The Chronicles of Ridiculous
On almost every single conceivable level, this Kate/Connie D.I.D. storyline is an embarrassment; like, I'm embarrassed to be watching it. A compelling D.I.D. story can be told and HAS been told by these very powers-that-be, but this particular story has been so sloppily cobbled together and seems to be written and directed with the mantra "No ludicrous is too ludicrous!" and all of my memories of Kate Howard as played by Megan Ward, who I loved dearly, are completely tarnished, so most of me wants to groan the groaniest of groans every time Kate/Connie's heavily made up face appears onscreen. But then this happens and then this:
Kate/Connie: Jason Freaking Morgan. Who does he think he is coming in he-ah, asking all those questions. Why don't you sit behind your desk, did you see the gun over there in the corner? PLEASE. I should have just told him. I shoulda just looked into his pretty little eyes and said 'Kate Howard ain't he-ah no more. I'm Connie Falconeri and I don't take crap from nobody!'
and I find myself wishing I could spend an entire hour watching Kelly Sullivan make insane faces and break out one of the craziest Brooklyn accents ever put on film. It is simultaneously the worst thing on television and the best thing on television and the fact that Sonny is so wholly unaware of anything strange going on ("Hey, your voice is different and you literally just jolted! What color tie do you think I should wear tonight?") makes everything both better and worse. I am both entertained and filled with shame. My General Hospital viewing life is one big conundrum.
Keeping with the ridiculous theme, there was some...uh, strangeness with Ewen today and now I'm wondering (actually, I'm not wondering, because that would imply that I am interested on some level and I'm the opposite of that) if he is a Jacks relative. Or someone sinister obsessed with the Jacks family.
Ewen: I've cornered the market on Australians around here.
Elizabeth: Well, unless Jax comes back.
Ewen: Jasper Jacks?
Elizabeth: Yeah! Do you know him?
Ewen: Australia may the be smallest continent, but I haven't met him.
Elizabeth: It sounded like you knew him.
EWEN: Uh, I, uh, I...I've heard the name before, you know, in conversation. Just Australians talking about other Australians, you know? Aussies be gossipy!
EWEN: I've heard, you know, that he's a financier. A corporate raider, if you will. A corporate raider buys companies, with money--
ELIZABETH: Yeah, I know what a corporate raider is...
EWEN: Well, did you know that Jax has a brother named Jerry, who held people hostage in some, like, totally random hotel a few years ago? I, uh, heard that that happened.
ELIZABETH: Yeah! It was this hotel, and I was here.
EWEN: REALLY? I had no idea that it was this hotel. That was conveniently left out of the story I heard about this whole thing! Aussies be bad reporters!
ELIZABETH: Jax was totally depressed when he found out that his brother was a psycho, and it broke his mother's heart.
EWEN: His mother, known in some circles as Lady Jane?
EWEN: Or so I've heard.
ELIZABETH: You know a lot about the Jacks family.
EWEN: Only what I've read during my countless hours spent researching this family in painstaking detail.
EWEN: Am I being weird? Let me hastily change the subject! Aussies be bad at diversions!