wifey's "emotions" (for an understanding of the term, please refer to the recommended prerequisite course EMOTIONS 101, taught by Professor Sonny Corinthos). We'll cover how simple the recovery process is when the wife learns she is pregnant and gets a quickie paternity test. We'll cover a few things, like how you should really have a chat with the OB-GYN first to make sure she delivers the paternity news in the proper order. Wifey is fragile when having "emotions," so the OB-GYN should not launch right into the good news that the baby doesn't share DNA with the maybe-rapist-psychopath/conceptual artist. It's better for the OB-GYN to get a few other things out of the way first, so wifey can have a chance to settle in to her "emotions." Have the doctor talk about the chromosomal disorders that have been ruled out: no cystic fibrosis, Down Syndrome, MS, or hemophilia. As the doctor drones on about the baby's development and wifey is nervously asking about the paternity, make sure to almost pop a blood vessel and make it clear that you might literally explode if the result is bad news. Wifey will feel more supported if she knows you are more upset about this than she is. Do make sure that when the doctor does finally get around to confirming you as the biological father, she does a dramatic pause before doing so. With all this in place, you can guarantee that wifey's and your love song might start underscoring your joyous moment. At this moment, wifey should obviously have recovered from her mayberape trauma, but just in case she hasn't realized that she should be totally over possibly being raped and most certainly being violated in some manner by a man who was just trying to mess with you, explain it to her simply: "You do not have to think about that night... ever again." Presto-change-o! She's over the rape! Once you have completed this course, you might want to head over to the Women's Studies department or possibly the Take Back the Night rally that those hysterical girls keep putting on every year in the quad and make sure they understand that rape trauma is only a legitimate and lasting trauma if the rape results in a child. If the rape victim (or mayberape victim, as the case may be, depending on how bleak-minded your writers are when trying to come up with an exciting mystery) immediately becomes pregnant and you are the father, it's all over! She'll never think about the rape! EVER AGAIN! In fact, why am I even teaching this course? This is a one-afternoon lecture! For which you should get ALL OF THE COURSE CREDITS IN THE WORLD.
Final Paper: Please write a ten-page, double-spaced paper describing all the ways in which ambiguity make a rape story really super-duper fun for an audience to watch, and how rape victims who are actually traumatized even if they're not pregnant by their rapist/mayberapist/mayberapist-psychopath-conceptual-artist are such silly whiners! Please support your argument using writings about "emotions" from Professor Corinthos so that I can help understand what they are, since he is an expert at "feelings" and can help silly dramatic women through anything they overreact to, such as rape, maybe-rape, wedding shootings, childhood sexual trauma, and having glassware hurled in their general direction.
Design your own project to prove that, as soon as this paternity issue is all cleared up, everything will be fine! Not only will wifey be totally over her trauma and literally never think of it again, your sex life will totally go back to normal because that's what happens after rape/mayberape/mayberape by a psychopath/conceptual artist. +10 points on your final grade.
Sigh. I hate to be so drippingly sarcastic in my very first solo GH post here at Serial Drama, and it's totally unfair of me because they actually have had Jason being quite the supportive husband through all this, but that line killed me. Killed me. "You do not have to think about that night ever again." Ever again! Gah! What we, the audience, wouldn't give to never think about any night involving Franco ever again. But the show introduced a rape (or a mayberape, as it's so wont to do), and I will absolutely lose my freaking mind if this paternity result just wipes it clean for this character forever. How absurd I was, hoping that they'd actually deal with this issue with a modicum of sensitivity. If they really want it to go away forever, can't they just... I don't know, have her get hypnotized and remember nothing really happened? Or something? Wait! Ron Carlivati's writing the show now, so they can just have Jason and Sam watch the events on a magical time-traveling television and learn that Franco was just joking!
If they can't erase that it happened, they better damn well deal with it. (I know, I've asked far too much.)
As for the rest of the show? Well, this woman...
...is, as it turns out, a trained assassin in the employ of one Helena Cassadine. A trained assassin. This woman. No, for serious.
That about sums it up, unless we really want to delve into the details of the way a man's abs can trigger an acute sense memory which... we really don't, do we?