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« A Totally and Surprisingly Non-Horrible Valentine's Day | Main | Hatred. All Caps, Italicized Hatred. »

February 16, 2012

What is WRONG with Dante?! (and Other Pressing Questions)

That seemed to be the question of the day. Hilariously. I can't help but watch these episode in light of the recent full court press by the General Hospital cast and staff (and the soap press in general) to get people to tune in to the show to keep it on the air. What if someone's just peeking in for the first time? What must this look like to them?

Based on today's episode, they must have an awful lot of questions. For instance:

- This Sonny guy has dimples and is all dark and handsome and he's really nice to that Kate lady! Why is she so nervous about making him happy? He's such a swell guy, what could he ever have done that would have made her nervous or sad? This sure is a couple to root for!

- Why does this Jason fellow end every scene with the same facial expression?





- Isn't it sweet that they feature this Spinelli person, clearly a very brain-damaged boy, in the regular cast of characters? How charming that he responded to news of Sam's pregnancy as a three-year-old boy would!

- Didn't I hear a rumor that this Sam woman recently went through a terrible trauma? Guess not, since the show's not addressing it!

- Why are there two women who seem like they're cousins having an argument about the dark-haired cousin's dress length being too short when... it's the exact same length as the fair-haired cousin's dress? And why are they referring to the fair-haired cousin in the third-person, as "Connie?" 

- That's so sweet that the Sonny character is giving a bunch of money to the hospital to save people! Why are Johnny and some of the other characters acting like it's not super-sweet? Clearly all this chatter about his being up to something less-than-legal is just speculation because, after all, why would all of these upstanding citizens show up to a blood-money party?

- Why is anyone allowed to just burst in to a medical lab and gossip at that tiny brunette doctor?

- And surely the biggest question from someone just tuning in: what is wrong with this Dante jerk? His dad is trying to do a super-nice thing in his name and he's throwing a temper tantrum! Look how shocked -- shocked! -- people are by his rude behavior!

His daddy is shocked!

The nice cuddly man who helps out his daddy is shocked!

His mommy is shocked!


His mommy's cousin is shocked!

I mean really, what a jerk! This is for a hospital wing! Why did he fly off the handle? All he overheard was his daddy talking to a co-worker about finding out what kind of product somebody was shipping in. So they're stevedores, right? What's this Dante fella have against longshoremen? That seems classist. And then he seemed upset that he'd been shot by one of his daddy's enemies. Get over it, Dante! I mean, right? Someone shot him, sure, but it's not like his daddy ever shot him! I mean, right? Right?!

Well, at least I imagine those are the pressing questions nagging at a brand new viewer. Don't you almost envy them? Because as a long-time viewer, I really only had one question:



Pretty clear to me that the most enjoyable scenes of the week were the ones with Anna and Emma because they seemed to be the only ones on the damn show with a combination of beauty, charm, and common sense. Robin -- for fucks sake you're a brilliant doctor. Lock the damn lab door if you don't want to be bothered. Patrick -- you're a frigging brain surgeon. Stick a shunt in Jason's head. Olivia -- for the millionth time we get it that you think SONNY WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HIS KIDS. I'm beginning to think he effed your brains out back in Bensonhurst or you would've stopped excusing his boorish behavior along with putting a shiv in Steve's ex by now. Congratulations Carly...you get one of the hottest men in PC to start macking on you and all you can manage to do is give him blue balls. Maxie -- would you please just Shut. The. F*ck. Up. If Georgie were alive, she would have slapped some sense into you by now. Jason is brain damaged. At least he has an excuse for looking terminally constipated. Delores -- a teenager sneaks a sixer right by you at Kellys? Some detective. Shawn is an ex Marine and security expert -- yet your ward is throwing a drunken house party without your knowledge? Ethan -- you're a grifter who is the son of a con man and a thief. You seriously cannot tell you're being played by this insipid blonde? And where the hell was Helena this week? Shouldn't she be putting a shiv in someone's back to liven things up? Help us Ron Carlavati! Save us from stupidity and boredom!

I like this site displayed, it gave me some kind of commitment, success for some reason, so keep the good work.

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