The World According to Heather Webber

I think Heather could make a few observations in her column to help everyone understand a few things, details that even that ball of crazy would know are.... off.

- Heather might have a few things to say about Kate's "conditional" charge dismissal. Heather knows from crazycakes, but when she gets caught committing crimes, they actually get her off the streets. Sure it's Ferncliffe and not prison, but boy must it irk her to see Kate's only condition for complete freedom is "outpatient" psychiatric care. Who the hell treats allegedly sociopathic multiple personalities in once-a-week outpatient therapy sessions?? (And she can ask Michael; the local authorities don't really make you show up for your appointments after the first two or three.)

- There are about four million non-John McBain reasons for Jason Morgan (publicly acknowledged hitman) to be on a watch list. Suck it, Jason.

- The new opening looks like someone made it in 1978 as their idea of what 2012 would look like. Holy hell is that cheesy!

- It's already polarized enough in the United States in this general election year. Must we add fuel to the fire by pitting Sam/Jason fans against Liz/Jason fans again? Is that really going to advance humanity?

- Oh look, Trey is Joe Scully, Jr.'s son. In other shocking news, Kristina smirks a lot and Michael thinks Starr is just the most wonderful thing ever. Stop the presses, y'all. (Admittedly, I'm excited to find out what nonsense led Joe to find out about his rape baby son who was left in a drawer in Connecticut and manage to get himself custody.)

- As evidenced by today's scenes, various members of the Falconeri family should actually be involved in one another's storylines. It makes them a lot more likable. (Okay, Heather probably wouldn't agree with me on that one.)

- However, as Falconeris go, Olivia needs to wise up. You know the thing about crazy evil people, Liv? They don't respond well to intimidation. Openly telling them you're onto them is not really the way to stop the insanity. When folks know they're being investigated, it's a heck of a lot harder to investigate them.

- In a lifestyle column, perhaps Heather could explain to Starr and Michael that responding to a messy roommate by vandalizing and throwing away most of his possessions is in fact not quid pro quo to anyone who graduated nursery school. And believe me, I know a thing or two about messy roommates. You don't then have the right to destroy their property. And what's even more offensive? I felt angry on Trey's behalf. Trey! Unacceptable, Afternoon Television Program!

- Starr and Michael are really not a half-bad match (well, for two characters I admittedly do not particularly enjoy), but come on now. Too soon! And sure, it's not as if Starr doesn't have a history of overlapping relationships, but can you imagine the reaction if Patrick got into a new relationship right now? Same elapsed time! People would take torches to Carlivati's house (which for his sake, I hope is not easy to find... pitting Sam and Liz against each other again is going to lead to more crazies following him around here than Katie Holmes).

- Sweet mercy Jason is a terrible hitman! You don't just admit to a police officer that you're about to abduct and off some dude! Oh wait, this is GH. You totally do, and no one bats an eye or presses a charge.

- Did I mention Heather should include a special weekly news feature called, "Suck It, Jason"? Because she should.

Comments

[KatR]

I'm going to be come a Sam/Liz shipper and just piss off everybody.

[Louise]

KatR, one of us! A bunch of my friends and I totally ship Sam/Liz. Their couple name is obviously Sizzle. (And really, who can deny that there are sparks when they share scenes?)

[Kermitklein]

I love Heather. Can't say it too much and yes, she deserves that column. If you paused your television to read what she wrote, she earned her column. Using the word fiefdom in a GOSSIP column. Who does that? Only awesome Heather. Eat your heart out Diane. I still need Olivia to die and I need Heather to kill her off as quick as she killed off Maggie. I get that she's suspicious of Heather but really none of her suspicion is based off the present and for that's what bugs me. Almost every reason she gives Steven to basically hate his mother or throws up in Heather's face is stuff she only have second hand knowledge of and never witnessed. When she threw out "remember what she did to Edward Quartermaine?", I was seriously rolling my eyes and thinking "do you remember what she did to Edward Q considering you didn't even exist in the town of Port Charles and knew nothing about the people of Port Charles". To me, I don't feel like Olivia's motivation for taking down Heather is because she actually thinks Heather is a danger to people. To me, it comes off more and more that she wants Steven all to herself and Heather is a threat to her when it comes to Steven.

I liked the Skate scenes. I know I might be in the minority but I like this version of Skate better than the first version of Skate. I think this version of Skate...Kate has been fleshed out more than the original. Now I get why Sonny was attracted to this girl and now I get why she was attracted to Sonny when with the original Skate...I just did not get it.

This pains me. It really does and it's really not saying much but I would rathe watch Starr and Mikey over Trey and Krissy. The only outcome I'm interested in when it comes to Trey and Krissy is when she finds out Trey is Joe Jr.'s son and how he's been using her. On that note I'm sort of interested in Trey's reaction when he finds out what really went down with his parents, if nothing else but for the sheer pleasure of seeing that smug ass smile wiped off his face when he finds out that his daddy wasn't such a nice man.

I love snarky Jason today and I agreed with him about Joe Jr. As long as he gets what's coming to him what does it matter. And I find myself laughing at John when he tries to be Mr. Upstanding Lawman. I wasn't really an everyday OLTL watcher, but the times I did tune into OLTL, I really remember him letting people he like get away with things when it comes to breaking the law. And the fact that he thinks that Joe Jr is going to prison over a decad long murder that has no evidence and no real witnesses makes me think that he really doesn't care that much that his sister's killer is brought to justice. Over all, it was a good eppy for me.

[Spazzo47]

I have a different idea of what's going to happen with the Trey story. I think he doesn't know he's a mob prince to the second power and it turns out that Joe Jr gave the idea for him to do the show and arranged for Krissy to be the star. I think this could create a compelling quad, if nuKristina can keep up with the other three.

[Louise]

Spazzo47, that's what I'm thinking, too. I don't think Trey is entirely in the know. Of course he knows he has a fake name, so I think there will be some level of deceit on his part, but I highly doubt he knows the whole story.

[Laura E]

Nice theory Spazzo47! This would explain why Trey doesn't seem particularly angry at anyone in PC, he's just a douche bag in general. I know they are putting him on the path to character redemption, but so far I see no depth at all.

[LadyBug]

It was nice seeing Jason in mobster mode versus making shell necklaces on a beach.

Yes, McBain let some of the peeps in Llanview slide (Cole, Marty, Starr, Natalie, etc) slide from time to time when it came to the law.

I am happy to see Starr/KA tone it down, because I'm now seeing the Starr from OLTL.

NuKristina looks so much older than the other three actors.

Heather. I love Heather. How soon before Heather takes down Olivia?

[Laura E]

One more thing. I completely agree that confronting Heather is the WRONG thing for Olivia to do, but why oh why is she still so committed to Dr Steven Lars-- the worst guardian of a mental patient ever. She went from Johnny, who is flawed, but pretty smart and interesting, to a guy who is as dumb as a post. Sorry, I have really wanted to like him, I guess because he's Liz' brother, but the guy has two emotions-- stressed out and VERY stressed out. And his devotion to Mommy Dearest came out of nowhere. Olivia should just ditch him and let him work through his mommy issues on his own, and maybe he could take a chill pill too. Watching the tension in his neck gives ME a headache.

[Elsie]

I don't remember John McBain ever letting anyone slide on actual murder on OLTL. Sometimes he was too lenient but it's hardly the same thing as condoning a hit man's regular activities.

[ziyal]

I much preferred Olivia with Johnny. And Heather is perfection. Robin Mattson is a STAR.

[staymo]

I think Trey stands for Joe the third. I don't think he has any idea about his father's past with the people in PC and is being used by his father to exact revenge

[uliis]

Perfect description of the opening credits.

I don't think it looks bad for Starr to move on faster than Patrick because Starr is a lot younger than Patrick and also as a GH viewer I only saw her relationship with Cole for approximately 15 minutes, literally.

[Chad]

I can buy John not being all that ethical when it comes to his sister's (still alleged?) killer.

And they totally need to make Heather's columns a feature on ABC.com.

[air max en france]

Me gustaron las escenas de Skate. Sé que podría estar en la minoría, pero me gusta esta versión de Skate mejor que la primera versión de Skate. Creo que esta versión de Skate ... Kate ha sido especificados más que el original. Ahora entiendo por qué Sonny se sentía atraído por esta chica y ahora tengo por qué ella se sintió atraído por Sonny, cuando con el Skate original ... yo no lo entendía.

[Janet]

I am just sick of the same old same old. can't the writers come up with a story they haven't already done a thousand times. They just wash, rinse,and repeat.
Sonny and Jason win no matter what. And the cops are tooo dumb to catch the bad guys.maybe because the bad guys are the stars of the show ,and the cops need to be led around by the nose. IAM this close to just shutting the show off in disgust. Let them cancel it.TPTB seem to want to repeat the mob .So let them watch it.