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« Theme for the Day | Main | Discomfort, Squared »

April 22, 2012

Death By Chocolate?

There are some days that I find myself so uninspired by the events on General Hospital that I have literally--literally!--nothing to say. Nothing. No things. I try! I do. I sit and look at a blank TypePad screen and I attempt to write, like, "And then Spinelli..." but I am so profoundly uninterested by whatever it is Spinell is doing or has done that I can't even muster up the energy to straight up recap it.

(There are also some days and some storylines in particular (like, say, F****o being Jason's t**n--I can't actually type those words out. My fingers won't let that sentence be a real thing) that I can say plenty of things about but those things are semi-intelligible and outraged, not pithy and hilarious, but posting it would be proof that my detractors are right and I DO need to take a walk, get some therapy, etc.)

And then there are times that I watch twenty seconds of this show and am overwhelmed with things that I want to say in ALL CAPS and italics and with lots of interrobangs.


Kate-Connie, gasping for air as if she'd just run a marathon which, hey, maybe one of those personalities DID run a marathon: It's so sweet how everyone crowds around you--until someone gets HURT or DEAD. Well, it's not gonna be Kate. [Whispers]Or me. [Heavy breathing] I'm not gonna let you destroy us! [Laugher] [Whispers] Screw you. [Louder] Screw you and your lies and your promises. It's time to make you suffer. [Primal screaming]








These are questions that I have:

1. WHAT?

2. WHY?

3. DID THAT...?


5. What is Kate-Connie's plan here? I've been halfheartedly trying to follow the bizarre logic she's using in her quest to ruin Sonny once and for all, but I do not understand it. Whether this is because it's too complicated or because I don't care enough to comprehend it is anyone's guess.

6. And how on earth did brutalizing a delicious looking cake fit into her grand scheme?

7. Do you think Megan Ward ever watches this show? I don't mean to slander the lovely Ms. Ward by implying that she has so little going on in her life/has such a masochistic streak that she'd willingly watch GH, but I'm curious. Is she relieved that she dodged the campiest, most ludicrous of bullets? Does she look at Kelly Sullivan's hair with a mixture of scorn and pity (probably not, right? Because she seems perfectly lovely AND because who could look past all of...that and notice the woman's hairstyle)?

8. What recipe did they use to get such a beautiful, moist looking cake? And all that frosting! I am a baking nerd and I demand details.

9. Why does this show, so famous for its inconsistency, follow the rules of continuity when it comes to horrible things happening to chocolate cakes?!

10. Does the word "campy" still apply here or have we entered a completely new sphere of ridiculosity?


"What recipe did they use to get such a beautiful, moist looking cake? And all that frosting! I am a baking nerd and I demand details."

I'm going to assume the frosting was made to look shiny by adding corn syrup. I've done it in the past, and while it adds nothing to the flavor, it makes it shiny and glossy-looking.

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