Serial Drama

Watch This Space

You guys. You GUYS. To say that I profusely apologize for being an absentee soap-snarker does not even do it justice; I'm completely overwhelmed by feelings of guilt and shame over the amount of half-written posts that have piled up over the week and sat, ignored, while I was distracted by the Olympics and an insane amount of real life nonsense. And the thing is that there is SO MUCH that I WANT to say. I want to squeal over Dante and Lulu, and swoon breathlessly over John McBain, and make a variety of ill-timed references to Small Wonder while talking about Jason, and share with you my ideas for a comedy spinoff starring Heather and Todd. And I planned to do all of that until THIS:

Steve: So, my mother's accomplice wearing the mask -- you never saw his face?

I became all sorts of dumber after having heard this. We're lucky that I am still typing in full sentences and not just drooling on my keyboard, because I could actually feel my IQ plunge. I know he is fictional and that he has fictional malpractice insurance, but I worry about him performing surgery on fictional people and operating on their vital organs. Is there a fictional watchdog group we could inform about his difficulties with common sense? This is a fictional lawsuit waiting to happen.

That Day When Taylor and Rick Spoke Truth to Power

So bizarre, right?

Well, first of all, there were some actually bizarre lines (or line readings) on yesterday's episode. I had to rewind Taylor's line about how Steffy's old college friends could "start a whore on a small island" about five times before I realized she was saying "war," not "whore." Because really, I was wondering what exactly "starting a whore" would entail. She also said of Liam, "If he wants a life of uncertainty, he can have that with Hope all he wants. But if he's going to rely on you, then he's going to have to do the same." The same what? He's going to have to want a life of uncertainty? Couldn't tell you. And then there was Steffy's headscratcher about how she wasn't going to "abandon herself from a life of dissipation," which I assume meant that she wasn't about to ditch her life to go live out some hedonistic fantasy on an island somewhere, but what peculiar phrasing. Abandon herself from? Maybe I heard that one wrong, too.

Since I was clearly having hearing troubles while watching the episode, perhaps I also misheard the most excellent words from the most unlikely sources, but can we just take a moment to bask in them nonetheless?

Taylor's truth-telling was pretty simple, but it never hurts to be succint around there.

Taylor: I'm sorry, I don't trust Liam. I like him, but he can't make a decision and then stick with it.

Truth! And sure, Ridge responded with some nonsensical comment about how Taylor used to say the same of him, which is how he knows this time is going to be different. (Huh? Ridge was still waffling just over a year ago! Shouldn't this mean he knows they have decades of Liam changing his mind ahead of them?!) But it still needed to be said. I'm so sick of both mothers of the women in this heinous triangle rooting for their daughters to "land" this loser who's also in love with another woman.

The End of My B&Bleeping Rope

What can really be said that hasn't already been said a thousand times? But of course since Brad Bell doesn't seem to think there's anything wrong with the show saying everything one hundred thousand times, perhaps it bears repeating.

Liam: You know you sound like Steffy. This is exactly what she said last night.

Bill: Steffy was here?

Liam: Yeah, but nothing happened. I mean --

Bill: Good. That's probably for the best. 

Uh-huh, uh-huh, okay, Liam. Sounds great. Stand-up guy, right? Poor heartbroken thing, right?

Just in case any of us have a different dictionary from Liam Spencer's, I'll now take this moment to show you his definition of "nothing happened."

Those are some seriously creative linguistics.

Monday One Liners

It's not that I planned to take a blog hiatus, although in retrospect I probably should have, because this happens every two years. Every two years, I suffer from what can only be described as Olympics mania. I eat, breathe, and sleep the Olympics. I talk about them to anyone who is willing to listen and will settle for talking about them to anyone visibly uncomfortable but without a means of escape. I do dorky/awesome things at work like create a medal count bulletin board. I daydream about the US Swim Team. And I pretend to seriously debate between watching General Hospital and watching water polo; water polo always wins.

And when I DO tear my eyes away from the various NBC channels long enough to watch and blog about General Hospital, I do ridiculous things like trail off at the end of a sentence and ask questions like, "And then Sonny said--wait, Rogers and Dahlhausser WHAT?" (but really, Rogers and Dahlhausser what?!) or--and I think this is even more embarrassing--write "witty" sentences incorporating Olympic events. Like talking about things going "swimmingly" and how John McBain has "vaulted" into my heart and there have been a lot of "diving" puns and I attempted a tortured metaphor using the uneven bars to describe my feelings on Jerry Jacks and it's...it's sad, isn't it? I wouldn't blame any of you for pretending not to know me.

That was a very long-winded and potentially humiliating way of me explaining that GH has not exactly been high on my priority list lately, mostly because of the above and also because...a little dull, yeah? There are bits of goodness and the potential for entertainment, but, like, whenever Trey speaks, it's like time stands still.

Jason Schmason and Carly's Wine

In this ever-so-special-and-fancy post, I'm going to kick things up a notch and recap the show as I watch it and as I try the third and final wine from the three-wine package I ordered from Laura Wright's winery Standing Sun (check out Serial Drama's Facebook page for my very unsophisticated thoughts on the Blanc and the Syrah). Tonight is the GSM, which is not a blend I have very often so my thoughts will likely continue to be unsophisticated (should have looked for a Pinot Noir or a Zin!). And my thoughts on the show may get increasingly unsophisticated as the recap goes on, depending on how this wine hits me! Bear with me, or grab a glass yourself!

Here goes.

Dante is continuing to question Lulu about the future of their marriage. She is not answering the question.

Ewen is on the phone with his dastardly accomplice/boss/brainwasher/blackmailer/whatevers. Liz walks up.

Flashback to Sam and Jason discussing Todd.

Sonny shows up at the Floating Rib to talk to Jason. I hope Sonny plays strip pool with Jason and drinks a lot of tequila.

Trey wants to take his makeout session with Kristina to the bedroom.

Lulu and Dante continue to have a tense discussion. Why are we back on this storyline already even before the opening credits? Weird.

Speaking of which, opening credits. Blissfully brief.

Ads! Wine time.

Oh! I like this! This is much, much better than the other red I tried (the Syrah). It leads with big cherry. Yum.

Alexis and Sam are having a little mother-daughter time outside Kelly's. Sam gives Alexis (and reminds the audience of this joy) the good news that Mob Princess is no longer happening.

Sonny is drinking Dark Ale, according to the bottle, and telling Jason all of Kate's deepest, darkest secrets. He wants Jason to tighten security for his kids because of Joe's threats.

Trey is confessing his "feelings" to Kristina and she looks a little skeptical and practically starts crying when he kisses her.

Liz, looking crazy freaking hot in this little red top, tries to find out what's bothering Ewen. She tells him she'd never ask him to breach doctor-patient confidentiality and then immediately asks him to divulge details about his treatment of Patrick. Soaps!

Dante reminds Lulu that they are family now, what with being husband and wife and all. Lulu's crying about what a terrible wife she is. She doesn't understand how they can last when they're going in different directions career-wise. You know, because everybody in a successful marriage works at the same place.

Ads. Wine time! This is the 2009 GSM, by the way. It continues to be very tasty. Just got nice and earthy.

Lulu tells Dante she'd been concerned for a while about how protective he is when she'd rather be more of a risk-taker. I love Dante in this relationship so much. I can't stand his stuff with Sonny, but I just melt when he looks at Lulu.

Liz and Ewen continue to discuss Patrick needing to deal with the loss of Robin. He clearly feels guilty about what he's doing, further convincing me he's doing it under great duress. Seriously, how is Liz this hot?