Oh, No, He Did NOT
I cannot BELIEVE that I am actually going to type the following words, because they combine to form a sentence that will knock you out with its offensiveness and ridiculousness and sheer why?!edness--literally, it will knock you out, mostly because it will lead you forcefully smash your head against the nearest hard surface. Either way, unconsciousness is in your future. And hopefully it will bring with it a nice case of light memory loss, causing you to repress this bit of knowledge because of the aforementioned offensiveness and ridiculousness and sheer why?!edness.
Robert Scorpio is ditching his daughter's funeral to chase after Ethan Lovett, who he now believes to be his son.
I mean, WHAT, and WHY, and EXPLETIVE AFTER EXPELTIVE AFTER EXPLETIVE.
First of all, Robert would NEVER. He would just NEVER.
Secondly, Ethan is the worst. When Robert was excitedly (SERIOUSLY, HE WAS EXCITED AND CHIPPER) telling Anna and Mac about the slight change to his mourning schedule, the sane participants in the conversation kept sneering and I knew that while most of it was out of disgust for Robert going completely loco, at least thirty percent of it was disdain for Ethan and his status as a complete failure of a human being. To have Robert skip out on his child's funeral to chase after this marble-mouthed, greasy-haired loser who can't make it through an unintelligible sentence without smiling or guffawing inappropriately, is just...it's not even kicking viewers when we are down. It is forcibly holding us down and then running us over with heavy machinery.
Anna: You cannot leave until after Robin's funeral. You can't. Mac?
Robert: Mac's going to be here. Besides, he was always more of a father to Robin than I was.
Mac: Come on, Robin loved you, Robert.
Robert: I know that, but it wasn't enough. You were there when Stone died, when she was discovered to be HIV positive. You took her into a new life. She became a doctor, she got married, she had a child...
Anna: I know. We can never repay Mac for everything he did. We really can't.
Mac: I wanted to do it. All right? I loved Robin. You know that.
Anna: I know, I just think it's very important that we're all here to mourn her together. Could you not please just wait until after the funeral to go chasing off after your brand new son?
Robert: The odds are--they ran out for Robin. The same thing might happen to Ethan. If I could save him, perhaps in some small way...it could make up for failing my daughter.
Anna: Okay, what about failing me? I need you next to me for our child's funeral.
Robert: Mac will be here.
I hissed. I literally hissed with hatred.
But ohmigod, it gets worse. It gets EVEN WORSE. This is the last thing Robert said before he left Anna and Mac. And he said it CHIPPERLY.
Robert: Hey, you look after yourself, bro.
Couldn't you just vomit from the hatred you feel right now?
This sorry excuse for writing for a legacy character turned my stomach to the point that I was barely even able to get joy out of Carly's complete self-absorption and pathological immaturity.
Todd, who just confessed that his daughter is in the hospital and his young granddaughter is dead: Didn't you say there's someone in the hospital that you're not allowed to see?
Carly: Yeah, my best friend. I've been banned from his room out of just...meanness. Jealousy. Petty power play.
Under normal circumstances, that would have delighted me with its insanity and I would have imagined a crazy conversation between these two, with Carly completely devolving into a seventh grade girl the more she talked. But I couldn't even really enjoy it, because I heard the phrase "best friend" and then panicked. "OH MY GOD, what if Robert one day calls Ethan his best friend? I WILL KILL MYSELF!"