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« The Handsome & the Mistaken | Main | Sucks So Good: True Blood 5.2, "Authority Always Wins" »

June 17, 2012

I Am Collapsing Under The Weight of All These Secrets

Remember when the most painful secret Kate Howard was keeping was her secret past as a Brooklyn Italian?


I miss those days. I miss the days when the only things that ruffled Kate's feathers were being called Connie and getting shot because of her involvement with Sonny.

The tragic upon tragic backstory that's recently been re--revealed, I guess, although "rewritten, totally" is probably equally, if not more, apt, is causing me immense discomfort, thanks to Kelly Sullivan's complete and utter commitment to this devastating story. It would be so much easier for me, emotionally, if she could just put in the minimum amount of effort, because then I'd be able to just roll my eyes and say "Well, THIS isn't worth watching" and I could go along my merry way, fast-forwarding and pausing when Sonny is in the middle of saying something (terrible) and has a hilarious look on his face. But, no. She has to be all compelling and it's hard for me to miss it, even when the story is basically a nesting doll of horrible things happening to Kate, and each doll within a doll has an even sillier Brooklyn accent.

This week, Kate/Connie revealed to Ewen (can we talk about his bandage for a minute? It looks like someone taped a kick me sign to the back of his head and then forgot to write the "kick me" part. I don't see it doing much if, say, his enormous head wound opened) through an almost impossible to watch reenactment, that she had been raped as a teenager. THAT's why she never showed up when she and Sonny made plans to run away; because she was raped by Sonny's rival, Joe Scully Jr., and was pregnant, so the girl was dealing with an awful lot of trauma, from the rape to the baby to the immense guilt she feels for leading Sonny to a life of crime. No, really.

Connie: I couldn't tell him. I couldn't tell him! I left him on the corner, standing there. That's when he went to work for Joe Scully full-time. He started working his way up the organization, and then he went to Atlantic City to run a club there. And everyone thought that that was the life he chose. But--but it was my fault. It was my fault because I drove hi to it when I turned my back on him.

Poor Sonny is the true innocent one here, isn't he?

Joe Scully Jr., who we had never heard of until this point but who has compiled a mile-long rap sheet in the two days since he was first mentioned, was filled with immense hate for a teenaged Sonny because his father liked Sonny better (of course) and because Sonny was way stronger than he was (of course). He decided to settle this score by raping Sonny's girlfriend because this is General Hospital and women need to be raped and sexually threatened as often as possible. Think for a second about how many characters on this show have been sexually assaulted. You just shuddered, didn't you? I know that this isn't a problem unique to GH, but it's upsetting all the same. I suppose I should be somewhat thankful that Connie was a teenager when this happened, and not a child. And when that is something that a person is truly grateful for, we are in a bad place, mentally.

Needless to say, to up the soap factor by a lot, Connie got pregnant and kept it a secret from her family, eventually giving birth by herself in a boarding house and abandoning him.

Connie: I left him in one of the dresser drawers. And then I left. And I got on a train, and i just... I let it go. I was never going back to that place, to those memories. They weren't mine. That baby was not mine. It was as if he never existed.

And abandoned he remained, and I am sure he will not soon appear in Port Charles followed shortly after by his villainous father, leading to a climactic battle between Joe Scully Jr. and Sonny, with Kate weeping on the sidelines and McBain glowering (please see below).

Just kidding, that is totally what's going to happen, except that I am reasonably sure that he already is in Port Charles, in the form of Trey, the douchey producer of Kristina's reality show.

I mean, right? What else could those clever--oh, sorry, I forgot the airquotes. "Clever" cuts between Kate and Trey possibly mean?

Trey is pretty terrible, isn't he? He and Kristina are both massively irritating. She because I am sick of her three facial expressions (1. Annoyed 2. Pouty 3. Shit-stirring) and he because his impassioned defense of how HARD Kristina had it at Yale made me so angry that I found myself siding with Sonny. Every single person at Yale ostracized Kristina because of the details of her admission? I am so sure. A smart girl getting into school because her powerful parent pulled some string? I am clutching my pearls so hard, aghast that something like that could possibly happen at Fake Yale! It's not like it happens at Real Yale or Any Other Institute of Learning Across The Country! No, Kristina is literally the only person who benefited from such an act of depravity and she paid for it by being mean girled by each and every one of the six thousand students enrolled at Yale.

I HATE when they give Sonny a foil so wholly irksome that I can't even root for them. Damn this show to tell.


That's sort of a natural segue to the latest Sonny foil, Joe Scully Jr., who is probably one of the most dangerous villains to step foot in Port Charles, if his miles-long rap sheet is any indication; and he was only invented this week, so this much criminality is almost impressive. In addition to rape, Scully is also guilty of murder. Specifically, the murder of John McBain's sister Theresa. That's right, Sonny did not kill Theresa like John has always thought and he swears it on his children's lives (which, Sonny, you basically say all the time as an empty turn of phrase and have used it even when discussing a situation in which you were completely guilty, so!).

Sonny: Joe Jr. Didn't have the guts to deal with me. So he would take it out on Theresa. One night, after the show, he took her in a room, and he cornered her. And I heard her yelling. So I ran in the room. And he had her by the hair. And I said, "Joe, let her go!" But he was out of control... and he shot her... right in front of me. He dropped the gun, panicked, and he ran away like the coward he is. That's exactly what happened, McBain. I swear to you on my children's lives.

So, yeah, McBain, you can take your Sonny vendetta and choke on it, amirite? WRONG! This revelation did little to damper McBain's disdain for Sonny because John McBain is perfect (MALLORY&MCBAIN4EVA!) (and, if he is anything like me, he is wondering why Sonny couldn't have just set him straight about this eons ago. But I guess that would have necessitated both Joe Scully Jr. and Theresa existing prior to this year and also, McBain and Sonny being on the same show), which was a relief. I was worried--I had these horrifying images of the two of them having shenanigans together. Which could still happen, I suppose, but for now, I will just worry instead about how they are going to permanently relocate McBain to Port Charles if his reason for staying in town went up in flames.










@Elizabeth Kerri Mahon: I moved to NYC in 1999 and I think a subway ride was less than $1.50 then!

Your articles are more than wow!

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