Capital D Drama
If Sonny Corinthos had even the most minimal amount of sense--I know, I know, those are probably the most ridiculous words I have ever typed. The braying laughter you're doing is a little much, though--he probably would have given up on the institution of marriage sometime in the late 90s because it has never once worked out for him; in fact, it's usually gone horrendously for reasons such as "car bomb" and he has no soul". But the man must be a romantic (or a narcissist--I mean, come on, a huge party thrown in his honor every year or so that involves a woman asserting how lucky she is that he loves her?) at heart, because he just keeps trying.
His latest attempt at everlasting ("everuntilthenextsweepsperiod-ing" just doesn't have the same ring to it, so go with it) love, this time with Kate, who is actually Connie, which is blatantly obvious to anyone with a handful of observational skills, was endlessly dramatic.
There was the drama of Connie revealing in her thick, sort of Brooklyn/sort of Shakespearean accent that she can't marry Sonny because she's married to Johnny, because of blackmail and implausibility and she got a couple of really good digs in about Sonny being a monster and a bully, which is something I always like to hear, even though she did get these digs in at the highest of volumes with uncomfortable facial contortions.
There was also the drama of Kristina being kidnapped and nearly murdered; the most dramatic part of this spectacle was me clasping my hands and saying, "Please, please, please, just kill her". I know--it's a horrible thing to say and how hypocritical am I that I spent so many years railing against General Hospital for wantonly killing characters and now I'm begging for Kristina to be killed off, and so on and so forth, but imagine how amazing Nancy Lee Grahn's Emmy reel would be! That and the dramatic increase in my secondhand embarrassment would be worth it for me.
That spiraled into the drama of a wounded Joe Jr. asking Tracy for help and, somehow, radiating charm despite a character history that can be summed up as sleazy, at best, and absolutely loathsome at worst. How can that be? Is it because Jane Elliot is magic?!
Then there was the drama and the almost suffocating heavy-handedness of Starr and Todd's conversation about honesty and betrayal.
But most haunting was the drama of Carly's dress.
I...I understand that fashion ineptitude and wretched taste is one of Carly's defining traits, but this was just ill-fitting and flammable looking. I barely paid attention to her scenes with Johnny because I couldn't hear any of their words over the sound of of Laura Wright saying, by blinking in Morse Code, "I'm fit and hot, so how did they manage to find the one dress that doesn't fit me? Please send help".
Check back this weekend for a full recap of Sonny's misery! I will do my best to be diplomatic and not end every sentence with a celebratory exclamation point.