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« The Fine & the Surprising | Main | It's A Mixed Bag (of Nuts and Berries) »

May 22, 2012

I'm Sorry--WHAT?!

These are things I learned about Johnny Zacchara today (in order to save my fingers from the carpal tunnel that would surely arise after typing the following ad nauseum after every point on this list, please imagine that each item ends with the words "--what. What? WHAT?! And this happened because--because why? Why?! HORRIBLE. HORRORSHOW. HORRORSHOWIBLE"):

Johnny shot out Anthony's tires and is responsible for Hope and Cole's deaths, which is basically terrible because it means that Sonny was right to jump to the most anti-Zacchara conclusion in a matter of second and anytime Sonny is proven right about something, a small piece of my soul withers away. Also, it's terrible because, you know, a young father and a toddler are dead.

Johnny tells stories to dying people in the most dramatic fashion possible, complete with flashbacks and a gravelly voice and extremely dramatic segues.

Johnny: There she was in my face, as always. Connie. Just like she's always been.

Johnny: The idea came to me right away. The best one I ever had.

Johnny: You know at first, Connie wasn't really on board with the plan. It took a little convincing.

Because, you know, that's how I tell stories. I use a husky voice and strange introductory statements and then I raise my eyebrow as a signal to the person I am conversing with, letting them know that if there were flashbacks in real life, this is where I'd be inserting one.

Johnny is the kind of person who manipulates a (dangerously) mentally ill woman into confessing to a crime that he committed

Connie: What are you talking about? I didn't take the shot at Anthony. Why would I say I did that?
Johnny: Because Sonny is on the fence about Kate. It's only a matter of time before he forgives her and then Kate is going to blame the whole assault on Dr. Keenan on you and Kate is going to grow stronger and stronger with Sonny's love and support.
Connie: Yeah, because she's a freaking idiot and cant get out of her own way.
Johnny: She's going to be cured right, and she and Sonny are going to live happily ever after and you--you're going to be gone. 
Connie: I ain't going nowhere. No one's getting rid of me that easily.
Johnny: Your plan this entire time was to get Kate out of Sonny's life, right?
Connie: Yeah. Okay, so you told me to confess to something I didn't do.
Johnny: Listen to me: sleeping with me wasn't enough of a betrayal, but if Sonny thinks that you framed him for murder, that you shot out Anthony's tires and caused that accident and then planted that gun? He's going to be done with Kate forever and you? You're going to be free.

...because Johnny wants a second chance with Carly, I guess, even though Carly's romantic history indicates that the only chance a man SHOULD want with Carly is a chance to erase their history entirely and save himself the pain and anguish that comes with romancing her. And I say that as someone who LOVES Carly! But really, she's mostly terrible.

And he also wants to make amends with Starr, whose family he killed.

Johnny: That's with me every minute of every day. Every time I go to the park and see kids playing, I see a little girl with her father...it stops my heart. I feel sick. I can't bring them back, but I can make amends and I owe that girl Starr.

And he plans to make those amends by allowing a mentally unstable woman to take the fall for his own crime?

Also...he goes to the park and just, like, watches children? Ordinarily, that throwaway comment would cause me great discomfort, but today, it's just another personality defect to add to a growing list that could probably be used in a class on criminal profiling.

Johnny is many things (a manipulator, a murderer, a creeper), but he's also unashamed to show himself in the most embarrassing light possible, judging by the flashback he had to the time he learned that Hope and Cole perished in his attack on Anthony.

JOHNNY: [Looks dramatically at the newspaper with Hope and Cole on the front page]
JOHNNY: Oh, no. OH, GOD, NO!
JOHNNY: [Collapses against his door]
JOHNNY: No! Not a little child!
JOHNNY: [Rocks back and forth in pure misery and shame]

Oh, and Johnny is also the kind of person who will kill his grandfather (who, remember, he thought of as his father until a few weeks ago!) in a cold, menacing way.

Johnny: You left me no choice.
Anthony: We're family. You're not going to kill your old man.
Johnny: You're not my old man. Goodbye, Grandpa.

I mean, it's not that Anthony didn't deserve to die, but...really? This is how they...REALLY? I mean, what IS this? Is he supposed to be evil? Is he supposed to be suffering through a (very) slow-motion breakdown following the whole Claudia revelation? Or has he always been crazy and is just incredibly skilled at hiding behind a charming facade? I mean....HUH?


Also, Jason is just a WRETCH.

Sam: Are you saying you want to raise this baby together?

JASON: Fuck, no!

Jason: You moved out so fast that we didn't get a chance to talk about anything. Any...alternatives.
Sam: "Alternatives"?
Jason: Yeah. A way we could still be together.
Sam: Are you saying you want to put this baby up for adoption?
Jason: I don't know. I'm just saying there are people out there who would love this baby, who wouldn't judge this baby and that's what this baby deserves.

"And I am judging the fuck out of this baby already. Really. It probably has terrible hair and an ugly face. I hate it. And I hate you right now. I hate being in the same room as the uterus carrying the spawn of Satan. It's haunted, Sam. Your uterus is haunted."
"Haunted? You make it sound like there are fun house mirrors in there."
"There probably are. Call it like I see it."


I haven't seen this yet, but Mallory you have me smiling with gleeful anticipation and also cringing with fearful trepidation. . .all at the same time. . . to me it all sounds GREAT! Angsty soapy Horribleness!!! I'm gonna go watch.

Johnny's story-telling reminded me of a hard-boiled detective novel or something. I was just stunned by the 360 of Johnny Zacchara. And to have Sonny be right AFTER he made my heart break while watching Kate? Something's not right here!!!

I'm not happy about this at all! I would have been fine with this being Kate's exit story, but now we're going to have to sit through Sonny the Misunderstood Good-Hearted Mobster with the droopy lids and the pursed lips and the sad lilt in his creepy voice. Sonny is like an evil Weeble that Can't Fall Down.

It's like they've fashioned this show around a Garden Gnome.

Make that two Garden Gnomes. There are no words for Jason that are acceptable in polite company. And besides his utter selfishness regarding Sam, didn't you love how offended he was that Sam wanted to tell his family? Yeah, the Quartermaines, you soulless lunkhead. The family that still wants Jason around no matter what horros he does. But they're not good enough for him, I guess, because they don't respect his career decision to be a killer.

What a loser.

And we're probably going to lose Johnny and keep these two???

I watched it and I liked it. . .sort of. I like Johnny but have found him to be terribly bland since becoming a "mobster". He's been there but not really, ya know? He's just sorta there.

Now Johnny will have something interesting to do and I'll probably enjoy watching him and hating him (or what the writers do to him, one or the other). Regardless, it's new, and exciting, and horrible, and sad.

But I have to say something here. A few weeks ago I mentioned on here that I didn't see any evidence that Kelly Sullivan had the acting chops to carry off a DID storyline. I hereby retract that statement. She has been heartbreakingly wonderful the last few episodes. I'm liking her portrayal a lot.

Also, Jason sucks. No qualifiers there at all. Why is he so horrible? Why can't he just go back to being bland. My JNR lovin' heart could take bland. . . I don't even like Sam and I can't take what an asshole he's being to her.

Finally, Patrick with Emma today was absolutely precious. I miss those kinds of moments and it reminded me of a scene a very very long time ago of a much younger and far less jerklike Robert Scorpio tucking his little Robin in for the night. sigh. sweet.

Plus we're getting a Todd and Carly friendship (which I like) and hopefully not a romance (which would be SO wrong on SO many levels)

Sad to see Bruce Weitz go. Maybe he'll live? and if not will Tracey and/or Luke get blamed for his death since AZ let Johnny in on that he thought they were gunning for him?

Bahahaha! Jason does NOT want to raise another man's baby, and it's about freaking time. Michael, Sonny and Sam's baby, Hope, and now Sam's baby with Franco. I get it. I honestly get where Jason is coming from. Jason could have claimed Jake after Michael woke up from his coma, and chose not to because of the danger and he is regretting that opportunity. I have not forgotten that Sam had her little procedure on Jake's birthday. She barely blinked when Jason mentioned the anniversary of Jake's death. Karma is a cold hearted bitch. Sam is manipulating Jason like she did with Sonny years ago, when she kept threatening to abort her baby. This time, Sam decided moving out was a way to get Jason to commit to raising Franco's baby. Here's hoping that Jason stands his ground and files for divorce.

I saw this comparison on another board, but had to share because it's so on the money.

What RC did to Johnny today is exactly what he did to Elijah Clarke over on OLTL. Pinned every single wrongdoing and crime the last few months on one individual and turned said individual into the most evil evil that ever eviled so that others (in this case, Sonny) could look better. Hell, I'm surprised RC hasn't pinned Lisa's murder on him too.

It was crappy writing with Eli and it's crappy writing with Johnny.

Ladybug, I agree with you. I've been PO'd since Jason ditched Jake and accepted godfather responsibility for Joslyn and played pied piper of PC.

This is the Ron Carlivati playbook. Instant psychos who can do anything and everything, all to avoid actual storytelling. Just say to yourself, "Wow, this is soapy! It's so soapy! Anything can happen!" and pretend to be amazed as months are spent waiting for other characters to find out about his wicked ways, so that he can take them hostage.

The most obvious way that you could tell Johnny would fill this role was that the show called what he did rape. Ron Carlivati will twist and twist as much of the story as he can to make sure that "good" characters like Victor and Ford are not known as rapists.

GH can revolve around criminals and thugs as long as we remember how "good" they are. Generally "good" means bored actors who phone it in and whose characters push scenes involving women being treated like pieces of meat and/or brain dead victims. These characters stand in place, with their mouths hanging open, until another instant psycho comes along to huff and puff.

Jason is beyond nasty, he feels he can't raised his wife's baby fine, but to ask her to give up her baby so that they can be together just calls for a kick in the balls.

If you want to be with her you have to want to be with her baby if you can't handle that then take your whiny arse someplace.

I could care less that Jason abandon Jake this is about Jake.So what Sam decided to have her procedure on Jake's birthday, maybe she thought doing this would ease the pain of lost. Sam is going through her own hell so the anniversary of Jake death doesn't mean much to her which is fine as long as it matters to his parents.

I'm still trying to figure out how expecting your husband to stand by your side manipulating him, how is moving out because your husband said that he can't accept your child a form of manipulation. It isn't.

Go head Sam do you and your baby which should be the only concern that you have right now, Jason and Jake does not compute in your decision for the life of your child.

Somehow Johnny doesn't seem like the type to subscribe to a newspaper and sit down and read it with a quiet cup of coffee. More realistic would be for him to see it on the TV news, guess that would have cost more to portray.

I'm sure the record contract deal will fill the void in Starr's life from losing her family.

I wonder what Carly would think if she knew Johnny was involved in organ trafficking. Her own child was saved by a transplant that Johnny may have otherwise sold on the black market (does that exist?). Things sorta seem like a big mess right now. I'm trying to be patient to see how the writers sort them out but everything seems to be in a big tangle.

+++What RC did to Johnny today is exactly what he did to Elijah Clarke over on OLTL. Pinned every single wrongdoing and crime the last few months on one individual and turned said individual into the most evil evil that ever eviled so that others (in this case, Sonny) could look better. Hell, I'm surprised RC hasn't pinned Lisa's murder on him too. It was crappy writing with Eli and it's crappy writing with Johnny.+++

EXCELLENT comparison! I hadn't thought of it. And Johnny's exposition of all of his nefarious misdeeds reminded me of the same kind of moments from 40's B movies.

I am a fan of RC's writing, and of his affection for the shows. But I'm not a fan of the instant villian idea, nor will that little trick in any way redeem the real villian - Sonny. There has to be more to a story than being "told" what to believe or feel.

Let's face it - from the get go, Johnny has never been a star on GH. Not that he didn't have potential, but like most men under Guza's pen, Sonny and Jason were never going to be dethroned at the top so all other guys had to exist on a level beneath them - meaning, they couldn't let them get too popular. So, Johnny was always the 'also-ran' character. He was never the best anything - and was a popular character in spite of all that.

Johnny may have had a chance under the new regime, but frankly, I think GH's renewal sealed the character's fate. You can't tell me when this story started that Johnny was the shooter. You just can't. It made no sense then, and even with an explanation now, it makes no sense. With Carly, Johnny was primed to actually take a step up the character importance ladder (although, as Jax fans found out, it still doesn't mean the Kings are dethroned).

But I believe, when GH was renewed for another year, it gave Ron and Frank the chance to continue bringing over OLTL characters for long term stories (which, honestly, in the overall scheme of things I completely understand and support; but it does lead to some sucky unintended consequences) - and if you are going to bring over someone like Todd, you are going to want to pair him with a leading lady - and Carly made the most sense. So - Johnny's fate was sealed, and we began seeing the ramp up of Johnny's eventual demise. And yesterday sealed his fate.

It sucks because Johnny had the potential to be a leading man on the show. But he never got that chance with Guza, and he won't get that chance now.

I do think it's interesting what's being set up though - Johnny was Sonny's adversary, a place now being held by a more formidable Todd and McBain (and I say more formidable because those two have more 'weight' than Johnny ever did under the writers) - and McBain is even poised to be a replacement for Jason if need be.

Like I said above, I like it. Maybe because though I liked Johnny I was never really invested in him, and now I am. I want to see what he's going to do. . . I don't think that making him the big bad guy is necessarily writing him off.

Johnny has the history of craziness from both Claudia and his grandfather so I can totally see how he would be pushed to go down this path (and yet feel extreme remorse when little Hope and her daddy were killed). In fact it could maybe even be that which pushed him "over the edge" and he's scrambling now.

I also get him wanting AZ to pay. . . what he did to Johnny's mother (pimping her out supposedly) was awful and that would play on a person's psyche. Johnny has been suffering and going downhill since the reveal of his parentage and Carly was a lifeline for a while, but she's gone now.

After being skeptical about the DID story, and then finding it amusing, and now being thoroughly entertained and riveted by it, I'm gonna let the writers' write and see if I enjoy what comes out of it.

All in all, I've been enjoying GH more the last few months than I have in YEARS, and surprisingly it's not all just because of Todd!

"- and if you are going to bring over someone like Todd, you are going to want to pair him with a leading lady - and Carly made the most sense."

I don't think Carly makes sense for Todd's leading lady. LW's Carly has never had a popular romantic pairing (the closest is Jax, who was her lapdog) because she is just aggressive and pushy, not much else. She has her moments when she has tears in her eyes, the biannual reminders that she isn't a gorgon, but that's usually involving her kids. I also don't believe that Todd would ever be involved with her. So you are basically just rewriting his entire personality for a relationship that doesn't exactly have burning chemistry.

"I do think it's interesting what's being set up though - Johnny was Sonny's adversary, a place now being held by a more formidable Todd and McBain (and I say more formidable because those two have more 'weight' than Johnny ever did under the writers) - and McBain is even poised to be a replacement for Jason if need be. "

I don't see McBain or Todd as any genuine adversary to Sonny. McBain is mostly breathing all over Sam - his schemes against Sonny are usually fruitless and based on some dead sister no one knew or cared about. McBain is basically Taggart with more airtime and less personality. Todd has never had rivalries with other men, beyond sneering and making some sarcastic remarks. Sonny seems to be written as more and more of a sympathetic leading man.

I wish they had never put Johnny into any big rivalry with Sonny or Jason in the first place. It has never worked, and is never entertaining, because Maurice Benard just tanks it. They should have kept Johnny with other characters.

"I want to see what he's going to do"

Based on previous RC/FV stories, take a lot of hostages.

HATE CarTini
HATE what they've done to Johnny
HATE the forced Todd/Carly pairing
HATE the forced Michael/Starr pairing
HATE the way Tea is being written
HATE Jason
HATE Sonny
HATE that Johnny shot Gramps, but I'm
GLAD he's gone. Anthony was just too ridiculous to go on.

And I...
HATE Tea's belly rubbing! When will it stop?!?!?!

I personally like what a person said on another board about Jason asking Sam to think about giving up the baby for adoption. That Sam herself thought about giving up the baby for adoption. She herself admitted that on yesterday's show, so why can't Jason? Why is he a douche for saying to her what she herself pondered?

And I'm probably in the minority. Don't really mind being in the minority because it is what it is. Do I see Jason as a douche as I see so many people calling him? I can honestly say no. He's having doubts that he can raise a baby that is Franco's. Nothing is wrong with that considering all of what Franco has done to the people he loves. And yes, I have seen on many posts where people are all, "well he was willing to raise Michael and he was willing to raise Sonny's baby with Sam". That's apples and oranges to me considering that last time I checked neither Sonny or AJ 'raped' Jason's wife or had someone rape his virginal nephew while in prison. So to me it's very um..what? that people say well Jason should be able to raise Sam's baby with Franco since he was willing to raise Michael, Sam's baby with Sonny, and Hope. Once again this is just me.

And as for Sam is a victim of Jason's enemy so Jason should suck it up mantra that I have seen some people try to tote, I'm really not on that bandwagon at all. A person should be true to themselves before you can be true to someone else. If you can't be true to yourself, how can you possibly believe that a relationship will substain when you can't even be honest with yourself.

Now before I start, NO I don't believe Sam deserved to be raped. Let me put that out there before I continue my thought because I don't want to be accused that I'm saying that Sam deserved to be raped or anything to that effect. But I have to say two things about this. One, Sam chose the life and all it entailed and I don't remember seeing her having the "is this really the life I want for me or a child that I bring into the world". Michael, raped, should have been a rude awakening for her about how some enemies have no boundaries and I really don't remember her having great hesitation or reflection on whether she wanted to bring a child in Jason's world. Now I remember Jason pondering if he wanted to get out of the mob and I remember her pushing him to stay in the mob but I really don't remember her having a great pondering of if she wanted to bring a child into the mob world.

My other thing that I have noticed is that the people that are harping the most on Sam was raped by Jason's enemy is some of the viewers, not Sam. Not one time do I remember seeing Sam on my screen since her rape rethinking her decision on being in Jason's life or what that life entails. Now this time she's been raped by Franco herself and so this is now her personal rude awakening on the lengths that Jason's enemies could possibly go with her or even her child, but not one time do I remember seeing her have any doubts on if Jason's life is really the life she now wants for her child. Now she had her moment where she tried to throw Sonny under the bus with the 'if Sony went to prison, Jason and I would be free' which I found idiotic on her part considering that she was around when Sonny stepped down from the business, when Jason took the business from Sonny, and when Jason didn't want to skip town on her suggestion when he had his reprieve out of prison because of him not wanting to leave people behind who would be vulnerable so her thinking that with Sonny gone, Jason would leave the mob is idiotic to me. On top of that, Franco was Jason's enemy. He wasn't Sonny's enemy. Franco targetted Jason and the people in Jason's life and it wasn't to go through Jason to get to Sonny. So once again her minute of logic that with Sonny gone, she would have no more problems mob wise is once again idiotic to me. And with that I'm done with that topic.

Johnny. He finally became interesting to me. After all these years on this show, he finally became interesting to me. FINALLY. Because I always found it idiotic Johnny trying to take Sonny down. And I know I've seen posts on 'why can't Johnny ever win against Sonny' and for me, my thought process has always been because that's the non-experienced going up against the experienced. Sonny has over 30 years of mob experience where he's worked his way up to the top of the mob vs. what...Johnny's 2-3 years of experience with no one really teaching him the ropes. And no you can't count the fact that he 'grew up' in the mob. Look at it this way, just because you grew up with both of your parents being neurosurgeons and observed their surgeries, don't mean that you can just walk into the OR and perform a successful craniotomy. I see Johnny like a computer programmer fresh out of college, and Sonny like Bill Gates. Every now and the new graduate might one up Bill Gates, but in the end, you pretty much know that Bill Gates will win this one out. So I'm happy they finally took a different angle with Johnny instead of the angle they have been taking in the past.

Ugh, I just can't with this show anymore. This pretty much sums up my feelings on GH these days:


WHY DO I KEEP WATCHING?! I hate myself.

@Carl, I agree with you that Todd paired with Carly would basically be a total rewrite of his personality. Perhaps that could be explained away by eight years of prison and daily torture, causing him to think things over, but I don't think so, considering Blair was as much on his radar as ever when he came back.

I disagree that Todd hasn't ever had any male adversaries. . . in prison the "unBaker", Patrick T, Carlo H, Bo, Mitch L, His undead father, his adoptive father (in his own mind anyway after the old evil's death),Tomas Delgado, Victor L, . They were all male adversaries, not to mention Max??

I don't really consider most of those adversaries. He had more of a rivalry with Nora than Bo. Everyone hated Carlo. He barely interacted with Victor Sr. or Mitch, and the problems with his father were mostly offcamera. The closest would be Patrick, but that was so forced as Patrick was written as a one-note superhero cutout the entire time.

When I think of Todd I don't think of some type of epic feud. I think the character works best as an antihero, on the outskirts of town, commenting on stupidity. Carly and Sonny just aren't those types of characters.

I'm beginning to think that Johnny's the one with DID. I don't recognize him anymore.
And Jason sucks right now. All this attention to HIS pain ignores the fact that Sam actually has to carry her rapist's baby. I wish they would explore HER feelings,instead of just simplifying them for the sake of his struggle.

Hey Laura E.- the little woman's feelings and emotions have validity? Only Jason and Sonny (and Carly if not at the expense of the two men) matter, dammit!

I commented on another board where I was in the total minority, but I actually don't mind this twist with Johnny. It does make him more interesting and I could see him sticking around for quite a while. Sonny and Jason have both killed and are still on GH, so why can't Johnny?

I was boycotting OLTL (for ousting Kish, Rachel and Schuyler) during the Eli Clarke storyline, but I do recall him suddenly being evil. I'm not sure this is quite the same thing, but I guess we will see how this story plays out. I want to wait before I immediately judge.

Jason is the king of all douches. He has not been supportive to Sam ATALL since finding out about Franco being the biological father of her baby. Jason certainly has a right to his doubts, BUT at least pretend like you love and support your wife. Stop giving her the cold shoulder, looking constipated and wailing to Elizabeth. I want Sam to kick him in the nuts in her high heel boots and decide to raise the baby with her mom and sisters.

Kelly Sullivan has been great as Kate/Connie, but I have to admit that I am over DID storylines. Nothing can top OLTL's Queen Victoria and her alters. The Jessica debacle was good for camp value, but I grew tired of it quickly. I think soap writers should be banned from DID storylines for the next three years (if soaps last that long).

Haven't watched in a couple days, but this makes me happy about that.

In re: Johnny's flashback to realizing he is responsible for Hope/Cole's deaths, shouldn't that be:

"OH, GOD, NO. Not a little child. . . *again*?"

"I was boycotting OLTL (for ousting Kish, Rachel and Schuyler) during the Eli Clarke storyline, but I do recall him suddenly being evil. I'm not sure this is quite the same thing, but I guess we will see how this story plays out. I want to wait before I immediately judge."

I might wait if I hadn't seen this story about five or six times now. Brody (twice), Eli, Hannah, Marcie. Sky and Ross also became nuts overnight. And of course GH's Ronnie, for no apparent reason.

I think "Cartini's" high point was Ross, because he destroyed a canoe. The crazed canoe killer.

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