The World According to Bill Spencer
Oh, Bill. That lovable rascal! He's certainly been in top form these last couple of episodes, hasn't he? First, there was that bizarre speech he made at the end of Monday's episode after strong-arming Liam into eating rare steak he didn't want and drinking his twelfth glass of wine.
Bill:It's no secret that I want you two back together. With Hope, you've been regressing. Liam, come on. That's not what being a Spencer is about. Look at these women. Katie, Steffy -- Spencer women -- two of the strongest women I know. With Katie, you have love, strength, guidance. Isn't that what you want, Liam? You had it when you were with Steffy. And you could have it again. A true partner. Hope turned you into a boy, but you're not a boy. You're a man. You're a Spencer. Start acting like it.
And the women just kind of sat there in silence letting him blather on. You know, because they're so strong. And Liam, the "man," just sat there in silence as well. Because he's so tough that he lets everyone else on the planet tell him who he is and what he wants. And Steffy is a Spencer woman now? Bill! YOU ARE CREEPY.
And then yesterday in some warped verion of Pygmalionfrom Hell, Bill forced Liam into smoking a cigar (because that's what men do) and drinking port (because that's what men do) as once again the women sat around virtually silent (because that's what strong women do). When Katie told him he couldn't smoke the cigar indoors around her (what with her being preggers and all), Bill told Liam that's what women do -- they try to control you, and you must not let them succeed. After which he did exactly what Katie had told him to do and went outside for the cigar.
During this little man-to-man chat, Bill explained to Liam that he must not try to measure up to other expectations and should just be himself. And then Bill tried to turn Liam into someone else entirely, because Bill really just wants Liam to live up to Bill's expectations and, in fact, not be himself at all. Thankfully Katie later pointed this out, reminding Bill that he's just trying to turn Liam into him.
Which Bill naturally denied, as well as denying that he's trying to push Steffy and Liam together. Yes, Bill, it's clear that inviting Steffy to your family dinners and referring to her as a Spencer woman and telling Liam he should be with her is not trying to push them together.
He also insisted that he'd be just fine if Katie left him and took the baby, because he'd just train himself to live without them. Hopefully he'll have to do just that. I like the pairing because Heather Tom and Don Diamont are just so damn good together, but it's agony watching her be such a doormat to this piece of crap. I think a little bit of heart and soul-crushing might be just what the doctor ordered for our friend Bill Spencer.
And oh yeah. This happened:
Because Liam is such a swell guy who has treated Hope so well, he kissed Steffy the day after his latest botched wedding to Hope. I'm sure he'll conveniently leave that out the next time he begs Hope to take him back. Because he's such a man. Wouldn't we all love to be blessed with a Spencer man? Kind of like a hole in the head?