Memory Lane Is My Favorite Neighborhood In Port Charles
Thousands (do thousands of people still watch this show? For honesty's sake, I'd like to revise that, but "tens" just doesn't have the same flair) of General Hospital fans spent years railing against the show's complete unwillingness to even mention, let alone honor, its history. I'd like to speak on behalf of myself and the other eight people still watching this show and profess my thanks to the writers for blessing us with a sterling recap of Heather Webber's misdeeds and craziness!
Steve: Anyway, my father, being the stand-up guy he is, wanted my mother to get an abortion, but she didn't.
Olivia: Thank god.
Steve: Instead, she had me, and, uh -- sold me to another couple.
Olivia: Are you serious right now?
Steve: Apparently the going rate was 10,000 bucks.
Olivia: That is truly horrible. I don't know what to say.
Steve: That's not the worst part of the story. Heather, my mother, eventually changed her mind.
Olivia: Of course she did. She wanted you back.
Steve: She concocted this -- this whole plan to drive my adopted mother insane -- and this was where it gets wacky -- by slipping her some LSD.
Olivia: Wait, so -- so what happened? Did it work?
Steve: Not exactly. She wound up drinking the spiked tea herself and completely broke down mentally.
This condensed version of a particularly fantastic era in GH history also meant that we got to see one of my favorite recurring soap opera elements in action: when a character is confronted with a situation that can only be described as well...soapy. It's fascinating to me to see how the character reacts to the weirdness that their life has taken. They sometimes, like real life human beings would, find it to be absurd. And they are sometimes so resigned to the ridiculousness of their lives that they can't even be bothered to give a half-hearted shrug.
Olivia Falconeri is one of the former soap characters, reacting to Steve's story with a variety of facial expressions that I can only describe as being wildly over-the-top and more appropriate for a silent film (she also, because she is terrible, interrupted her boyfriend's story to make things all about herself and her own out of wedlock pregnancy. She's so happy that Steve is finally opening up to her that she just has to talk about herself!). She burned off about three hundred calories just by wiggling her eyebrows to denote surprise and horror.
Speaking of surprise and horror: THIS ENTIRE CONVERSATION TOOK PLACE WHILE THEY WERE NAKED, POST-SEXING. Sorry for the semi-hysterical caps lock, but WHAT?! WHO DOES THAT AND WHY AND ALSO, ACK! THE GRUESOME TWOSOME HAS TURNED ME INTO CATHY! BASTARDS!