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« The Old and the Dutiful | Main | The Heart of The Matter »

May 06, 2012

Let's Join Our Hands and Say "This AGAIN?!" In Unison

I don't even want to think about how many minutes--nay, hours I've spent trying to put a fresh new spin on the same sentences. Writing something clever about Kelly Monaco spending the end of, literally, every General Hospital storyline ever tied up and looking miserable was easy back in 2006, when it only had a slight "Been there, done that" vibe and Sonny being held at gunpoint got stale a good few years before that. So when this week's run ended with both of those situations happening AGAIN, I rolled my eyes, gritted my teeth and started writing down nonsense sentences like "repeated repeatedly, in a repetitious manner" and planned a few references to Groundhog Day because, yeah: Sam was tied up. And Sonny was held at gunpoint.


BUT! To be fair to the writers, while there is a minor sense of deja vu happening here, these stories aren't total retreads. I mean, yes, Sonny being on the wrong end of a gun is a total rerun of years past, but when you consider that he's so firmly entrenched in a life of crime and is a horrible human being to boot, his being held at gunpoint doesn't happen nearly as often as it could (I would actually be down for a Very Special Episode in which all sorts of Port Charles randoms hold a gun on him and rail at him for being horrible. "All I wanted was a coffee before I went to work and I get stuck behind you for two hours while you try to order a latte. You made me late, you bastard!"). And the circumstances leading to Sam's capture were...well, familiar, sure. A law enforcement agent in this town does something terrible? Imagine that, says nobody, because we don't need to imagine that; we've seen it happen, always. So while the reveal that Ronnie is violent and cah-razy (I say that if he makes it out of this story alive--I know, I know, as if--his attorney could try a defense tactic in which the chemicals in his hair dye are blamed for his descent into mental anguish) was expected, look at the other newfangled things that happened!

Lulu figured out that Ronnie was the mastermind. That's not a typo--LULU actually solved the mystery, not Jason. Then! Cops worked together and SOLVED THE PROBLEM. It was a little bit crazy. Anna contacted McBain and McBain worked with Dante, using clues left by SAM. You guys, women and police officers were portrayed as being capable of thought. On General Hospital. Let's all flail our hands a little bit here, shall we?

(Although, Dante. Really? Really.

McBain: We're going to find him.
Dante: "We"?
McBain: I'd like to help.
Dante: Are you sure you got the time? Last I checked, you were too busy trying to take down my father.

First of all, that's way mature. Secondly, your father SHOT YOU IN THE CHEST. YOU should have been the one to take him down, so let's not whine that somebody else is taking the opportunity to do the right thing).

Speaking of flailing hands, I am just going to say it: I am obsessed with John McBain. Obsessed.

Part of it is the fact that he has an amazing voice that is endlessly fun to imitate (I have made myself hoarse doing my McBain impression to people who do not watch GH and who, therefore, cannot appreciate my genius. But seriously, it is awesome). And part of it is the fact that he says things like this:

Dante: I'm gonna call Jason.
McBain: Why?
Dante: Well, his pregnant wife has been abducted. I think he deserves to know.
McBain: Hey, it's your dime, Detective, but he ain't a cop. He don't belong there.

Amazing, right? Amazing. He shut down Jason involvement in about half a second! Like I said, obsessed. I mean, granted, I don't know anything about police protocol (all I do know, I learned from Law & Order and Lennie Briscoe never ran into any issues with notifying his friendly neighborhood hitman about crimes involving his loved ones, so I am ignorant here), but that can't be how notifying a spouse works, right? "Hey, so this happened. Why don't you and your weapons stash meet us at the Haunted Star, 'kay?"  


Starr, bless her heart, is still clinging to the notion that she can punish Sonny for all of the pain he's caused her. Oh, teenagers can be so endearing with their naivete!


Honey, from one Sonny hate to another: he cannot be killed. He can also not be made to feel guilt or shame, because he doesn't care about other people. So you can rage at him all you want and pull the most painful, contorted faces your cheeks can muster, but just know that he's bionic, probably, for starters and also that he's probably listening to elevator music in his head. 

Well, listening to elevator music written about him, because REALLY, with the self-absorption.

Sonny: If you pull that trigger, it's gonna be even more painful for Michael than if he took the bullet himself.

Sigh. Just...sigh. You should have saved yourself hours of painful conversation by shooting him (or attempting to shoot him since, as we established, he can't die) immediately after he opened the door.

I continue to have no idea what the show is going for with Kate and Connie and their epic, ridiculous crazy. Is it supposed to be dramatic? Am I supposed to find it hilarious? Just tell me how to feel! Because then when Connie does something like have a very public, very loud conversation with the voices in her head, I'll just be able to laugh without regret; right now, I am laughing and then immediately stifling it guiltily, because is this supposed to be sad?!

As Ms. Falconeri attempts to escape from Port Charles, she introduced us to two new friends (and reintroduced us to Sad Mirror Kate, who continues to crack me up with the depths of her malaise. But am I supposed to crack up? I don't know!). First, the airport employee who threw protocol (and common sense) out the window as soon as Connie flashed him.


When she explained away her ID snafu with a sob story about how she wants to travel incognito to avoid throngs of adoring fans (she actually said that! That definitely WAS meant to be funny, right?), and he called her Miss Falconeri with the most ridiculous and inside-jokey tone of voice, it made my day.

And the gal in the airport who loves a good trainwreck made my life.



The way she perked up when Connie started railing about something crazy delighted me, as did her gossipy phone call to a friend.

Girl: Girl, you are not gonna believe this. You know Kate Howard, editor of Crimson? She's in the airport and she's having a full-on meltdown. Yeah, screaming and shouting at herself. Oh, I bet she's on drugs.

She is living out one of my greatest dreams! Seeing a celebrity acting all wacky would be amazing, wouldn't it? Unfortunately, I spend a large part of my life oblivious to the world around me, so something completely insane could be going on right in front of me and I'd wind up seeing it on the news later...



Was I supposed to laugh when the airline employee allowed Konnie to buy a ticket with a pile of cash after flashing her breasts? Because I did laugh out loud. He came off like a cross between SnagglePuss and JabberJaw (okay, lots of Hanna Barbera cartoons as a kid!) I waited for the laugh track!

I get that John needed to shut down Jason being called in but why not call Anna and Luke? Anna is a spy and Luke saved the world from being frozen over! Dante knows he can trust Padilla. Whatever, I wish the story had wrapped up on Friday.

Starr is exhausting. She blames one mobster she doesn't know while trusting two other mobsters she doesn't know! I hope she becomes more tolerable when her father, Todd returns to Port Charles.

Next time Sonny shoot a family member or friend, he can use that excuse! "I would have shot myself, but I knew that would have been much more painful for you!" ("I didn't know we were related" is so last season.)

First of all, that's way mature. Secondly, your father SHOT YOU IN THE CHEST. YOU should have been the one to take him down,

And thirdly, that was so not the time. (Also, what, you mean getting a scratch on the arm wouldn't magically make up for shooting you to kill in the first place? Crazy!) Although technically McBain was right about the Sonny situation, irrationally I can't help feeling annoyed that McBain is now there to teach all the GH cops how to be good ones. Look, McBain, you try being a decent cop in a town written by Guza dude. Although I dunno how they'll make this work if in the long run they refuse to change and/or bring down Sonny.

I can/will live with McBain and Falconari as a crime fighting duo since they are both trained and paid for said crime fighting. BTW Dante??? Jason doesn't care if Sam is abducted by aliens, sodomized by Big Foot and married off to the Loch Ness Monster. It's not his baby, she "cheated" on him when she was drugged and raped. Because of this "transgression" I don't think Jason would piss on Sam if she were to spontaneously combust in front of him.

And Sonny???? He's playing a big ol' game with Star called "Any pain you experience I can experience worse."

Star: You shot the tires that hit the car that went over the cliff and killed fauxCole and Hope. That was my FAMILY!!!

Sonny: Well... My... um... my son, Michael. Yeah, Michael was shot when my enemy shot at me... but... the bullet missed? It... slid across all the grease in my hair and shot Michael instead. He was institutionalized for... like... 3 months and when he woke up he was 18 not 12 like when he was shot.... So, my pain wins. Now, let me tell you all the ways I could have disarmed you but was too lazy.

So??? If you are ever held at gunpoint just tell the pointer all the really bad things that happened to you that makes all the bad shit that happened to them seem puny and they will let you go because you are more tortured. Bam!!!!

I just have 1 request. More Luke and McBain. I want to see how many vampire names he can come up with. I really want an exterior shot of them both and Luke mention how John sparkles so nicely in the sun. I don't ask for much and i'm willing to sit thru Konnie talking to herself and thinking that using the name Kate Howard has ANY cache in the real world.... Boobies do, but not the name of an editrix of a style mag.

It isn't even the fact that the storylines themselves are repetively repetitive (I love the wordplay on this blog)but the fact that Sonny has the same EXACT expression on his face every other time someone has pulled a gun on him and to an extent, when he's pulled a gun on someone else. Seriously, you could take a screencap from every time this has occurred and switch them around and I don't think anyone would know the difference. To be fair, the actor is probably just as tired as the viewers of these scenes but would it hurt to make a few subtle changes?

Escape from Port Charles sounds like the best idea for a movie ever.

First, thanks for posting the picture of Carmen Lo Porto the real OLTL Jack Manning!

Second, it was so cool that John shut down Dante from calling SuperJase.

Third, Sam the supposed "ride or die chick" left clues for the police, but was still an idiot because she could have gone back to her room and called the police about Ronnie!

Every time KS does those weird faces I want to slap her into next week.

You are not alone in your John McBain obsession. I squeal like the fan girl I am every time he appears on screen.

I knew as soon as John uttered the words "...he ain't a cop. He don't belong there" I would see it on here! Yay! finally! Wanna bet Jason hates him even more for it! Yah!

I almost had my eyes "stay like that" as my mom used to say when I rolled them at her, with all of sonny's "my pain is worse than your pain. been there done that" crap. Man, she is on the edge and you are pushing her, PLUS I kinda loved when he said that she was just a little girl and didn't know what to do with a gun and she responded that hey, she's Todd Manning's kid, and she knows what to do (I know it's very hypocritical of me, but hey, I laughed derisively at sonny)

and oh my geehosophat . . . "All I wanted was a coffee before I went to work and I get stuck behind you for two hours while you try to order a latte. You made me late, you bastard!" seriously laughed out loud.

I think I'm in the minority because I have to say that I was sort of enjoying the beating of strippers storyline until John and Sam got involved in it. Their involvement became too contrived, too forced, and ruined the whole thing for me. We have Luke that has been up against Faison, Helena, Frank Smith, etc all of a sudden wringing his hands and all panicking and don't know what to do and letting John do the work while he wait around and not even think to go to Sonny and ask for some of Sonny's men to keep their ear to the ground over Lulu since after all Sonny is usually his go to man when he needs help quickly. To me that came off so reminiscent of Jake kidnapping two (another contrived storyline) where they had Elizabeth and Lucky sitting at home wringing their hands waiting for Jason and Sam to save Jake when we have seen these two characters in the past cross over the Canadian border to go get a kidnapped Emily but just going to let the woman they believe kidnap Jake walk out of the police department while they go home to wait by the phone. I CAN NOT stand when we have seen characters in the past put their lives on the line to rescue a friend, but when it comes to their children, characters are written OOC and y become the sitting by the phone waiting while someone else rescue their child while they are doing the 'I should have paid more attention" BS.

But I digress back to the contrived storyline now. Then we have John getting the picture of Ronnie 5 seconds after Luke and Anna walks out of the hotel and don't say anything to them. Then we have Ronnie who has been going on for months beating these strippers up with no one really realizing it's him, smart enough to frame Eddie, smart enough to frame Dante, but all of sudden he's going to be dumb and cock attitude with John to draw more attention to himself when he's trying to lay low, is going to take Lulu to a hotel still in town and gag her where she can still talk over the gag, leave the remote on the bed so she can turn it up and get attention, leave the phone on the bed within distance then take Sam's advice on taking them to the Haunted Star. To me, they tried too hard to get Sam and John involved in this storyline and it basically ruined the storyline for me because to me they took Ronnie to a whole new level of stupidity whereas this character has been pretty smart up to a point just to get Sam and John involved in a storyline that they really have no business being involved in. To me they should have let it stay within the police department with Lulu (since they are writing her to be the poor man's Nancy Drew), Delores (who actually have something to gain by taking Ronnie down considering he attacked her and then framed her husband), and Dante. Since after all we have watched these people for months involved in this storyline whereas Sam and John is going to be involved in it for all of 5 minutes just so the end results can be people ooohing and ahhing over this supposed magical chemistry that John and Sam have after he saves Sam's life. I see it more with Anna and John and find John more likeable (because I really can't stand this smug ass character) with Anna but that's just me.

I don't get why Dante is all irrational and not thinking where John is the 'level-headed one' when Dante didn't overreact like this when Franco had Lulu and Franco was supposedly a way more dangerous man then Ronnie. But really, I was hoping for it to remain just the PCPD scene, and if they were going to use women to take down Ronnie and leave clues, I would have preferred it be the women (Delores/Lulu, hell I'll even take the Amazon) that we have been watching actively involved from the very start, not a woman that all of sudden gets involved because she's walking down the hallway with bags of cheetos and although someone tells her to stay away from a door because the guy behind it is unstable, she still wants to go knock on the door, pregnancy be damned because she heard a noise.

Friday's GH was a bust. Why Sam/John needed to be involved when Anna/Luke are perfectly capable of saving Lulu pissed me off. Anna/Luke and Dante/Lulu should have been the ones to figure this case out. Can't have that can we now that McBORE has invvaded Port Charles.

No, I'm not obsessed with McBORE. His scenes with Sam are no more interesting that Jason's scenes with Sam. Both Jason and McBORE rely on the same silent borg stance. There is no change. So what if McBORE pays attention to Sam while she shuts her husband out (which is what she's done)? Why is it okay for McBORE to ignore his wife/child just to hold Sam's hand?

The next time Lulu is in trouble, I hope Jason learns about it before Lulu's husband. If someone suggest Dante be notified his wife is in trouble, I will cheer if Jason vetos the idea for no good reason.

Correction in the first paragraph - Luke/Anna and Dante/PADILLA should have been the ones to rescue Lulu.

"I see it more with Anna and John and find John more likeable (because I really can't stand this smug ass character) with Anna but that's just me."

That's how it always is with John. He is only interesting if the people around him have to do somersaults to hide Michael Easton's usual bored face. Kelly Monaco is not that type of actress so it's not going to work as well. So you just have two bored people sleepwalking their way through "How do I know you?" "You know how I know you?" "Jason, Jason...I know you from somewhere...Jason, Jason."

John also has to be the best cop, with everyone else brain dead, because otherwise we wouldn't know how great he is.

Anyone who actually shares a scene with John ceases to exist as a character, because any hint of personality or individual identity will wipe him off the screen. It's why he was a dead spot on OLTL and is about the same here. If people weren't so sick of Sonny and Jason, then he would be a complete flop.

Luke and Anna shouldn't have been in the story hell neither should Lulu who only came into it at the last minute. The real cops who started investigating the case should've been able to do their job(Padilla and Dante)

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