Port Charles, Town of Messy
I just need to get a few messages to the characters in that messy, messy town.
Dear Kate/Connie: There is NEVER ANY NEED FOR YOU TO PUT ON MORE MAKEUP. Never. Ever. You're covered. You don't need a touch-up. Ever. Ever.
Also, take it down a notch.
(Also, take a day off anytime now please.)
Dear Sonny: You really think that the way Kate's behaving means you're dealing with Kate? This makes sense to you, considering this is a person you allegedly know so well and you grew up together and you're just so bonded and close? I mean granted, nothing about this Kate has anything to do with the last woman-named-Kate-from-your-childhood that you dated (despite our being told otherwise), but it's not that confusing.
Also, how awesome was this?
Sonny (to Michael): Todd Manning is the worst enemy there is. He's got more money than God, he's got no code whatsoever, and he thinks he's entitled to do whatever he wants to do.
Hahahaha! Your utter lack of self-awareness never fails to crack me up (especially when it's clearly intentional).
Dear Maxie: Is D.I.D. contagious, or in the town's water supply? Because stop giving your Uncle/Father Figure Mac seductively evil looks to try to will him into arresting you. Because eww.
Also, take it down a notch.
Dear Mac: You might not want to arrest Maxie because you think she's not a murderer, but let's not pretend you actually arrest murderers.
Dear Coleman: You're alive! You still exist!
Also, you might want to check in on your ex-girlfriend. She's acting a little weird and might need some help. On the flip side, you might be into her new kind of weird. She certainly won't think she's too good for you now, but you will get covered in hot pink lipstick.
Dear Jason: Oh shut up. Your freakin' pregnant wife was told some news could kill you, so she kept mum about it a few hours later than the hospital staff suggested. Sorry you feel "managed," especially considering you manage everyone you ever come into contact with since you are the wise sage of Port Charles.
Also, you can't really blame her for not thinking you'd put a high priority on your attendance at the funeral. Consider your track record, Oh Saintly Hitman of the Funeral Avoidance. (Funerals are hard for him, y'all! He's special! 'Cause for the rest of the world, they're totally cake.)
Dear Elizabeth: So thanks for being a voice of reason!
Dear Luke: Oh, can it with your clever nonconformist advice. You killed your grandson and then gave another one a ride to the hospital. You've done crap to rebuild your relationship with your family.
And don't even think about sexytimes with the hot grieving mother.
Dear Noah: OMIGOD Y'ALL IT'S RICK SPRINGFIELD!
I mean, yay! Dr. Noah Drake is back for a visit!
Which brings us to...
Patrick and Anna. Forget it. I can't give them any messages because I can't even deal with how much I love the both of them right now. They are just tearing me right up. All torn up, that's me. They're just both so broken right now that it's hard to watch, and it's not helped in the least by Jason Thompson and Finola Hughes being crushingly awesome at their jobs, like every second.