Serial Drama

Tears. So Many Tears.

OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS. OH MY GOD.

I just spent the past ten minutes trying to write a sentence that adequately expresses just how I felt about today's General Hospital and I'm having a difficult time of it because--are you sitting down? Please do, because what I am about to say is shocking and I'd hate for you to read it and then comically pratfall and not just because I'd be sad to miss a hilarious pratfall, but because I worry about your safety. Okay? Sitting?--it's nearly impossible to convey my state of utter bliss (and because I'm unhappy with the portmanteaus I've tried to coin combining "verklempt" and "goosebumps" and "ohmigodthisisamazing!"). This episode was spectacular. I am actually fretting--fretting!--over not being able to watch the next show until late tomorrow night. I want nothing more than to sit and have an epic marathon of this week's shows and clap my hands at the pure soapiness in every single scene.

Of course, when I have said marathon, I'll need a full box of tissues because--my heart, you guys. My heart. It aches right now. Michelle Val Jean's Tweet will break your heart and when you sit down and watch today's show...can your heart re-break? I think it can, because I think mine did.

Tracy: Patrick. My father wants Emma to have this.
Patrick: I-I can't accept that. There's protocol.
Tracy: Forget protocol. We're playing by Quartermaine rules now, and if a Quartermaine steals it... a Quartermaine owns it, so I stole it for Daddy, and Daddy wants Emma to have it.
Patrick: Monica--
Monica: I really don't know what you're talking about. I just know that a vial of the antiserum has been misplaced.

And when Emma (who had broken my heart for the first time by asking "If we don't get better, will we get to see Mommy?" OH MY GOD, could I cry any harder? No, no I could not! I set records! I could be an Olympic gold medalist in weeping!) took the antiserum and Edward...you guys. YOU GUYS.

I am a mess. A complete and utter mess, with streaked-mascara and a pronounced wheeze. Every single second of this was perfect and John Ingle is perfect and I have spontaneously burst into tears three times while I typed this up.  Damn, this show can be great sometimes.

Things I Want To See More Of, Part I

1. This.

Seriously. Rebecca Herbst and Kelly Monaco have always been dynamite in scenes together and, while I do not need them to be in regular catfights ever again, I love them as reluctant allies. They make great frenemies. (Yeah, yeah, blah blah Jake blah blah, Liz is so evil or whatever, Sam is so evil or whatever, etc., etc., Liz/Sam internet wars ad nauseum to infinity and beyond, but I like it! Hell, the most popular and beloved love story in the history of daytime was between a rapist and his victim. Things can be made to work when the right players are involved.)

Perhaps Jason's imminent departure will give them a chance to come together in new ways that don't involve him? This is my great wish.

2. This!

Kirsten Storms back as Maxie! I mean no disrespect to Jen Lilley, who did a terrific job in Storms's absence, but let's be fair: Maxie-as-Crazed-Martyr was not a particularly attractive storyline for that character. This return is helping to give me a little amnesia about all that! A very warm welcome back to Kirsten Storms, as well as the warmest wishes to Jen Lilley in future career opportunities! Ms. Lilley dealt with a lot of heinous backlash when she first showed up, but I think her vulnerability and commitment really won over a ton of the audience. She probably already realizes that soap viewers' good will tends to travel! And Kirsten Storms brings a real edge to Maxie that has been sorely missing -- a smarter edge, a pricklier edge, but one that has more wounds to hide.

The True & the Awful

Yesterday was a red letter day indeed, because I could relate to Bill Spencer's reaction to something.

 

In cased you missed this spectacular little piece of storytelling, that's a photo of the graffiti Hope had Thomas spray-paint on the outside of Liam's house. A heart with a Spencer sword stabbing through it. (By the way, Thomas is tall, but that was impressive. And fast!) To which Bill had the only possible human reaction:

"Are you freaking kidding me?!"

I wish it were a joke, Bill. I really do. But the joke's on us, the audience.

Anyway, Bill correctly pointed out how obscenely immature that was (naturally with no self-awareness of how obscenely immature it was to fake someone's brain tumor so your son wouldn't divorce your former concubine or to, you know, trap someone in a gondola). But then he went on to be his usual "jackass of the highest order" self. Which, as usual, Katie scolded him for but will then ignore.

In better news, it was finally a new day! Hope's not running around town in her wedding dress and cardigan anymore!

Richest in Money, Richest In Comic Timing

Maybe it's for the best that I deleted today's episode of General Hospital as soon as the recording ended (it's like a reflex for me at this point, driven by a desire not to have GH tainting my innocent DVR and before you start on your "You do realize that your cable box is an inanimate object, don't you?", I'm just going to tell you that there was a point in the summer of 2008 that my DVR just spontaneously stopped recording the show. Coincidence? I think not, okay? I think not. And anyway, I'm trying to break myself of this habit, especially now that the show is, you know...good), because I probably would have watched it endlessly until I could recite the entire exchange between Todd, Carly, Tracy, Sonny and Johnny, and then I'd go around reciting it endlessly and it would drive everybody around me mad with worry and annoyance.

This also means that I couldn't do a rewatch to get a finer grasp on what happened during the first half of the episode, which got interrupted by a weather report, or during the non-1% parts of the second half of the episode, which got interrupted by my rage stroke at Steve Webber who is a self-righteous douche of a douche, but let's be real: we all want to talk about Todd. He makes everyone better. Even SONNY was FUNNY!

Kate: Did you stash [Joe Jr.] in the trunk?
Sonny: Hey, I would never use my own car!

Todd: You are still married to a very handsome, very tall, very blue-eyed billionaire.  are still married to a very handsome very tall very blue eyed billionaire.

Todd: Oh, look, Johnny, there's a kid's table. Help yourself to some soup.

Todd: It's like It's a Wonderful Life, except starring Joe Pesci.

Johnny: You know that cash that we stashed at that place next to that thing where we buried that person?

Todd: You do know where Jimmy Hoffa's buried, don't you?
Sonny: I'll tell you later.

I love laughing at this show on purpose.