First Dates and Famous Last Words
Since I have a nasty cold (that half the city seems to be sharing with me) and am all manner of doped up on cold medicines, I'm going to recap General Hospital today as I watch. The idea that I could somehow watch, take notes, and put together some sort of cohesive post on a specific topic is... it's just out of my realm right now. And hey, who knows what kind of loony halluncinations I might come up with because of the meds? I'll be like Olivia and able to see the future! Right?
Jason and Sam, mid-lip lock. She asks what they're doing.
Anna is busy on her Blackberry while Todd lingers in the interrogation room at the PCPD, explaining to Anna that he has intimacy issues (damn straight he does!).
Oh wait! She's on his smartphone, and plays him back his ring tone for Heather (the excellent "Crazy calling!").
Carly frets over Johnny and they cuddle. I feel nothing. Carly wonders why Kate wants to have her wedding reception at the Haunted Star.
Connie plays Excited Kate for Sonny's sake and tells him the paper she's holding (the one we saw Johnny sign yesterday) is a surprise for him.
Patrick, shirtless (thank you Frank Valentini!), tells Britt on the phone that he'll meet her at the Floating Rib for their date. He answers the door, still shirtless (thank you Frank Valentini!) to what's-her-name. The one with the big glasses who acts like Molly used to.
Britt adjusts her dress at the GH elevators and tells Liz she's got a hot date. Liz, who looks two feet tall next to this Britt person, says that she's lucky.
Britt is surprised that a "pretty girl like" Liz would be single. (Britt, you should congratulate her on that since at the moment her taste in men is terrible.)
Speaking of which, Jason tries to kiss Sam again and she tells him she has to go. Some physical contrivance yields the divorce papers. Jason blinks. Once.
Credits. War Games! Oh, I don't know. The opening credits look like that movie's era is all.
Sabrina (that's her name!) acts like an idiot and "accidentally" tells Patrick his eyes are beautiful. Patrick is oblivious to her drool.
Liz tells Britt that the fella she's got eyes for is unavailable. "Make him available," says Britt, explaining that when one sees something one wants, one must go for it. Okay, seriously, I always knew Becky Herbst was a petite li'l thing, but she looks three feet shorter than Britt.
Jason notices that Sam already signed the divorce papers, but of course he gets interrupted (by John texting him that he has the DNA sample of the baby), so they don't discuss it.
Anna continues to question Todd about Heather. Finola Hughes is a living goddess.
Sonny's doorbell rings and Sonny kisses Kate before answering, and Konnie makes a "so grody!" face afterwards. Maxie charges in with wedding business, and Sonny does not understand what a pu pu platter is. Admittedly, I also do not know what a pu pu platter is, but I doubt it has anything to do with poo. Because I have heard of it. Because I live in the world.
Johnny convinces Carly to go pick up Chinese because (a) he needs her to leave the house so he can do boring things to wrangle Connie or Todd and (b) the show needs an excuse for Carly to run into Sam while Sam has the aforementioned divorce papers. Which Carly will notice, because people on soap operas never conceal important documents or, like, pregnancy tests or whatever. They just carry them around in their hands for all the world to see.
Sonny thinks that Maxie's reception plans do not sound like Kate. Maxie says he's right, they sound like Connie.
Commercials. My GOD, will Sonny realize Connie is out? No. No, he will not. The suspense is decidedly not killing me.
Sure enough, Maxie tells Sonny her "Connie" comment was in reference to the integration.
Anna continues to question Todd, which means Finola Hughes and Roger Howarth continue to act opposite one another in a scene and I am therefore a happy girl. Todd pretends that he felt for Heather because he can relate to the whole world thinking you're guilty of something (he doesn't add "....and in both our cases, the 'whole world' is often right"), and that he offered her the job because his sister has dealt with prejudice against those with mental illnesses, too. He gets a call from Johnny, and Johnny's incoming call icon on his phone is a grinning donkey.... so, a jackass. Sounds right to me, although I think if a dude killed my granddaughter, I'd have less of a sense of humor regarding his incoming calls.
Carly runs into Sam, and remembers that Sam and Jason were married at that very Chinese restaurant. Please, like Carly forgot anything about the day Jason married another woman. Carly accuses Sam of passive aggression (Oh, Carly, clean up your own house!) and Sam shows her the divorce papers.
John gives Jason the DNA sample and fills him in on some of the background with Tea and Todd. Wouldn't John be better suited to find someone to run the DNA sample? Nevermind, mob assassins are best when it comes to medical issues.
Patrick introduces Sabrina to Emma and Emma is just the cutest ever, as always.
Patrick tries to explain to Emma why he's having dinner with Britt and why she has to stay with a totally weird stranger because that is fucking scary for a child. Patrick heads out and Emma's face is just... I cannot deal.
Sabrina tries to engage her, but Emma runs off (as I would). Sabrina notices a photo of Robin and Patrick. Patrick, meanwhile, is outside... miserable and nervous about going on a date, and Jason Thompson is just awesome as always.
Emma comes out and pouts adorably at Sabrina and I just could not love her more. Sabrina tries to suggest activities but Emma is NOT HAVING IT. She runs off to pout cutely at her darling little crafts table.
Naturally, Mac is at work, which is where Patrick and Britt are on their date. Patrick had thought Mac was in Niagara Falls with Felicia. Oops! Britt tells Mac that she was an attending physician at a big hospital in Boston and transferred to PC for something more personal. At some point this show is going to have to decide between its "such a small town!" dialogue, and the freaking CGI skyscrapers in the opening credits and the window views. I'm just saying. Britt tells Mac she and Patrick are on a date. Mac is nonplussed, and Patrick explains that Mac is Robin's uncle. Britt then orders a white wine spritzer, which is just unacceptable on every level. I will take this as an indicator that we're to hate her. Patrick tries to save face with Mac, who warmly assures Patrick that this is okay. Meanwhile, Patrick's phone rings and Britt answers it. DOES ANYONE DO THIS IN REAL LIFE? I cannot imagine what kind of mortification it would involve if someone else answered my phone. Or I answered theirs? Who does that?! (I know, I know, soap characters, that's who.) Obviously it's Sabrina because we haven't finished the contrivances and cliches checklist for today's episode. Sabrina is worried for Emma, and Britt demands that Sabrina's job is to set limits.
Konnie tries to cover with Sonny and tells him she meant Pan Asian and Maxie is just dumb and ordered Chinese. Or something. We get the point.
Anna dismisses Todd, who circles back to tell Anna that this interrogation was very pleasant. Anna assures him that she'll find out if he's hiding something, and her interrogation session was not as pleasant.
Carly insincerely tells Sam she's sorry about the divorce. Sam tells Carly that Jason and Elizabeth have reconnected.
And now we SHOCKINGLY learn why Jason has the DNA test, and it's because he runs into Liz and tells her he has the DNA and that he's sure Sam's baby is alive. Liz gets really excited about the idea of Jason giving the baby back to Sam, and wonders what it would like for someone to give you back a child you thought had died. YES WRITERS, SO PLEASE DON'T MAKE LIZ PULL DNA SHENANIGANS HERE, SHE WOULD NOT FREAKING DO THAT.
Sabrina and Emma continue to butt heads and Emma throws a temper tantrum and I can't even begin to handle how cute she is.
So it turns out Britt is a vegetarian, which makes her such a total asshole, right? She's already proven that she thinks she can get nice wine at a dive bar, and then has the nerve to try to order vegetarian food. So she eats broccoli. Seriously? Uh, I happen to be one of those asshole vegetarians and I have never met a dive bar with food that can't give me some freakin' grilled cheese or french fries. Anyway, Sabrina calls Patrick about Emma's tantrum and he decides to head home. This time, Britta is very "understanding."
Carly starts bitching at Sam about her "double standard" regarding Jason and Liz (because of her and John) and forgets that she is the queen of the double standard -- she is the woman, after all, whose husband was raped and she considered it cheating (and mildly amusing, I might add), but when she slept with her ex it was because they had the sads and that's allowed. Anyhoo, Sam points this out to Carly, who retorts that she has "owned" what she did and mocks Sam for crying over a divorce she says she wants. Yeah, because if you think divorce is the right choice, it's NEVER SAD OR HARD! Ugh. Carly tells Sam that she hopes John McBain "knows what he's in for" (what he's in for: woman who hopes for a little support when she is raped and ends up pregnant), and that she feels a little sorry for Elizabeth. I don't really know what that means, but Sam counters that Liz needs no sympathy and has been waiting "a long time" for Jason and now has her big chance with this divorce. (Uh, this has been supported in no way on the show for the last few years. And I understand that Sam saying it could just be paranoia and doesn't mean it really happened, but Sam never showed any concern that Liz was sitting around waiting for Jason -- because she wasn't. Why must they pit these two against each other again, dammit??!)
Speaking of Elizabeth, she offers to put the DNA test through under her name. Jason agrees. Please no bullshit here, please. Please.
Todd shows up at Johnny so the two of them can exchange wry insults and sneers. Johnny tells Todd he needs to "neutralize" Connie.
Sonny and Konnie get all cutesy about the wedding and he tries to seduce her. She says no.
There is another Johnny/Todd scene in which nothing occurs.
Anna fills John in on her questioning of Todd. She tells John she can prove Todd is lying.
Carly gives Sam some death glares and tells her to stop jerking him around. Sam wonders if she and Jason are "meant to be." Sam, why talk to Carly about this!
Anna tells John she knows Todd visited Heather at Ferncliff a few days before her escape. They're trying to figure out this connection, and (a) I just love Anna and John together and (b) John starts to figure some things out.
Konnie tells Sonny there's to be no sex before the wedding because, you know, for Connie? Sex with Sonny is gross.
Patrick comes up and Sabrina is all apologies. She tells Patrick she thinks Emma just misses her mother. Patrick says he does, too. I just... even though the Britt/Sabrina introductions were abrupt and silly, I have to say I like that their overly-abrupt intros mean that this is still a story about Patrick. And his grief. It's been a long time since I've seen a soap really address the more... normal version of losing a spouse and trying to move on. Frankly I love that he's not off on some adventure hunting her down or avenging her death. He's just being a human who has lost the love of his life in the worst possible way and trying to figure out how you just "go on." And as he's played by this particular actor, it's even more moving than just the material on its own. After the ads, Patrick and Emma cuddle and he apologizes for scaring her and also asks her to apologize to Sabrina for scaring her. And Emma is very agreeable now. Sabrina sort of cutely tries to taunt Emma with chocolate milk, and it works. Patrick is charmed and invites Sabrina to stay for treats.
Anna figures out that John is already working with someone on this Todd situation.
Todd tells Johnny he might help him with Connie if Johnny finds Heather.
Sonny and Konnie kiss goodnight (I think maybe it's clear by now that I'm spelling Konnie with a K when she's also pretending to be Kate and just with a C if we're dealing with a scenario in which her identity is actually known) (or maybe I'm just doped up on DayQuil).
Carly tells Johnny she hopes Sam and Jason actually make up, which you would not have known from her chat with Sam.
Sam plays with her figurine or whatever it is.
Liz tells Jason she gave the DNA sample and asked for a rush on it. Liz leaves the room and, of course, has a super ambiguous look on her face. Don't do it, Afternoon Television Program. DON'T DO IT. It is beneath you and the character!
Time to switch to NyQuil?