Wednesday's Sorrow and Joy
I knew that when I looked at my DVR description of today's General Hospital and it said, "Spinelli has a broken heart" and I was overcome with schadenfreude, I'd have to just go ahead and indulge in a straight recap of the episode.
So we open with just that. Spinelli, who "selflessly" "rescued" Maxie (you certainly can't use either of those words without quotes in this context) in another attempt to win her back learns that, no, it didn't win Maxie back because none of the times he "selflessly" does something for her in an attempt to win her back ever work. But because he is insane and annoying, he assumed this one would be the clincher. Nope, she married Matt because she found out from a fancy legal book that it means she won't have to testify against him. Presto change-o, they both go free! Because that's totally logical, considering the entirety of her release depended on her testimony against Matt. Spinelli reacts to this with a puppy dog face. How dare she not reward his "selfless" act by getting back together with him?
At the PCPD, Dante and Dolores discuss their mutual incompetence. Or not really, but close enough.
Tracy and Luke are at the boathouse wondering where Anthony's body went.
Anthony is busy being an annoying ghost. Johnny is annoyed since he'd called the cops with an anonymous tip. Kind of like the anonymous tip that got Jason arrested for Franco's murder (meaning the Beecher's Corners police know FOR A FACT that it was Jason!). Jason explains to John McBain that the anonymous tip was from John. John resists, at least for a moment, explaining the definition of "anonymous" to Jason.
Kristina tells her family they're going to be in her Mob Princess reality show.
Luke assures Tracy that Anthony really was dead, so it means someone moved Anthony's body. They accuse each other.
Dante explains to Dolores that Johnny is still the prime suspect in the whole car accident shooting thingamajig, to which Dolores points out that Johnny has an alibi. Dante aptly explains that Carly Jacks as an alibi witness is utterly meaningless because she is a Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire.
Johnny chats with his father/grandfather ghost person and it's dull.
Maxie gloats in open court about her genius plan. I have zero clue why she'd be cocky about this. She's the one who got this case re-opened. And there's the TINY MATTER OF THE NON-LISA NILES MURDER VICTIM, about whom nobody gives a rat's ass. This makes Spinelli a sad sack.
(Which makes me the opposite of a sad sack. A happy carton? I don't know.)
Maxie makes a bitchy comment at Mac about how she read that whole legal book and he'd always said she could be a good student if she'd found a subject that interested her. I have no clue what she has against Mac right now.
Jason further accuses John of having tipped off the papers and the cops about Franco.
The reality TV show debate continues at the Davis lake house (and Sam remembers she was on reality television and it didn't go well -- that pesky Amelia!), and a TV crew shows up.
John looks pretty unimpressed by Jason, who responds with, "What would you do if someone raped Natalie? You would kill him." Not really, Jason. He'd sniff him out with his magical powers and arrest him with a smirk on his face.
Kristina goes ahead and announces on the reality show footage that her dad planted a car bomb meant for Johnny that nearly killed her.
Luke and Tracy have a circular conversation. He asks her to swear on something she cares about that she didn't kill Anthony.
Johnny and GhostAnthony are... oh it's so dull, it doesn't matter.
Luke and Tracy swear to each other that neither of them killed Anthony, so we're back where we started.
Dante and Dolores stop by Johnny's penthouse to talk to him about Anthony.
I feel great remorse for having decided to recap this full episode. I'm fine with soaps having episodes with some dull scenes, it helps me get stuff done and it keeps the plots from moving too fast. I just don't want to be recapping it! On that note, we come back from commercial and there's more on this Anthony business. Tracy stands up and announces that she knows he did it!
The D.A. just goes ahead and lets everyone go home. Sure, first he yells a little about making sure Lisa Niles' murderer is brought to justice at some point, AND DOESN'T MENTION THE ACTUALLY INNOCENT MURDER VICTIM or the fact that this should really nullify Maxie's entire deal, but whatevs. Maxie makes a bitchy crack at the D.A. (again, I cannot figure out why she's being so nasty to everyone) because that's the smartest way to make sure the District Attorney goes ahead and drops this whole thing. Mock him! Well done. Anyway, Mac points out that since there's no statute of limitations on murder, Maxie will basically have to stay married to Matt forever for this to stick. This makes Spinelli pout a little more, which gives me a special kind of joy. (No, I'm not a nice person. Bradford Anderson is a very good actor, but it's been a long time since they gave his character any material that makes him remotely sympathetic to me. Remotely.)
John asks Jason if he's ever considered that he's spent most of his life protecting a murderer, and Jason manages to avoid laughing at him. He doesn't even chuckle and say, "Yes, that's kind of the whole 'mob' thing, dude, we're both murderers. We don't think it's wrong when we do it to other people, duh!" Anyway, Jason accuses John of using him to get to Sam.
Kristina continues to explain to the cameras everything about her mob family. She's a bit annoying, but admittedly it's pretty funny hearing her summarize her family. Sonny is less than pleased about all this.
Tracy thinks Sonny killed Anthony and Luke disagrees.
Alexis gets the message and conveys it to Sam that Jason was arrested for killing Franco.
John points out to Jason that if he loses Sam, it'll be his own damn fault. Jason looks confused, because he is an ass.
Patrick is worried about whether marrying Maxie was the right choice for Matt, who is a bit shaken up right now but thinks this gets his life back, so it must be the right decision. Spinelli tells Maxie she made the wrong choice, but she doesn't think she really had one.
Spinelli yells at Maxie that Matt is a liar and a murderer (I'm not sure why he's not more enamored of Matt, then, because Spinelli is on payroll for liars and murderers and totes adores them!). Spinelli goes on some more about how Matt's wrong for her. He reminds her that at their non-wedding they'd said they'd have a real wedding one day, and Spinelli holds on to that hope (which makes the fact that he broke up with her an odd choice, but this is Spinelli we're talking about and logic has rarely been anywhere in sight).
Johnny tries to further pin Anthony's murder on Tracy and Luke, who are trying to figure out how to get rid of the murder weapon.
Jason runs into Sam in the hallway of the hotel and implies to her that John was the one who called in the anonymous tip against him.
Kristina tells her family they must participate in her reality show or they'll never see her again.
Spinelli asks Felicia and Mac to try to talk Maxie out of the marriage. They don't think that'll work, and later Mac tells Felicia he never thought Matt was good enough for Maxie anyway, and then Felicia and Mac go off to have a drink (!). Spinelli has yet to exhaust his resources, so he runs to Patrick to beg him to talk Matt and Maxie out of the marriage, which he won't do. As Matt and Maxie head home, Spinelli looks on sadly as melancholic music plays. MOVE ON, SPINELLI! I hate watching this, it's been years. Do they seriously think this is the best way to portray this character. Enough already! I stopped feeling sorry for him years ago.
Alexis is upset that Kristina correctly sees that she practices situational ethics (kind of the way Kristina does!) and tries to convince Sonny to participate in the reality show, while Molly asks Kristina to consider how she's hurting everyone. Can someone just explain to her what's going on with Sam? Shouldn't that make a little difference?
John calls Natalie and leaves her a voicemail, apologizing and asking her to hang in there with him.
Jason reminds Sam not to trust cops, even though they wouldn't even be in this current situation if they were the type of people who occasionally trusted a cop or two. But all Jason meant to do was give his pregnant wife a lecture and then walk out again.
Because it's important that that's what she's left with at this moment when her rape is all over the newspapers. My goodness he's a prize.
Dolores and Dante show up to take Tracy and Luke in on "suspicion of foul play in the disappearance of Anthony Zacchara." Dramatic percussion, the end.