Serial Drama

And I've Found My New Ringtone

This happened, dear readers. I swear to the deity of your choice, it happened and it was GLORIOUS:

Michael: I'm sorry Dad, but you have no one to blame but yourself.

MICHAEL! The normally loathsome, oft mob-worshipping, usually selfish punk said that to SONNY. And Sonny responded with a stare that was filled with devastation and anger, but mostly confused. "Sorry? What that means?" And it was a magical moment.

Was it more magical than the OTHER amazing thing Michael said, angrily, to his father today? How can you really differentiate between perfect and flaw-free?

Michael: You can't always use force to get what you want. It might have worked with AJ, but--
Sonny: Why are we talking about AJ?
Michael: Because you made him give me up by using threats and violence. THe same thing you're doing with Connie right now.
Sonny: There's no comparison! The situation's different, Michael!
Michael: AJ always told me this was your M.O.

Who knew that Michael's new M.O. was awesomeness?! Sometimes I love things.

Home Again

Things are feeling right over at General Hospital these days. And in some cases, it's simply because it's just so wrong.

Normally I'd just throw out a "the less said about the Kate/Connie fiasco, the better." But I could not help but chuckle when I realized Sonny had Connie kidnapped and tied up against her will so that he could "get through" to Kate.

I also had to chuckle when we were subjected to a completely sincere Sonny asking Connie why she doesn't like him. And then I had to chuckle again when Connie answered the question as if we hadn't been hearing the answer for several months (Sonny's a selfish asshole and got Kate shot on their wedding day, for starters). And then I had to chuckle yet again when it turns out the answer is something totally different -- that Connie blames Sonny for Kate's rape by Joe Scully, Jr., since Sonny should have protected her. So just kidding about one of Connie's only good qualities -- appropriately hating Sonny for things he should absolutely be hated for -- and hinging this whole headache on some sort of "damsel in distress" syndrome where if Sonny actually could do the job of a man and properly protect the helpless lady person, all can be forgiven! Oh, Advil ain't gonna help this one.

I won't waste too much more blog space on this as I'm certain it is no one'sfavorite storyline, but I'd be remiss if I did not mention a few things: these scenes yesterday were not bad. They weren't badly acted or badly written. In fact, Maurice Benard and Kelly Sullivan are terrific scene partners -- I don't think they have a shred of romantic chemistry and I also think the way her Kate is written is blander than dirt, but the two of them are good acting partners and obviously enjoy working with one another. And I appreciate that we're being shown that, unlike most of the Port Charles townsfolk, Sonny remembers that Kate is in there and so it's pointless to just stand around being verbally abusive to a symptom of a mental illness. This is supposed to be some evidence of his great love. But you know what? They could have done these exact same scenes in a therapy session. Thatwould have gone an awfully long way toward convincing me that Sonny actually loves this woman and is even acting out of something other than pure selfishness. But this OLTL carryover notion seems to always be that audiences just get such a hoot out of watching those darn slutty alters forced into submission. Kidnapping, binding, and gagging a woman who has a mental disorder due to rape trauma isn't funny to me. We've seen this ridiculous business with alters enough that I can't feel any actual moral outrage over it anymore. I'm just bored. Sonny is an ass even when he's not being an ass. There's some weird comfort in that. At least I don't feel the need to pay much attention to his scenes anymore.

Well, They Can't All Be Victories

For the past few months and, most especially, the past couple of weeks, I have been absolutely besotted with General Hospital and if that conjures up images of me batting my eyelashes and giggling demurely at my television, well, it should. Because I adore it. I have been talking about it relentlessly, to those who watch it and those who don't ("I made a doctor's appointment for the 12th..." "Are you talking about General Hospital?!" "...no." "Oh, well, since you brought it up--" "I didn't. Oh my god, are you BLUSHING?) and the slightest bit of traffic on my commute home completely ruins my mood, because I so badly want to get home and watch my recording.

Yesterday's episode continued the streak of adorability. Maxie and Lulu's somewhat absurd surrogacy conversation made me smile. I didn't fully hate the tortured and wholly unrealistic vocabulary during Spinelli and Ellie's scenes together. And I found myself aww-ing at Molly and Starr, even though the former has always irked me and I have absolutely no feelings about the latter unless "For the love of god, child, stop pulling those faces!" counts as a feeling.

And the Quartermaines! Oh, the Quartermaine squabbling made me feel right at home, even though my family is much more functional than the Q's have ever been. The discussion of ELQ Stock and, well, Wally Kurth's face gave me flashbacks to the golden era of this show. The reading of the will was equal parts humorous ("I guess Mr. Quartermaine preferred Big Bird to Oscar the Grouch") and awful--every time Tracy stridently and incredulously gasped, "Daddy is making me share x percent with my ragtag extended family?!", I became a little more suffocated by the growing dread that she would be left nothing and that the two of us would just melt into a puddle of humiliation, hers public and mine secondhand. I almost couldn't watch the very end, where it was confirmed that, nope, Tracy got nothing, but I was afraid to miss it because...well, because Jane Elliot has a hold on me.

Almost perfect, right? Then came the record scratch that is Kristina.

Whenever this girl is onscreen, I cringe. I'm sorry! I feel so mean saying it, but it's true. The writing and the recast have made me completely forget everything I ever liked about Kristina and the WTFness of her squawking in the midst of an otherwise perfect episode was glaring. The "sudden" realization she had about Joe Scully Jr. actually made me mute my TV.

Kristina: But that doesn't make sense. Why would your dad give up his only chance of survival -- no. Your dad had a thing for Tracy Q.? And he saved her life?

Sudden is in sarcastic airquotes because it actually took her about AN HOUR to deliver that line in a robotic monotone and move her eyes around wildly to convey "epiphany". It made me uncomfortable and also made me fervently wish that Trey wasn't the one leaving the show. And it's not like I care even a little about this half-assed history rewrite (I don't think ANYONE does, except maybe Erik Valdez and I think he was more interested in job security than the character itself, because he is a human being). I just think it's unfair that the person TRYING in this scenario is the one to exit and take with him lines like "My mother hates me even more than the day she left me in the drawer". It's a cruel world.

Farewell, Stephanie Forrester

I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving weekend!

Today is Susan Flannery's final air date on The Bold & the Beautiful, so I thought it fitting to just do a straight recap as I watch, since there is no organization of shallow thoughts or silly exclamations that I could come up with on my own that would feel respectful of this actress and her impressive career (which I certainly hope is not over!).

With that said, excuse me for a moment while I go grab just a little wine and a lot of tissues. I'm not super-confident about my ability to get through this like a grown-up.

We open with the sun shining through the trees and with Brooke and Stephanie looking out at the lake and the mountains. Stephanie is coughing and trying... to take off her wedding ring, it looks like?

Hope shows up at FC in an owl sweater. An owl sweater. What? Or rather, why?

 

Because They Want Us To Have The Turkey Day Sads

(Or the Tofurky Day sads, in my case.)

Warnings have come for all the feelings I'll be having during today's General Hospital, so I decided to recap as I watch it so that I'm basically watching it with Serial Drama readers. So I'm not alone. Right? YOU GUYS ARE WITH ME HERE, RIGHT?

Deep breath. 

Here we go.

The DVR did not catch the first bit, but it looks as though Patrick got a call from Monica about Edward's health. Robert Scorpio (!) shows up at the door, and Patrick looks displeased. As one would when one's father-in-law skipped one's wife's funeral. (At some point, I might stop using Robert Scorpio's first and last name and might ease up on the exclamation points, but let's not hold our collective breath yet.)

McBain visits Sam.

Starr is crashing at Michael's apartment for now, and she is doing so on the couch. Good lord. I mean more power to 'em if they don't feel ready for sex yet, but they can't even sleep in the same bed? And Michael explains that he's a mental mess right now as some sort of justification for why he's not ready for sex, making him the first young man on the planet who ever decided he should not have sex because he's upset about something.

Carly and Connie bicker, and AJ shows up at the Q mansion just as Tracy and Monica are also bickering.

Credits! Ads!

I should eat. That's a lot of multitasking, but I just wanted to throw out that disclaimer just in case some Smart Ones Macaroni and Cheese gets on the blog post. Just wipe it off with a cloth, it'll clear right up, don't worry. (I hope my dinner description erased any illusions of my luxurious Manhattan lifestyle!)

McBain is trying to prevent Sam from driving herself nuts in the whole search for Jason.

Connie and Carly and Todd are... nothing, really. It's dull.

Sonny is filling Alexis in on AJ's release from jail, just as AJ gloats to Tracy about his release. Sonny complains to Shawn and Alexis about Michael defending AJ.

Michael explains to Starr that AJ is worse than his parents (with no mention of how AJ wasn't off doing maniacal shit like kidnapping kids till Carly and Sonny spent years taunting him about how he could have no access to his son, which might drive someone a tad nuts) (also no mention of the lots of human blood off of which his adoptive father lives), and Starr counsels him. Like she does.

The Odd & the Naughty

Well, Alley Mills has just killed me once again. Lock 'er up, officers!

Upon hearing that Stephanie has made an exception to her "I will see none of my loved ones but Eric until my passing" policy, but learning that the exception was made for Brooke and not for her, Pam... well, she:

Can someone not give this woman a hug? I love the way Alley Mills plays her so much when they give her material of actual substance. It seems odd to use the word "guileless" for a woman who's constantly up to shenanigans and trickery and deceit, but it's strangely apt. And I find that guilelessness so heartbreaking and endearing.

Less heartbreaking and endearing is the inanity going on over at Bill's house. Now look, I'm a lifelong soap viewer and I'm well aware that one character accidentally walking in on another character naked to create sexual tension between the two is, like, Soap Staples 101. And that's fine by me. We need these staples. They're not going to surprise us and subvert the genre 250 times a year.

See? Cute. Standard stuff. And fine with me. I do not want them to move forward with this pairing, but it's clear that it's happening. (It's a little hysterical to me that Taylor ran to Katie to warn her that Brooke and Bill are getting closer, as if that wasn't precisely Katie's long-term plan.) But we've only just recently gotten over our PTSD from the whole "Cha cha cha!" corniness -- must we now be subjected to months and months of "stallion" references and competely on-the-nose NEIGHING sound effects? No, for serious. Because eww.

In Which I Am Soapily Thankful

Traditionally, giving soapy thanks was a near impossible exercise and most of my examples of gratefulness were snide and sarcastic: "I'm thankful that General Hospital is on only five days a week, rather than seven". "I'm so grateful that the show gave Abby so much screentime, because her stories gave me ample opportunity to get housework done with no distractions". "Thank you, James Franco, for playing Franco and making me realize that Freaks and Geeks is no longer an absolutely perfect show*".

But now? Now, I AM thankful and have seriously contemplated sending Ron Carlivati a cupcake platter or half of a Best Friends Forever necklace. A short list of things I am thankful for, from one episode alone (please note that this list basically exceeds the General Hospital "Bests" of Serial Drama's entire lifetime):

• The epic awesomeness carried over from Friday's episode during which Elizabeth realized that the man Olivia was describing was none other than Cesar Faison. Dun dun dun!
• Robert Scorpio musing, in all seriousness, "Am I sure that Faison faked his own death and came back dressed up as Lavery in order to win Anna's love?"
• Robert Scorpio in general.
• Michael (!!!) continuing to be one of the brightest lights in all of Port Charles, possessing both common sense and a willingness to call out the town's hypocrites, most of whom are members of his immediate family:

Michael: Okay, let's say there's a cop who was shot by his own father. And when the time came to testify, he lied and he said he accidentally shot himself. That -- that would be perjury, right?
Dante: Yeah.
Michael: And this cop, he didn't really know his father that well. He wasn't sure if he could trust him or not. He just didn't want to be the one to send his father to prison. Now I can see why he made that choice. Can you?  

• Kirsten Storms and Bradford Anderson did some impeccable work that will play quite nicely on their upcoming Emmy reels, and I don't say that lightly. As much as I adore Storms (and I do!) and, uh...have respect for Bradford Anderson as an actor, they both tend to lapse into shtick: shrill and babbling, respectively. But today, they were restrained and moving and it was all just really, really good.
• The hot like fire chemistry between Kelly Monaco and Sean Kanan that distracted me within, like, eight seconds of them sharing scenes together today. What? They were crazy hot! They were!
• The fact that I know what is coming tomorrow and Wednesday, so that I can sit down with a box...okay, fine, BOXES of tissues and Visine and plenty of water so I can rehydrate. Oh, Edward Quartermaine and John Ingle, I am weeping for you already!

*Just kidding, Freaks and Geeks will always be perfect, as anyone who has watched Freaks and Geeks knows. And if you haven't watched Freaks and Geeks, what on earth are you wasting time reading this blog for?! Exit your web browser and hunt down the DVDs immediately.

Goin' Traditional for the End of a Soaptastic Week

Just sitting to watch and recap General Hospital right now -- this time it won't involve wine (as many of my straight recaps often do), but I'll happily live vicariously through any of you who want to drink wine while reading it!

After overhearing Sabrina talk about a doctor who she's hoping for a chance with, Patrick asks her who it is (much to her confusion, as she thought she'd been busted). Olivia is telling Steve about how she saw a vision of Duke with another man's face, while Lulu is trying to explain Olivia's LSD-driven hallucinations to an understandably skeptical Robert Scorpio. Faison is about to open the door to Anna, but then of course Anna announces herself from outside the door -- so I guess it's on with the creepy Duke mask! Maxie explains to Spinelli that she wants him, and he feigns misunderstanding and looks pouty. Michael goes to see Sam and mentions that his bio-pappy is back around, while said bio-pappy shows up the Q mansion -- presumably out on bail?

Credits! Ads!

Oh my lord this episode is jumping all over the places, none of these scenes are even a page long. But they're doing this cool thing where Faison is speaking in Duke's accent (aka Anders Hove is mouthing the words that Ian Buchanan recorded, and it's not a half-bad sync).

Sabrina fakes that the doctor she's crushing on is Steve. Patrick gives her the only look anyone could possibly give a human who just said those words.

Even Liz is all, "Really? Unconvincing cover, Sabrina, my brother is way lame."

Maxie explains to Spinelli that he's "her Mac," which surely gives him great hope for the nature of his romantic future with her. Anyway, she says she's in love with him and he is agape.

You know, like he does.

Michael tells Sam that AJ is locked up and Sam, the mob hitman's wife, insists that AJ deserves to be locked up.

I'm Not Made of Stone, Here (A Photo Album)

First, big apologies for not having posted about The Bold & the Beautiful in almost two weeks. Truth be told, it's hard to tell if there's that much interest in B&B posts (the last one got more comments about GH on it than anything else!) -- that, in addition to the fact that the show doesn't generally vary too wildly from day to day, plus my tendency to save up a few episodes and watch in bulk? Well, that all adds up to slow posting.

But I couldn't let it go unaddressed one more day. Is there much to really say, through all the sobbing? Not really. Stephanie's dying, they're stretching it out and milking it for all it's worth, and it's sad as shit. Eloquent, right? I don't think my heart can take another episode of the entire cast crying, since we all know full well about 10% of that is acting (if that). But it really is a lovely tribute to 25 years' worth of storytelling for this character, as well as to Susan Flannery herself. Beyond being a great and stalwart talent, she is clearly beloved by her co-workers.

Seriously, though, did they have to break out freakin' "Danny Boy?" Who the eff doesn't cry at "Danny Boy?" Robots? I don't know. Frankly I always find it hysterical on TV when some internationally known music act comes to perform at some private party for no reason other than a paycheck, and it always takes me out of the action completely because it's just weird.

Celtic Woman has always creeped me out a little, I confess. It's not that they don't sound beautiful -- they do -- but there's something about those dresses and the hair that just feels like some creepy Gaelic Automaton of some sort. Nonetheless, they laid it on thick with "Danny Boy" and the manipulation worked on me perfectly. I'm a sucker, even when it comes to Gaelic Automatons.

Interestingly (and appropriately, considering) only one character really got any one-on-one with Stephanie at her goodbye party (which was officially her last time seeing any of her non-husband loved ones) (I know she's in future episodes, but I mean according to in-show logic). Brooke and Stephanie shared a lovely goodbye in which I'm pretty sure Katherine Kelly Lang was about to break down completely.

Stephanie: I need you to take this family forward, you know that, someplace where it's just filled with happiness and with love. Okay? I'm going to leave tonight. You have to accept that. After the party, okay? After we've had all our laughs and all the good times, and then Eric and I are just gonna slip out quietly. Okay? And we'll get in the car, and we'll drive away. Of course, when I do that, that means -- that you're going to be in charge of my family, because it's now your family. Okay?

Is It Weird To Give My TV A Standing Ovation?

It's...disconcerting.

A person is technology deprived for quite a while, thanks to weather related-madness (the one-two punch of a devastating hurricane followed almost immediately by a freak early-November snow storm was more than a little bizarre. And now I lost one of my favorite soapy cliches to snark on: the weather sweeps stories that, based on season and climate, are completely improbable! Because NOTHING is improbably when it comes to weather. Al Roker SCOFFS at my naivete) and then scrambling to catch up on time I lost from weather-related madness and all of a sudden, General Hospital is not just good, but fantastic. And maybe not even fantastic, but amazing. The show has been on a creative upswing for quite a while, clearly, but the past few days have been golden-era great, to the point where I actually (not really) (well, kind of) started to consider the plausibility of time travel--could I have gone back to the early 90s? Because Faison and Duke and Sean Kanan and Anna as the heroine of the show! But if I had, why has the cast aged and what happened to so many of the Quartermaines? So many questions! This is why I tend to shy away from science fiction novels.

So it must be true, right? The show is just THAT GOOD. I've been getting texts nonstop these days from friends who consider themselves reformed General Hospital fans. "Oh, you still watch that?", they'd sneer. "I gave up in 2005". And now they're texting things like "OMG, did you see today's GH?" "I LOVE THIS SHOW!" and "All of that was awesome!"

And it IS awesome. The Faison reveal--which I think we all knew was the most likely explanation for Duke's unbelievable non-Dukeness, but be predictable all you want, show, when a reveal is revealed in such a ridiculous manner--just felt right, like this is how General Hospital should be: filled with Duke masks, and secret identities, and Anders Hove overacting to the nth degree. And Duke is alive. And so is AJ Quartermaine, which is filling Carly and Sonny with all sorts of rage and fury...okay, that part is totally status quo, but Michael's reaction to all of this is a nice surprise! I had forgotten what it was like to watch one of his scenes and actually hear his lines; for so long, they were muffled by the sound of my inner monologue saying, "God, I hate this punk" repeatedly.

Michael: I AM involved in this.
Dante, who...I can't adequately describe just how much self-righteousness was dripping from these words. It was a little bit insane: Why? Because he's your biological father, you think you have some sort of obligation to him?
Michael, admirably restraining himself from saying "I KNOW YOU ARE BUT WHAT AM I?": It's not that simple.
Dante, clearly high on drugs: It IS that simple. He's a criminal and he should be put away for the rest of his life.
Michael: It's easy for you to say, you've never been locked up.
AJ, clearly thinking "Who in the what now?": ...
Dante, disgusted: He shot his own father in the back.
Michael and I in unison, although his delivery was more like "Hey, this is my trump card" and mine was a shrill "OHMIGOD HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SCREECH THIS?!?!?!": And your father shot you. Or have you forgotten that?

I am in love with this show right now, you guys. In love.