Marriages to End, Thwart, and Begin
If I were married, I'd totally save today's episode of General Hospital to watch on our anniversary every year. So romantic! Sam talking to John about divorcing Jason (on their anniversary), Alexis hoping to get Kristina and Trey's marriage annulled (oopsie, it's consummated!), John talking about the restraining order his common-law wife and baby-mama has against him, Connie twirling her D.I.D. mustache regarding "her" wedding to Sonny, and Sonny explaining to one of his thirty-four babymamas that he's about to become stepfather to his son-in-law.
And oh yeah, and the divorce that happened off screen that Carly told Johnny about, the one with which I take the most umbrage. Last we saw Carly and Jax, she was telling him it's time to sign the divorce papers... and, scene. And next we see it's another day and she's just filling in her lame new douchebag boyfriend about it? Look, I know in a way Carly and Jax ended their marriage on screen about 47 times, but dammit, this was the only hint of a pairing that Laura Wright's Carly has ever been in that I could get behind personally (and yeah, yeah, I know the whole objection about how the show made Jax the loser in that relationship at every turn, but they're under a new regime now that I trust more on that front, and I'm a sucker for Laura Wright and Ingo Rademacher's chemistry, regardless of writing). And this is a couple that's been a major pairing for more than half of the past decade. They couldn't give us scenes of the two sitting down to sign the papers and saying goodbye? What's worse is that I find it impossible to care about the stakes here. Johnny's going to lose Carly when she finds out what he did to Cole and Hope? Or when he goes along with whatever plan Connie has for him? I cannot find a way to muster up a damn about Johnny anymore, which bums me out because I used to find him uber-charming. And worse, the union of Carly and Johnny has never rung true for me, not for one second. It looks like he needed a mommy figure and she's around to provide nurturing. This is not because of the age difference -- please, I like an older woman/younger man coupling a lot -- but they seem so forced to me. Am I the only one who feels like they look like they're playing house or something? And it's weird because neither Wright nor Barash is an actor who usually has trouble selling anything. And this whole storyline hinges so much on the stakes of this "great love." And I'm just left with a big fat shrug.
Across town at Casa de Contrivance (aka the apartment of Trey and Starr), Kristina did that annoying soap thing where she emerged from the bedroom in the dude's shirt and put on a big show of canoodling with her man in front of the other person in the scene to make the point that they have done the nasty right before.
Have any of you ever done that? No, really. I cannot imagine the brass balls it would take to come out of a bedroom half-naked and kiss up on some dude with an audience of one standing there. Also, the self-delusion. Speaking of self-delusion, I thought the consummation of the marriage was going to serve as a roadblock to the annulment, but instead... Kristina really is as dumb as she looks. She's decided since, during their fake marriage, she and her boyfriend had good sex once? They have a real marriage, like forever. I mean really? If every time I ... oh, nevermind. Let's not go into all that.
Speaking of things I can't get into, Tracy "falling" for another asshole is not my idea of a good time. Admittedly, Tracy and Joe have some legitimate chemistry, but we all know if Sonny says Joe is a bad guy, he's a bad guy. And I realize she kicked him out at the end today, but that's clearly not the end of it. Wait, I said I couldn't get into that. That and how dumb-as-a-brick we must suspend disbelief for Maxie to be in terms of buying into Connie's explanation that she all of a sudden has an overdone Brooklyn accent and a taste for leopard print simply because she's integrated. That, on top of the fact that Starr found out this whole Joe/Trey business and neglected to mention to Sonny and Michael that Trey came home in tears about an incident with Kate. Come on, now! Too easy.
Eh, I'm bitching an awful lot while I'm still sincerely finding the show a damn good time, and I sure don't expect to love everything. Today's episode just happened to feature a lot of my biggest pet peeves front and center. Tomorrow? Heather! All is forgiven! Well... we'll see.