Serial Drama

The Day the Soap Blogger Broke

Some days I think I really just must be the easiest audience member to please. All you have to do is bring back a character that got killed off over 20 years ago and reunite him with the love of his life! Simple dimple! I mean okay, getting these two back on the show together was a hell of a coup, but I couldn't help thinking this one mildly hilarious thing: just last year this particular head writer got me with practically an identical story. A favorite soap couple of mine that I'd long since given up on ever seeing together again shared a screen, shared past memories -- even a story of many years of captivity and the deceit of an impostor who had learned personal details while sharing that captivity. 

Sure, this time there was no undead evil mother who was running a rogue CIA operation and brainwashing her twin sons, but we can't have everything, can we?

Instead we just got a classic, wonderful performance from Finola Hughes and a heap of sorrow and lost years and chemistry that broke my heart into a million pieces.

I've melted.

And while it wasn't perfect (when is it ever?) because of the cloud of Duke's knowledge that Robin is alive (and why, which we still don't know), and of course it was torture to watch Duke lie and ask after Robin and ask who she's grown up to be (especially since the Duke/Robin relationship was one of my favorite adult/child bonds basically ever on TV), it was still riveting television because... well, Finola Huhges.

(And here was about where I broke completely.)

 

Capital D Drama

If Sonny Corinthos had even the most minimal amount of sense--I know, I know, those are probably the most ridiculous words I have ever typed. The braying laughter you're doing is a little much, though--he probably would have given up on the institution of marriage sometime in the late 90s because it has never once worked out for him; in fact, it's usually gone horrendously for reasons such as "car bomb" and he has no soul". But the man must be a romantic (or a narcissist--I mean, come on, a huge party thrown in his honor every year or so that involves a woman asserting how lucky she is that he loves her?) at heart, because he just keeps trying.

And failing.

His latest attempt at everlasting ("everuntilthenextsweepsperiod-ing" just doesn't have the same ring to it, so go with it) love, this time with Kate, who is actually Connie, which is blatantly obvious to anyone with a handful of observational skills, was endlessly dramatic.

There was the drama of Connie revealing in her thick, sort of Brooklyn/sort of Shakespearean accent that she can't marry Sonny because she's married to Johnny, because of blackmail and implausibility and she got a couple of really good digs in about Sonny being a monster and a bully, which is something I always like to hear, even though she did get these digs in at the highest of volumes with uncomfortable facial contortions.

There was also the drama of Kristina being kidnapped and nearly murdered; the most dramatic part of this spectacle was me clasping my hands and saying, "Please, please, please, just kill her". I know--it's a horrible thing to say and how hypocritical am I that I spent so many years railing against General Hospital for wantonly killing characters and now I'm begging for Kristina to be killed off, and so on and so forth, but imagine how amazing Nancy Lee Grahn's Emmy reel would be! That and the dramatic increase in my secondhand embarrassment would be worth it for me.

That spiraled into the drama of a wounded Joe Jr. asking Tracy for help and, somehow, radiating charm despite a character history that can be summed up as sleazy, at best, and absolutely loathsome at worst. How can that be? Is it because Jane Elliot is magic?!

Then there was the drama and the almost suffocating heavy-handedness of Starr and Todd's conversation about honesty and betrayal.

But most haunting was the drama of Carly's dress.

I...I understand that fashion ineptitude and wretched taste is one of Carly's defining traits, but this was just ill-fitting and flammable looking. I barely paid attention to her scenes with Johnny because I couldn't hear any of their words over the sound of of Laura Wright saying, by blinking in Morse Code, "I'm fit and hot, so how did they manage to find the one dress that doesn't fit me? Please send help".

Check back this weekend for a full recap of Sonny's misery! I will do my best to be diplomatic and not end every sentence with a celebratory exclamation point.

The "Youthful" & the Hilarious

Isn't it great how well is show is appealing to the youth market? It's just so young and hip and fresh, with all these super-cool folks in their early twenties runnin' around like the youngfolk do bein' all down and with-it!

I mean look at Liam and Steffy, who are pretty damn cutting edge as far as the youngsters go. They're constantly playing hooky from work! They ride a motorcycle! They dance about in sprinklers!

And you know what's the most "now" and trendy about them?

They love Bob Hope! 

They adore Frank Sinatra!

His favorite movie is To Kill A Mockingbird! 

Her favorite movie is Roman Holiday!

They high-five over puns, y'all! THEY HIGH-FIVE OVER PUNS.

You just don't get much more current than that. Boy, this show is really onto something. Not only do they just get today's youth, they're now establishing themselves as trendsetting tastemakers! (You know, for fifty years ago.) (Author's disclaimer: I am too old to be cool and even when I wasn't too old, I was never cool. I can't pretend to know what's hot with those crazy American kids these days [can't they get off my lawn, though??], but I do occasionally know what's not. e.g., Bob Hope.)

Happy Freakin' October!

Y'all. Y'all. I cannot even deal. I mean I'd love to take some serious time and talk about how absolutely perfect Kelly Sullivan was in just her first 20 seconds on screen today (can we make Connie 50% less nymphomaniac and then just keep her and drop Kate completely???) or how cool it was that Elizabeth 'fessed up to part of her machinations (and perhaps more tomorrow?) and how great Rebecca Herbst was in those scenes or about how Ellie is, like, my new favorite fictional character ever because she calls Spinelli by his first name and requested that he actually does the same for her -- you know, like a regular human being! These things are awesome. But I can't think about these things. I don't care about these things. I only care about one thing anymore.

THIS IS ALL I CARE ABOUT ANYMORE.

Oh my lordie. So hot, that kiss! The slow burn into it, that music, everything. I need a fan. I've taken to using one of those smushed-couple-names thingies and I never, ever, ever do that. I am done for.

Seriously. This is all I care about. 

Well, okay. This and baseball.