Lamest Murder Ever
It's not that I won't forgive holes in soap stories; I will. I do routinely, in fact. Not being able to forgive holes in stories and demanding real-world logic of soaps at all times would make for a very frustrated (and undoubtedly brief) viewer indeed. But gaping holes are excusable if they exist to serve a great story. And in the case of the Murder of Lisa Niles? Oh, we have a big problem because this story is so far from great that not even the great Jason Morgan and John McBain's omnipotent spidey senses combined would be able to find their way without a detailed map.
Just to scratch the surface of the many issues I'm finding insurmountable:
- Let's start with a small one. According to Spinelli's insistence that Maxie is a peace-loving, do-no-harm type of gal, she won't even use makeup tested on animals? That must be difficult in her industry! Especially interesting since she wears animals routinely and apparently, according to her comment to Matt in yesterday's episode, eats foie gras. You know, like all animal rights activists do. I hear it's the nightly dish at the PETA convention buffets.
Spinelli has now filled the court in on the fact that Matt killed Lisa and Maxie witnessed it, and the judge is utterly unconcerned that, if this is true, it means that Maxie provided a false confession and lied under oath and offered up falsified evidence.
Somehow Maxie is now a martyr and did "all of this" to protect Matt, which is hilarious considering the EFFING CASE WAS MOTHEREFFING CLOSED. If Matt goes to prison for this, it's actually Maxie's fault. Maxie is a crap-ass martyr, to say the very least. And by the way, we all saw Matt and Maxie's relationship before and after Lisa's death. We were not born yesterday, and that was not a loving girlfriend trying to save her loving boyfriend's life.
While I appreciate the fact that this is giving Jason Cook a chance (finally!) to do some serious acting, he'd already been getting that lately in his awesome brotherly scenes with the fabulous Jason Thompson and, besides, this is apparently his exit story. LAME. LAME. LAME. They finally decided to actually use him and make him interesting and... then he's gone?
Apparently all Maxie needs to do is sign a statement saying she witnessed someone else murdering Lisa Niles and she'll immediately be released from prison for... murdering Lisa Niles? My goodness the system is easy to play! And no worries about the series of related crimes and everything else she confessed to, and all the crimes she'd be guilty of if it turned out she had been lying! FREE AS A BIRD! No matter that she helped get a woman murdered and then obstructed justice eight ways to Sunday!
- And Matt is all moved by Maxie's grand gesture now, and it has not occurred to him that (a) if Maxie had just kept her mouth shut nobody would be going to prison for this and (b) THEY WERE ALL ON TRAPPED ON A BOAT AND LISA WAS ON A MURDEROUS RAMPAGE AND HAD ALREADY KILLED A MAN AND TIED PEOPLE UP AND TRIED TO KILL THEM. For crap's sake, it's not like he hunted her down and tortured and killed her. He RESCUED SEVERAL PEOPLE FROM CERTAIN DEATH. The only image they have is him bopping her on the head, nobody has any idea what else went on. No one thinks there might be more to it than, "Eh, he got drunk and thought it would be funny to run around and kill some lady?"
- Even Maxie herself acknowledged that she was an accessory to the murder of an innocent woman, but neither the judge nor the D.A. give a fig about this rather essential detail.
- And perhaps most importantly:
Oh my lord, Téa, please put on something besides that weird apron dress and get your hands off your belly! The baby's not going to fall out!
Okay, that last one might be unrelated to the Murder of Lisa Niles storyline, but it's far more urgent and egregious.