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« Theme for the Day | Main | Discomfort, Squared »

April 22, 2012

Death By Chocolate?

There are some days that I find myself so uninspired by the events on General Hospital that I have literally--literally!--nothing to say. Nothing. No things. I try! I do. I sit and look at a blank TypePad screen and I attempt to write, like, "And then Spinelli..." but I am so profoundly uninterested by whatever it is Spinell is doing or has done that I can't even muster up the energy to straight up recap it.

(There are also some days and some storylines in particular (like, say, F****o being Jason's t**n--I can't actually type those words out. My fingers won't let that sentence be a real thing) that I can say plenty of things about but those things are semi-intelligible and outraged, not pithy and hilarious, but posting it would be proof that my detractors are right and I DO need to take a walk, get some therapy, etc.)

And then there are times that I watch twenty seconds of this show and am overwhelmed with things that I want to say in ALL CAPS and italics and with lots of interrobangs.

20120420_154733-vi

Kate-Connie, gasping for air as if she'd just run a marathon which, hey, maybe one of those personalities DID run a marathon: It's so sweet how everyone crowds around you--until someone gets HURT or DEAD. Well, it's not gonna be Kate. [Whispers]Or me. [Heavy breathing] I'm not gonna let you destroy us! [Laugher] [Whispers] Screw you. [Louder] Screw you and your lies and your promises. It's time to make you suffer. [Primal screaming]

20120420_154713-vi

20120420_154723-vi

20120420_155428-vi

20120420_154738-vi

!!!

???

?!?!

These are questions that I have:

1. WHAT?

2. WHY?

3. DID THAT...?

4. REALLY?

5. What is Kate-Connie's plan here? I've been halfheartedly trying to follow the bizarre logic she's using in her quest to ruin Sonny once and for all, but I do not understand it. Whether this is because it's too complicated or because I don't care enough to comprehend it is anyone's guess.

6. And how on earth did brutalizing a delicious looking cake fit into her grand scheme?

7. Do you think Megan Ward ever watches this show? I don't mean to slander the lovely Ms. Ward by implying that she has so little going on in her life/has such a masochistic streak that she'd willingly watch GH, but I'm curious. Is she relieved that she dodged the campiest, most ludicrous of bullets? Does she look at Kelly Sullivan's hair with a mixture of scorn and pity (probably not, right? Because she seems perfectly lovely AND because who could look past all of...that and notice the woman's hairstyle)?

8. What recipe did they use to get such a beautiful, moist looking cake? And all that frosting! I am a baking nerd and I demand details.

9. Why does this show, so famous for its inconsistency, follow the rules of continuity when it comes to horrible things happening to chocolate cakes?!

10. Does the word "campy" still apply here or have we entered a completely new sphere of ridiculosity?

Comments

AND, how does Jason Thompson see this insane fuckery and STILL insist on being so heartbreakingly good during his five minutes of screen time?

Cake murderer!

I too don't understand Connie's plan. If she just wants Sonny out of Kate's life for good, why not stab him when he's sleeping and be done with it?

Someone wake me up when Heather Webb's is back.

Thanks, Mallory! All I can say, it's time for Connie to snap to and use that carving knife to frost Sonny. And I don't want to wait till next Friday to see it either. That last Metro Court party lasted the entire month of January.

As a newish constant viewer, I'm really stumped by what we're supposed to feel about Jason.

I'm not loving whiny Sam, which is all she is when she's around the Borg Jason, but no matter how much she may irritate -

SHE is the one who got raped -

SHE is the one carrying the baby -

SHE is the one who had to deal with this nudnick's latest head injury -

But HE is the one who is so upset???? Because she delayed telling him???? Not lie, not stretch the truth, she waited until she had the whole story. And SHE's the one apologizing? For what, exactly?

It seems that Jason, that sorry excuse for a part human being is the one that needs to be coddled and apologized to, when NOTHING HAS HAPPENED TO HIM OTHER THAN HAVING HIS WISHES NOT OBEYED IMMEDIATELY.

And all those capital letters mean that yes, I did yell at the screen. I find Sonny utterly replusive but next to Jason, he's a pinata filled with candy canes and unicorns.

But, at least we got to see Sonny, the BEST FATHER EVER, who would NEVER KILL A CHILD, beam with joy like the Real McCoy at his families pride, his special two boys. (My apologies to Walter Brennen and the Real McCoys.) And who doesn't love a nice shiny suit made out of saran wrap and human skin? Sonny looked as classy as he did dreamy.

Connie, FROST him!

"As a newish constant viewer, I'm really stumped by what we're supposed to feel about Jason."

The same as we were supposed to feel about Ford, John, Rex, and TSJ's Todd - they are always the victims, no matter what.

I noticed that you steered clear of the whole Lulu/Luke never ending conversation..... Would someone please tell Lulu that she is a file clerk! Aren't files starting to pile up somewhere while Lulu plays Blues Clues? And please tell her that it may be more productive to talk to her mob-son cop. The whole scenario was ludicrous.

I was sooo hoping when Connie grabbed the knife that she was going to go Norman Bates on Sonny. Poor cake never stood a chance and I have to admit, it was one of the most embarassingly bad scary scenes I have ever scene. Maybe because I felt more compassion for the cake? And then she...I mean...if and when she stabs Sonny, is she going to...after the fact...oh blimey I can't even put it into words.

It was the first (and hopefully last) cake murder I ever witness.

I was literally, "OMG, not the cake!!!!!" Seriously, that was some awesome-looking chocolate cake.

eh, i liked it; thought it was hilarious; connie is very entertaining. beats watching lucky look at a pill on the floor for an entire episode

I think this alter Konnie is just plain silly, like a kid; how old is she suppose to be?

Frankly, I could care less how logical or messy this Konnie DID storyline. This is the sort of hot mess I live for in soaps and Ron is serving that camp to me on a silver platter.

"Why does this show, so famous for its inconsistency, follow the rules of continuity when it comes to horrible things happening to chocolate cakes?!" Hilarious. . .

I laughed at the cake death and was so disappointed that nobody walked in on her.

Also, I cry bullshit on Kate being able to make Alexis feel insecure about her dress. . . hello?. . . this is Alexis Davis/AKA Natashia Cassadine (or wahtever). . .she of the best Sonny/Jason smackdown EVER! No way. Not buying it.

"I find Sonny utterly replusive but next to Jason, he's a pinata filled with candy canes and unicorns."
L. M. A. OFF!!!!!!! I don't think my FBFs like when I am home and watching GH. My status updates usually get increasingly aggitated and start going all CAPS.

Posted by soapgirl:
"eh, i liked it; thought it was hilarious; connie is very entertaining. beats watching lucky look at a pill on the floor for an entire episode."

>> I'm with you soapgirl...I loved it's campy-ness!

Posted by bethie:
"Also, I cry bullshit on Kate being able to make Alexis feel insecure about her dress. . . hello?. . . this is Alexis Davis/AKA Natashia Cassadine (or wahtever). . .she of the best Sonny/Jason smackdown EVER! No way. Not buying it."

>> I understood Alexis being upset with what "Kate" said since she (and Diane) idolized the great Kate Howard, Editor of Crimson, and were always trying to get shoes and clothes from her.

After Kelli Sullivan's terrible performance today (in another great RC story about how hot it is to see mentally ill women sex it up), I can see why people enjoy her with inanimate objects - they steal the scene. In this case, the only scene-stealing moment of the latest poor-Sonny-and-poor-Carly train was Brandon Barash's hairy muscled chest.

@Carl: I wish I shared your appreciation of Mr. Barash's naked chest. I find his body unappealing and he's the most-oft shirtless of the GH actors! Besides, my complete superficialty, I find GH so unappealing! I admit, the latest promo looked great (and so does Kristina Wagner!)

The promo was interesting. Was that Euen on the gurney? Did Heather hurt him? Are we in for Sonny & Carly, the gazillionth chapter?

I'm still not sure why anyone would want to give birth to the child of a rapist. Alexis deserves a smarter daughter.

And poor Steve, caught in the "rescue" Olivia arranged. Maybe her guilt will make her go crazy and she can go away--and take her cousin with her. Kate/Connie is awful. Really, really awful.

Lucy, I think Sam is beyond doing anything about not giving birth to a rapist's child, at least legally. She went from "I'm pregnant" to looking at least six months along for the what, two nights, Jason was in the hospital? Geez Louise. Somebody that small probably wouldn't even begin showing in real life until they practically went into labor.

I do have to agree the Kate/Konnie story line is ridiculous and painful to watch in the extreme, BUT, I agree that the soapiness of it gives me hope. I mean, think back to late 70's/80's GH?? Freezing the world, aliens, everyone having amnesia, several "back from the dead" storylines, not to mention a camptastic turn from Elizabeth Fuckin' Taylor!! All ridiculous, all campy and all soapy, soapy goodness.

I hope the K/K story line means we might be headed back to a bit of that. I'm game.

Thanks Rene, that must be it. I have no sense of time, since one day on their honeymoon=6 weeks (or seemed like it).

I agree--I welcome campy. Maybe it's the players involved, since it just puts more Sonny on my screen. And I want decidely less Sonny.

Those stories worked because many viewers cared about the people involved. Other than laughing at her, does anyone care about Kate? Does anyone care about Sonny, or Carly? It reminds me of when GH tried to do that toxin/virus story with Robert Kelker-Kelly, which was cut short because of 9/11. Most of the people in that were also tough to care about.

I think GH should focus on the characters viewers are invested in, and who aren't burnt out. Unfortunately instead they just seem to get warmed over stories that cost OLTL and GH so many viewers in the first place.

LOL - Yep, GH time is not based in reality. Sam had basically just found out she was pregnant when Jason went in for surgery, and by the time he woke up, she had a huge baby bump. Most of their friends and family didn't even know yet, but it was kind of obvious by then!

Children go from age 6 to 16 over a weekend. I even watched a scene where Jason's hair was long, the camera went to Sam responding to something and back to Jason whose hair was then SHORT! WTF? Someone will ask a serious question or make some earth-shattering comment, dramatic music plays - COMMERCIAL! Upon return, the conversation/answer to question has apparently happened OFF camera and can even be days later, and we just get a word or two about it in some other random scene when we thought we were being set up for a big moment.

Then on the other end, we have one day that lasts for six weeks, like the Metro Court hostage thing or, yep, Sam and Jason's honeymoon.

UGH

GH is using block taping, and unfortunately the show no longer has someone dedicated for continuity.

Sam would not be in a pickle with her baby if she had simply gone to the pharmacy for the morning after pill instead of chasing after Franco. Sam had a surgical treatment last year to have a baby, and we're suppose to think that she wouldn't bother to at least seek medical help after being raped by Franco? Franco probably had cooties!

Sam and Jason's honeymoon started in October and ended in November. She was raped (maybe) a week or so before Thanksgiving. She has been pregnant since at least November, and found out about being pregnant in January, when she realized she had missed her period. She took the pregnancy test around New Years. It's actually pretty close to the way she is showing. And it's way too late for a pregnancy termination.

She was in revenge mode in Hawaii-and reacted emotionally, not intellectually. And it's a soap.

Edited to add-the addition of Heather in the hospital during all the DNA testing probably means the baby is Jason's.

All this Franco crap that we viewers have been subjected to was certainly worth it to James Franco, since he's just previewed a documentary about his experience on GH at the Tribeca Film Festical.. What a media pest. Why doesn't he just go to class to get his PhD, rather than getting his professor who gave him a D for non-attendance fired for daring to give him a bad grade. Please make him never return to GH, and wipe the current sl off screen....

Duh. Of course the baby is really Jason's! As a matter of fact, Jason is now walking in John McBain's shoes since the man spent all of 2011 not realizing that he was Liam's father. Ugh. RC is just redoing his OLTL Jolie 2.0/Brody/Liam s/l with Franco/Sam/Jason and baby which will turn out to have been Jason's all along. Why not simply write Sam as being pregnant with Franco's baby and the man is no connection to the Q's? Why not show Sam struggling to love her baby knowing that Franco tampered with the paternity test to keep her from terminating his child? Let the baby have special needs and see how JaSam deal with it. What if Sam is unable to bond with the baby after it's born? Jeez. Let's think out of the box and not have another repetitive WTD s/l that you know will end up with King Jason as the baby Daddy!

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