Jax Schmax and Weezie's Wine
Y'all, my last wine-induced General Hospital post went so "well" that I've decided to do another recap in just that manner. (Why did I get so many nice comments? Is it because the deeper into the recap I got, the more wine I'd obviously consumed and was therefore loopier and just a kinder, gentler version of myself? Or maybe I was even snarkier and more cynical? Well, whichever it was, I'm takin' one for the team!) I don't have anything from Laura Wright's winery tonight, so I'm just going to pull something from my monthly wine club -- they send me two recommended reds each month, and it's always a surprise. And I've really only ever been fully disappointed when they go with a dessert red.
Tonight's wine in question is the Tabali Reserva Syrah from 2010. It's Chilean, which I generally dig, so I'm psyched. I'm going to let it breathe until the first commercial break, though.
So here we go!
Jason's at the always-empty mob front restaurant, which makes no sense as an effective front, but then again the mobsters in this town are quite open with anyone and everyone about being mobsters, so who needs a front! He leaves Spinelli a voicemail about Ewen, just as Elizabeth flashes back to her conversation with SuperWiseJason about Ewen. Elizabeth is lighting candles looking obscenely gorgeous, just as Jerry intercepts Ewen outside her front door.
Sonny tells Jason he got a visit from and old friend, just as said old friend (Joe Jr.) gets run into by Tracy and a big pot of food of some sort. Well, if anyone can make this dude interesting, it's Jane Elliot. If that doesn't work, I got nothin'.
Starr and Michael discover that Kristina and Trey "escaped" outside the window, because Sonny provides wonderful security for his children. They're like hawks!
Carly is chatting with Josslyn at the hospital room just as Jax shows up with a giant smile and the twinkliest damn eyes in the world.
"How're my best girls?" Oh em gee. Jax! I am giddy.
Credits. Ads. Wine time! Okay. Hmm. Mmm. Oooh! Okay, yeah. Super-super-dry (Weezie like!) and big. I like it already.
Josslyn lights up at Jax -- the most character she's shown since this new actress started in the role. This is sort of a strange exchange between Jax and Carly since it's allegedly the first time they've seen each other or even spoken since he disappeared. A bit muted. He gives Joss a music box. Crap. I love these three as a family. I'm feeling feelings.
Ewen and Jerry have another conversation that reveals virtually nothing.
Michael insists to Starr that he has to warn Sonny about Trey and Kristina climbing out the window.
Sonny tells Jason that Kate had no choice but to abandon her baby at birth and leave it to die, considering it was a product of rape. Sonny acknowledges in zero way that Jason's wife just dealt with the death of her baby that was also the product of rape (or so they think) because Sonny is afflicted with unfortunate narcissism. (Y'all, GH is so current! They cover all the hard-hitting issues! Do we think Todd Akin watches this show?!) Anyway, Sonny explains that Joe is allowed to live for now.
Tracy helps Joe clean the food off himself and they flirt a bit. CAN THIS PLEASE NOT BE TRACY'S NEXT EFFING LOVE INTEREST?! Joe goes off and Luke limps up and notices how preoccupied Tracy is.
Ads. Wine! Oooh, oaky. If I were a meat-eater, I bet this would go really well with some seriously hearty meat. (That is a ridiculous bet on my part, of course, as I have no idea what meat tastes like or why it would go well with any wine, but you make these things up in your head, you know?)
Ewen and Elizabeth exchange niceties, and he tells her she looks lovely. This is an understatement. She serves him crudite while he starts opening the wine, for which she has at least remotely proper glasses. This show is good at red wine. Wait, where was I? Wine? No, wait. Ewen pours the wine.
Jax tells Joss why he bought her the music box and then asked Carly why "his daughter" is in the hospital.
Tracy tells Luke she was bringing him soup. She asks about Anna, and looks hopeful when Luke says that Anna's gone. (Hey show, Anna's gone. Fix this! Pronto!)
Jerry has decided to invade Joe's room at the MetroCourt. Jerry mentions that he knows the hotel like the back of his hand. 'Cause of that one crazy time he held a bunch of people hostage there and turned out to be Australian, or 'cause his brother used to co-own the place! Either way.
Starr and Michael bicker about how involved he should get in this Trey/Kristina business.
Sonny insists to Jason that he's going to double security, which has helped his loved ones all of never, not once, not ever. Spinelli shows up insisting he has news on Dr. Keenan, which Jason responds to with a sigh and a look that reads as though he's just heard the most tedious news in human history. OH HIS WEARY LIFE.
Ads. Wine! Slurp. I can't wait to see where I am in the last segment of today's recap considering this is seriously wine to be had only with food and I am eating none. I'm moving next week (after fourteen years in this apartment! eek!) and so I confess I've let the cupboards run pretty bare. Except for the dog food cupboard, but I don't think I'd like Beneful as a snack. Wait a minute. The ad for the news just said there's an outbreak of infected tattoos. Crap. An outbreak? Really? I'm going to decide this is hyperbole.
Luke explains to Tracy that Anna is following up on Heather's claim that Robin is still alive. Luke is worried about Anna's safety abroad because of her life as a spy. Someone calls, who Luke thinks is Anna.
Ewen and Liz chat about the whole business with Joss and Alexis getting injected, and Ewen polishes off the bottle of wine. Elizabeth asks about his business at Wyndemere and he wants to know if Jason told her to ask that.
Sonny gets grumpy that Spinelli is investigating Ewen because Ewen was Kate's doctor. Jason explains that he's sure Ewen knows more than he's saying, which Sonny accepts as gospel since it is spoken by the all-knowing prophet hitman Jason. Spinelli says there is a connection between Alexis, Josslyn, and Ewen.
Carly explains to Jax what happened to Josslyn and Alexis.
Jerry tells Joe that it's time to go (or "rock and roll") now that Alexis and Joss are innoculated and Joe needs to make sure everyone in Port Charles is infected with the virus or the whooziwhatsit.
Carly wonders aloud why someone would want to hurt both Alexis and Joss and what their connection is. "Me," says Jax. 'Cause he ain't no dummy! Welcome back!
Ads. Wine. Mmmm. Okay but for serious I am starving. Lean Cuisine, meet microwave. (I'm naming a lot of specific products today, I feel that all these companies should throw me a few bucks for moving expenses, right?)
Starr and Michael have left messages for Trey and Kristina to no avail, so Michael decides to go through Trey's laptop. He insists Trey lost his right to privacy when he took Kristina out a window. Oh, Michael, you do indeed live by your daddy's ill logic!
Turns out Jerry's plan is to contaminate the water by putting the concentrate into the reservoir later tonight. Jerry thinks there's no chance Jax could have made it to Port Charles in time to be in danger or to see Joss, while Jax is at the hospital wondering who might have hurt Alexis and Joss to draw him back to town. He talks about his travel difficulties getting out of Shanghai and he and Carly wonder if those troubles were related to this.
Spinelli blathers on about Ewen's personal history with sheep, followed by sheep puns.
He eventually gets to Ewen's time in Alaska, which Jason realizes is "just like Jax." Can we talk about how angry I'll be if Jason figures all of this out first? Oh, who am I kidding. This is GH.
Ewen and Liz are on their second bottle of wine and our boy Dr. Keenan is getting a little babbly.
Liz tells him he's "one of the most compassionate men [she's] ever known" and he goes in for a big fat kiss.
Luke and Anna's phone call gets disconnected and Luke decides he needs to go find Anna. Tracy tells him he can't.
Ads. Wine time! It's so plummy.
Tracy tries to tell Luke that it's too dangerous for his health to chase after Anna, but finally relents and offers him her jet.
Joe demands inoculation from Jerry, who insists he has him covered.
Sonny is bummed he ever had to hear Jax's name again. I mean poor Sonny, chasing a man out of town and leaving a little girl fatherless just because Sonny was jealous of Jax's relationship with his ex. This is a real hardship on Sonny!
Carly tells Jax she's not sure how Sonny will react to his return, but he insists he does not care about his own safety and will stay in town until he's sure Joss is okay. Seriously? Then he's just going to leave again because Sonny might murder him? And everyone in town is still just a-ok with Mr. Corinthos, including Josslyn's mother and Jax's wife? Afternoon Television Program, I beg of you! Try to make some damn sense! Anyway, on the issue of Jax selling his MetroCourt shares to Kate, Carly hopes that he'll one day enlighten her. Cutest moment ever: Jax says while grinning, "What are you talking about? I've been trying to do that for years!" OH EM GEE WELCOME BACK JAX!!! And off goes the Jacks family to take Joss home from the hospital. Or to the hotel from the hospital.
Ewen basically accosts Liz with his mouth and she tries to put the brakes on.
Ads. Wine! Well, I'm still on my first glass so I probably won't be accosting anyone with my mouth tonight. (Everyone in spitting distance breathes a collective sigh of relief.) This is not a delicate wine, if that's your thing. But if it's not your thing, I recommend it in a big way! And it helps you watch the show, too. Naturally.
Luke is all touched that Tracy will let him use the ELQ jet.
Luke tells her she always comes through when he needs her, and she worries it makes her a sucker. (It does, but I love her.)
Joe gets a text from Trey saying he's on the plane, which is a relief to Joe. And at this moment, Michael finds out that Trey bought tickets to Vegas.
Jason tells Spinelli he needs to "stay on Keenan." I'd kind of like to "stay on Keenan," but Elizabeth certainly does not at this moment. Ewen tries to leave, but Liz won't let him drive because he's been drinking and offers to give him her couch for the night. Ewen is off the rails, dude.
Spinelli makes a Sarah Palin joke about Alaska, where he's just been ordered to go to investigate any history between Ewen and Jax.
Jax and Carly and Joss plan to go swimming in the hotel pool together just as Jerry walks past their hotel room door, all sinister-like on the phone with someone.
The end! Now I'm going to pour myself a second glass of this fantastic wine and eat myself some supper like a decent American. Or something.