A Visit to TV's Beverly Hills
I don't have the faintest idea what's possessed me to do this instead of writing about today's General Hospital or The Bold & the Beautiful but... wait, I do. More Sandy coverage meant they didn't record and I have to watch them online, and can I just whine about all the pausing I have to do to take notes while watching an episode on the computer I'm using to take said notes? LIFE IS SO HARD.
So instead, I'm sitting down to something that did record. And hey, it's a soap, so I'll write about it. I don't know how many of you watch 90210 (as in the new version, not the original decade-long parade of bad fashion and smug behavior and general awesomeness), but I admit it. I do. It was god-awful for the first two seasons and then it shifted somehow and stopped trying to be something it wasn't and embraced its ridiculousness. And then another weird shift happened where I started loving the characters I had hated (Naomi and Ivy, for instance) and loathing the characters I'd loved (Silver and Adriana, for instance). Sometimes I hate-watch, sometimes I snark-watch, and sometimes I actually find myself being genuinely entertained.
Now the embarrassing truth is out there. Monday nights don't offer much amusing television, and tonight's How I Met Your Mother decided to stop being a rough copycat of Friends but with a fun gimmick and better continuity and mythology and turn into Friends, Part II with just not even a hint of an attempt to hide it (okay, I did like the little dog). So here I am, sitting down as Naomi, Annie, Ade, and Silver sit down to some salads. Naomi's talking about how she has to get a Brazilian before hubby Max returns in two hours, which seems like not enough time to let the burning and swelling go down but whatevs. I hear waxing in Bev Hills is magic! Ade and Dixon, apparently, are going to start focusing on their careers again so at least there will be something to fast-forward soon!
Apparently Silver's little nude photo session has gone viral and some dude sends champagne over to the girls, which by process of elimination means Annie has to be the one to go say hello to this guy. Poor guy. He didn't know!
Liam apparently has a supermodel for a professor. This supermodel is very unimpressed with him, so I wonder how long till we see some gratuitous scene of Liam dry-humping her up against a chalkboard.
Something's going on with Adriana and Dixon and their "career," which somehow involves that dude Adriana was boning when Dixon got rammed by an eighteen-wheeler, which is about as exciting as... nothing. But I think his name is Taylor?
Silver is all offended that the nude photos of her are out there, so she gets all smug and pious about it because she is Erin Silver and it's kind of her thing. Her sister went through that phase, too, but at least her sister had unfortunate haircuts and smugmeister Brandon as things to blame.
At least Silver has nice hair this season.
Colin, the dude from the bar, uses his fancy computer skills to remove all of the nekkid photos of Silver from the worldwide web. And yet Annie still turns him down for a date!
Liam's storyline for this episode is apparently something terrible like his new co-star is young and hot and wants to take her clothes off around him. This is very distracting for him because he really wants to do well in school, even though he really should mostly be focusing on the girl he accidentally killed a few weeks ago. But hey, no matter. Dude's not deep.
Naomi has taken Max to a high-end campsite that offers up massages and wine tastings and the like. Max is less than pleased as he'd expected "real" camping, as apparently he has never met his wife. And naturally, somehow the rest of the boy half of the gang turns up to go camping as well, which results in Dixon throwing a hissy fit (do you think Tristan Wilds ever watches these episodes and maybe always has to chase it with a Season 4 or 5 episode of The Wire just so he can live with himself? Or maybe he just counts his money?), and Liam being "missing" and his co-star launching some big search for him so she can get publicity. Liam eventually learns an important lesson from said co-star, who thinks he's a spoiled brat because his movie career fell in his lap while she worked for six years (SIX YEARS, Y'ALL!) to be a big movie star. Naomi also learns an important lesson from Max, who knows that she and Alec kissed because Alec... gave him a photo of it? Allegedly Alec set her up to prove that she'd cheat, and he doesn't necessarily buy that but he definitely thinks if she really trusted him she would have told him. She begs for his forgiveness and I hate this because, seriously, Naomi and Max are like my favorite thing ever.
Also, Ryan Lochte was there. There's not really anything else to say about it, because it wasn't happening for any other reason.
Meanwhile the other gals take pole dancing classes to help Ade prep for her for-some-reason pole-dance-based video she's rehearsing for, and Silver seems impressed with herself (look, if this evolves into some storyline where Silver realizes she's been lame but is really a latent exhibitionist and goes into exotic dancing, I will be way happy, you have no idea). Later, Silver reflects on how nice it was to be called beautiful online when her nudie shots were still available -- with no mention of her child modeling days! Omigah, Kelly and David and Jackie got into SO MANY FIGHTS about that! And eventually Ade rehearses her pole dance privately for that dude Taylor she knows full well is trying to bone her, but somehow she just can't help but dance all sexy-like (and awkward-like) right into his lap. And then she's so sorry, but she has to go! WHERE IS THIS GOING, Y'ALL, IT'S SO HARD TO TELL?!
Oh and Dixon and Navid had a falling out and Annie went out on a date even though she's afraid anyone she dates will find about that whole time she was a hooker and all. Naomi has an evil plan (look out, Alec). And sure enough, Silver goes and signs up for what appears to be the most conservative amateur stripper night in SoCal! Nice.
Well, this at least killed some times so I don't have to watch more pundits making election predictions!
So... is Ivy officially off the show? And will Annie and Liam ever bond over both having killed someone?