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« With a Whimper and a Wail... | Main | The New Girl (Who's That Girl? It's Starr!) »

March 20, 2012

Port Charles, Town of Messy

I just need to get a few messages to the characters in that messy, messy town.

Dear Kate/Connie: There is NEVER ANY NEED FOR YOU TO PUT ON MORE MAKEUP. Never. Ever. You're covered. You don't need a touch-up. Ever. Ever.

Kannie

Also, take it down a notch.

(Also, take a day off anytime now please.)

Dear Sonny: You really think that the way Kate's behaving means you're dealing with Kate? This makes sense to you, considering this is a person you allegedly know so well and you grew up together and you're just so bonded and close? I mean granted, nothing about this Kate has anything to do with the last woman-named-Kate-from-your-childhood that you dated (despite our being told otherwise), but it's not that confusing.

Also, how awesome was this? 

Sonny (to Michael): Todd Manning is the worst enemy there is. He's got more money than God, he's got no code whatsoever, and he thinks he's entitled to do whatever he wants to do.

Hahahaha! Your utter lack of self-awareness never fails to crack me up (especially when it's clearly intentional).

Dear Maxie: Is D.I.D. contagious, or in the town's water supply? Because stop giving your Uncle/Father Figure Mac seductively evil looks to try to will him into arresting you. Because eww.

Evilmaxie!

Evilmaxie2

Also, take it down a notch.

Dear Mac: You might not want to arrest Maxie because you think she's not a murderer, but let's not pretend you actually arrest murderers.

Dear Coleman: You're alive! You still exist!

Coleman

Also, you might want to check in on your ex-girlfriend. She's acting a little weird and might need some help. On the flip side, you might be into her new kind of weird. She certainly won't think she's too good for you now, but you will get covered in hot pink lipstick.

Dear Jason: Oh shut up. Your freakin' pregnant wife was told some news could kill you, so she kept mum about it a few hours later than the hospital staff suggested. Sorry you feel "managed," especially considering you manage everyone you ever come into contact with since you are the wise sage of Port Charles. 

Jason

Also, you can't really blame her for not thinking you'd put a high priority on your attendance at the funeral. Consider your track record, Oh Saintly Hitman of the Funeral Avoidance. (Funerals are hard for him, y'all! He's special! 'Cause for the rest of the world, they're totally cake.)

Dear Elizabeth: So thanks for being a voice of reason!

Dear Luke: Oh, can it with your clever nonconformist advice. You killed your grandson and then gave another one a ride to the hospital. You've done crap to rebuild your relationship with your family.

Luke

And don't even think about sexytimes with the hot grieving mother.

Dear Noah: OMIGOD Y'ALL IT'S RICK SPRINGFIELD!

Noah

I mean, yay! Dr. Noah Drake is back for a visit!

Which brings us to...

Anna

Patrick

Patrick and Anna. Forget it. I can't give them any messages because I can't even deal with how much I love the both of them right now. They are just tearing me right up. All torn up, that's me. They're just both so broken right now that it's hard to watch, and it's not helped in the least by Jason Thompson and Finola Hughes being crushingly awesome at their jobs, like every second. 

Comments

McBain and Noah Drake! WEEEEEE!!!

I'm still stunned by Mac saying (twice! Not once!) Spinelli's right.

Anything else has fled my mind after this play on the past with this line, after Sam asked McBain how he would feel about being lied to.

McBain: It would be like a stake to the heart.

OMG! And Todd said he had no sense of humor.

Jason is an IDIOT. Gawd, how the hell do they do brain surgery on a guy who doesn't have one??

It's not such a jump for someone over the emotional age of 12 to understand why he wasn't told about Robin's death. As Sam pointed out, he just woke up from his post-surgery coma THIS MORNING. Hell, he should still have a catheter attached. I'd like to see how he slipped his tightass jeans over THAT.

With Jason, no matter what the operation, all I see post-op is someone with even less charm than he has intelligence, and that's a stretch.

BTW - ADULTS, when they hear of a death, think first of those closest who are affected by it, such as a spouse, a loved one, a child, parents, etc. They DO NOT first think of how they themselves will be affected. So I guess Jason and his pal Sonny are just big homocidal kids running around town with guns. Sheesh.


I don't think I ever said it when he was on OLTL, but today I actually enjoyed McBain! I liked how he verbally sliced and diced Little Dutch Boy Falconeri at the Police station, and I liked his interaction with Sam.

McBain will be more than a match for Dante, the Latino-woman-who-reminds-me-of-a-Zombie-Simone-Torres-from-AMC, and the loathesome Ronnie. If McBain needles Dante and humiliates Ronny, then I'll enjoy him being in town. I hope he can have a relationship with Mac that is a positive one. Poor Mac needs to work with an actual adult every now and then.

Barney Fife would be more than a match for the PCPD.

I think the only time I ever noticed John on the LPD was when he would "accidentally" cause another death of someone he didn't like very much. Such as Jared. Then he'd try to pout for a minute before everyone forgot.

Fortunately GH has enough dead weight to where he could accidentally kill quite a few people. They should have a viewer vote.

I have to comment on Monday's GH. I found that episode to be the single most obnoxious episode of a soap opera in recent memory. All of the ridiculous, weightless, out-of-nowhere dialogue and over-the-top acting. I cringed watching that episode.

Maxie's mental break at Robin's funeral gutted any of the sentiment I felt. It was so disrespectful and when she yelled at Emma, "I killed your mommy!" UGH. So happy Elizabeth got the poor child and booked it out of there. I chuckled as Liz's speed increased towards the door as Maxie further lost it. We (the audience) need a long break away from Maxie. Ideally, Maxie will be admitted to Shadybrooke and Felicia returns to take her away from Port Charles.

Sam should have slapped Carly before going off to find Jason. The Jason/Sam scenes felt pointless and the dialogue meaningless. I had anticipated their confrontation to be impactful but nope. JaSam are just DOA all of the time.

Johnny should have escorted Carly's crazy ass out of his apartment. She sounded like a Jason-obsessed lunatic. Speaking of lunatics...

I have had enough of Kate/Connie/Carmen and Sonny. We need a break of these two together, hell, and separately. They are painfully dull.

I see the new writers have no sense of pacing. I thought Anna confronting Patrick about Lisa should have waited until after the funeral. Somehow, couched in the midst of Robin's funeral episodes, I felt annoyed by the Anna/Patrick scenes and I like the characters, actors and motivations involved. I probably would have appreciated the scenes a few episodes later.

Luke should just go jump off a cliff.

My biggest problem with GH is that it is full of unlikeable characters doing unlikeable things. But I do think I will like the addition of John McBain. He's been awesome for a while now and he actually solves crimes. Loving Liz these days but I am ready for her to not caretake and get a real story. Her scenes with Jason were completely about Jason with no acknowledgement of her closeness to Robin or the anniversary of Jake's murder. Maybe tomorrow...but somehow I doubt it.

Quite a fast pace to have Anna planning to take custody about 5 minutes after her daughter's funeral. Anna should just have 'plot point' stamped on her forehead.

Anyone know when Todd comes back to town? I'd love to see him, Coleman & Luke butting heads.

Ron:

"So I guess Jason and his pal Sonny are just big homocidal kids running around town with guns. Sheesh."


And you say you're new to watching GH. ;-)

There's going to be a funeral (pre Maxie's shrieking) recap coming, right? So we can discuss the (gulp, weep, sob) tie scene?

The whole time Anna was going off on Patrick...First, I couldn't believe she would be so mean so soon after her kid's death. Second, the whole time Anna was acting outraged about her daughter choosing to stay with her husband after he cheated on her with a crazy woman who turned out to be a stalker and kidnapper...I was literally yelling at my TV, "OMG Anna!!!! You did the exact same thing with Duke! He cheated on you with crazy Olivia, who then stalked you, kidnapped Robin, and caused you to lose your baby. But you forgave him!!!!!!!"

I guess continuity is hard over 25 years, but still...

The acting was spot on though, even though I didn't love the material.

Forgot to add, after coming back to GH recently after years away, I can instantly see what my problem is going to be.

The only two characters I give a damn about, really? Patrick and Anna. (Well, I guess I should throw Emma in there too). I can deal with Elizabeth, Mac, Alexis and Tracy. Don't care in the SLIGHTEST about the rest of them. Just don't.

I have to admit I loved the Patrick/Anna scenes. It was cruel of her to unleash on him like that, but I could understand it coming out like that in her grief (though I find it a lot questionable that she hadn't already known). And she knew she'd been cruel, too, when she spoke of it later. A character with self-awareness! I just definitely felt for both characters in those scenes, and that's quite frankly such a rarity on this show.

Is she really planning to sue for custody? I guess I don't really want to know because I'm spoiler-free, but I thought she made an off-hand comment in anger yesterday after hearing about Emma's having almost been kidnapped, etc., but then heard that Lisa is now dead. I honestly hadn't gotten the sense that she's actually going for custody, but maybe I'm misinterpreting.

KatR, not sure about a full recap of all the funeral episodes. Not sure I have it in me (as it would be repeated, "AND THEN I CRIED SOME MORE AND WHY IS KATE?!"), but maybe something will change or maybe Mallory will be braver than I!

****I was literally yelling at my TV, "OMG Anna!!!! You did the exact same thing with Duke! He cheated on you with crazy Olivia, who then stalked you, kidnapped Robin, and caused you to lose your baby. But you forgave him!!!!!!!"****

WAS.DOING.THE.SAME.THING. And then the threat to take Emma. I am so sick of that crap. Mac did that to Patrick too.....twice. One of the times he even tried to pick Emma up and take her out of the house. I am really tired of Robin's people getting mad at Patrick and their first thought is "Emma is coming with me". What the hell is that about? LOVED IT, when Patrick said "don't even think about it". I understand Anna being angry and guilt ridden but still....Duke, Olivia. Anna, REALLY?

I usually like Jen Lilley but the over the top performance at the funeral was just too much. I couldn't even watch it. I got as far as "EMMA I KILLED YOUR MOMMY!" and hit the FFWD button through the rest of anything with her in it. Just too much.

RICK SPRINGFIELD! That's all.

So I see the vampire Caleb has returned and found Livie, er Sam. Bats, wings, fly away, PLEASE.

OH WAIT! I forgot. JASON! DUDE. WTF?? He stood on that bridge and told Elizabeth how is he supposed to forgive Sam lying to him. Really? REALLY?!?!?! Dude, you forgave her for knowing about your SON'S KIDNAPPING. You forgave her after you first THREATENED TO KILL HER if she ever came near Liz or your son again. YOU FORGAVE those things, but yoiu have a hard time forgiving her for lying to try to save you life? AND I DON'T EVEN LIKE SAM. Hell I was rooting for Carly to tell Jason about Robin. But really, if you can forgive her for KIDNAPPING YOUR KID, you can forgive her for lying.

"I see the new writers have no sense of pacing. I thought Anna confronting Patrick about Lisa should have waited until after the funeral. "

The funeral was over. The roof top ceremony was over.

"So I guess Jason and his pal Sonny are just big homocidal kids"

homocidal -- best typo ever.

I totally get Anna confronting Patrick on the hospital roof after Robin's memorial service since crazy loon Maxie just blurted it out at the church. Anna thought her daughter had a fantastic little family, and then learns the ugly truth about Lisa. The woman is still reeling from her daughter dying not long after the two sat with Emma in the hospital waiting area.

Maxie is L.O.U.D.

Jason asking Liz about forgiving Sam was a huge WTF? Dude. Your "wife" wanted your baby son gone and did every vindictive thing that she could to keep you from being a father to your child. Ass hat!

@ marz - It's all the same day. I just feel the confrontation could have waited because of all of the OTT craziness that went down at (abd surrounding) Robin's funeral. I don't think the storytelling is well organized. Save some for the end of the week. Perhaps, it was told this way because Finoka Hughes is not staying long. I dunno.

I'd love to see a chem test with Liz and McBain.

Also, I think the REASON Anna flew off the rails is because she did the same thing.

I believe that Olivia lied about sleeping with Duke. But Anna forgave him when he believed he had slept with Olivia. so, yes...that's a piece of history that could be mined.

I read some of the boards yesterday before actually watching the episode, and they were all ready to throw Anna from the hospital roof. I expected a cringe-worthy, over-the-top confrontation, but I was instead treated to one of the most honest, credible exchanges between Anna and her daughter's husband.

THAT was the Anna I knew and loved back in the 80's. Anna was fierce, protective of Robin above anything else, and in an era when the mob was actually considered the bad guys (hello Jeromes!), she truly kicked ass.

FINALLY, someone called Patrick out on what he did to Robin and his family. No, Patrick, it was not JUST one night. It was months of flirting and making Robin feel like a jealous shrew for asking you about it. It was several moves to actually get Lisa into bed while Robin was away, then one that led to the act, then lying to her face until you had no choice but to fess up when you realized she was a nutcase. Yet even AFTER all this, you doubted Robin when she tried to tell the whole world psychobitch was out to get her. You stomped your feet like a toddler when she wasn't quick enough to forgive you.

So no, Patrick, don't you dare tell Anna it was JUST one night.

And Anna? Pitch-perfect. Upon finding out your one and only daughter put up a happy front and concealed the fact that her husband cheated on her with an insane whore who tried to kill her on several occasions, kidnapped her precious Emma and (Patrick failed to mention) planned to make Patrick HIV positive, she went off on Patrick and basically spoke my mind. She thought Patrick was the one. The one who would love her and honor her forever, who would make a great dad to Emma.

So Anna made a veiled threat that if she had been in Robin's place, she would have packed up Emma and taken her to London. She was just telling him that she thought Robin had been way too easy on him, which I think she was, too. She was also telling him he had been a lousy dad for allowing that kind of threat to come anywhere near his daughter, which was also true. When you're a parent, you can't expect your actions to not affect your children. Emma was kidnapped, Lisa drugged Kristina to be inside her home, Emma's mom was nearly killed on several occasions, BECAUSE OF PATRICK'S ACTIONS.

And I, too, believe Anna's strong reaction could very well be explained by her own experience with Duke and Olivia, though I think the cheating was a set-up, that Duke never actually slept with Olivia. But she was deranged and a threat to Anna and Robin. It will be a true waste of history if Anna doesn't address this with Patrick eventually.

Was the timing right for this confrontation? I didn't mind it. When it comes to GH, timing is so wacked anyway, Robin dies and we are treated to a whole week of some other character from another soap who is grieving her child and boyfriend. GH, this was Robin freakin' Scorpio who just died. THIS character has been a part of the show for 27 freakin' YEARS, not 27 MINUTES.

While I'm on a roll, can I just mention my utter disbelief at the lack of respect that was shown to Robin at her funeral? Nevermind all the convoluted self-serving speaches that were about many things, but barely about Robin, but GH, SERIOUSLY???

During her hiatus from the show, Kim was brought back on a couple of occasions for big events, one I remember off the top of my head being Lila's funeral. It wasn't THAT long ago (2004) that GH knew that a character who had been on for 26 years (as was the case for Lila) deserved a grand send-off. Granted, the character's death was brought on by Anna Lee's passing, but still, as far as viewers are concerned, the end result is the same: someone they have watched for over a quarter of a century just disappeared from their screen forever.

Should I even attempt to express my dismay at the NEAR-EMPTY church that held Robin's joke of a funeral? You would swear a day player just died. Actually, they knew how ridiculously empty the church looked, so they added two day players in the back!!!

And that picture of Robin?!? A picture of Kim taken at a fan event?!?! Really, of all the gorgeous pictures of Kim as Robin, you picked that one GH???

And the video montage? How appropriate for Emma to be looking at pictures of her mommy kissing an another man, or lying next to a dying man... ARGH!!!

Way to show respect, GH. You are sooo focused on trying to attract new viewers that you forget that most of the only ones you do have, are the ones who have been watching for decades and hang on for sheer loyalty to the characters.

Brenda, anyone? I have not even heard her name mentioned since Robin died. To be fair, I fastforward most of the show, except the bits about Robin (you know I'll stop watching as soon as the story wraps up - that's right, started watching in 1985 because I was Robin's age and loved her then, and will stop watching once this is over). But old-time GH would have had her there.

And Jax? Ned, Lois? Jagger? Robin had three godfathers: Buzz, Sean and Frisco. Buzz is dead, but Sean and Tiffany should've shown. I'd argue that Frisco and Felicia should have been there, but since they didn't bother to bring Frisco to his own daughter's funeral, and Felicia just dropped out of sight after her brief appearance for Georgie's funeral.. well, I guess that says it all.

And Bobbie? Again, she wasn't even used for her nephew's son's death or for her granddaughter's instant/miracle cancer, so... yeah, OK.

And Nikolas? He and Robin had such a special relationship (I refuse to acknowledge that Nikolas turned on Robin during the whole Lisa debacle - my brain blocks that out).

And Michael? One of the great soap staples is enemies putting down their weapons long enough to pay their respect when tragedy strikes. Michael was raised by Robin for the first year of his life. She saved his life by bringing him out of his coma. Ungrateful little brat much? And if Jason's latest betrayal storyline with Sam wasn't so important, Carly should have been there. She knew Robin for a long time and, if not for her, at least for Patrick, whom she claims is such a good friend. Carly having to eat humble pie (not during a jumbled speach trying to tell Jason about Robin's death) and admitting that despite their differences, Robin was a great doctor who saved her son's life AND who died saving Jason's life, THAT would have been worth watching.

Lucy and Kevin people!!!

Coleman was Patrick's best man at his wedding for goodness'sake!!!

Nobody from the freakin' HOSPITAL?!?! Matt does not count because he's Robin's brother-in-law, and Liz doesn't count because she's there to babysit Emma anyway. This is GENERAL HOSPITAL!!! A vibrant, young, talented doctor dies in a tragic accident AT THE HOSPITAL and life goes on as usual at the hub. Epiphany barely mentioned Robin's death when trying to comfort Patrick, then said the best way to honor her is to stay at the hospital and work. Hmm, no, Epiphany, actually, the best way to honor her is to take your ass to the church and show your respect to her family, all of whom you know, by the way. What about Robin's "good friends" at the hospital, people? Where were Tyrrell, Kelly, Lainey, Steve, Monica, Audrey? I know, I know, Audrey wasn't even brought on screen for Jake's death.

And Lucky? He adored Robin. He had a crush on her when he was a kid and he was one of the only ones who actually doubted Lisa's story when she came to him with accusations about Robin.

The fact that Robert and Holly's return was more about Ethan's parentage then about Robin's death is beyond words. Holly KNEW Robin as a child. She should have been affected by her death. It is always good to see Tristan Rogers, but to have Robert go bonkers and skip his daughter's funeral is so out of character, they should have made an excuse and had him stay off camera altogether.

And Luke's part in all this?!?! WTF!?!? Robert leaving a message for Luke? Hello people!!! How about an once of respect for your BROTHER, Robert, you know, the one who raised your daughter after you faked your death and was there for her for the 15 years that you weren't, including the most difficult time of her life, when she thought she lost her parents and later discovered she was HIV positive!?!?

And Luke comforting Anna? Stay away, child-murderer! Let Anna seek comfort with Mac! Or at least SHOW Mac grieving for his niece, not dealing with Maxie's latest crisis. Man I can't stand Maxie and Kate's simultaneous descent into madness. These actresses even look alike, at least they do when I fastforward them.

Oh.... I just have so much bitterness (you think?) about this whole thing...

One last thing. Just because it's the first time I write about this, and I know this has been discussed, but I just have to say...

Robin's death = worst death of all time.

Seriously.

It's like she was on a suicide mission. No way would the Robin I knew and loved would have been so stupid. First of all, the gas leak. Really? GH, do you not have ONE technical adviser on the show? Or even just one person with a functioning brain? Any gas coming out like that makes a hissing sound. It wasn't 50 feet away from Robin, it was like 5 feet away. She would have heard it. And the chemical spill? Strong enough to take out Patrick (all 6 feet tall of him), but not our little 5 feet tall Robin, who was able to go in and drag her tall husband out of there without breaking a sweat. And then the REAL stupidity starts. Alarms go off and it all looks real scary (except, not), yet not a soul in sight, no security, nothing. Robin wants to save Jason's medicine because... because what exactly? Was it made of a special one-of-a-kind compound that could never ever be duplicated? Not that we know. Was it some mysterious formula that no one could figure out? No, Robin came up with it, surely she could make some more, now that she knows it's the right formula. But I digress. Robin MUST get Jason's medicine. She KNOWS there is a time lock on the door. So of course, she goes in and lets the door close behind her. Don't ask your husband to hold it, or put a freakin' trash can to hold it open. Noooo. She goes in and, knowing there is a gas leak, DOES NOT CLOSE the freakin' valve. That would be too easy. Chemical spills on the counter: from the camera cuts, we are left to believe whatever dropped on the floor is what caused the explosion, yet Robin never once tried to stop the spill or pick it up. No. Robin had to die like an idiot, in a death that could have been prevented a hundred different ways. And by the by GH, an explosion-proof door and window would not so much as budge if anyone tried to yank it open. When Kim and Jason were supposed to make it look like they were trying to open the locked door, the whole thing seemed like it would topple over if someone would just kick it hard enough.

These are all the reasons why soaps get made fun of all the time. There is only so much suspended disbelief we can muster, people. When you take what is supposed to be a capable, resourceful character, and you make her die in such a stupid way, you end up with an audience so disappointed, they stop caring about what happens.

Anyway... over and out.

Yes...What Nathalie said!!
Excellent!

Nathalie - You said it all. I totally agree except for the part about no longer watching GH because I have threatened to stop watching soaps to no avail!

The key word to remember here is BUDGET. There is no budget to do all the things you want, Nathalie. So, for two weeks, every single character has talked about Robin and all the good she did. Because budget. FV is trying to keep this show afloat and he and RC are making decisions based on bringing quality to the viewers on a very limited budget. The days of big funerals are over. Budget.

BTW, Jack Wagner was asked to come back-he said "No."

I think more annoying than the lack of returns for the funeral (I agree with marz that it's a budget issue; soap weddings and funerals will never be packed affairs with tons of returns these days) was the excuses for characters who are there (Pip, Monica, Edward, Tracy, the other recurring doctors and nurses, etc.) to not go.

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