80% of Feeling Good is Looking Good
Okay, that title isn't really all that relevant, but when I turned on my TV before turning on the DVR for today's General Hospital, that was a direct quote from some sort of men's hair club commercial and I almost died laughing. 80%, you guys. Empirical fact! STUDIES HAVE SHOWN! And so I couldn't help but experience the entire episode in this context.
For instance, Trey doesn't look half bad. Sure, he's got some dark circles around his eyes, but he's a pretty boy. Brain dead? C'mon! When you look like that, chances are you feel good.
Carly has looked fabulous for two weeks of episodes. Seriously. Ridiculously fabulous. That hair! The sort of night-before smoky-eyes residue! That cute jacket! Plus she's a little less made up than usual, so her freckles are showing and I am a fan. And she always looks cute in jeans. So what's she feelin' so bad about? Please! Just because she just found out her ex-boyfriend killed some kids and blackmailed her current boyfriend, who it turns out swapped her friend's live baby out for a dead baby and is like the world's worst grandfather and was blackmailing her ex-boyfriend right back... I mean that's no reason to feel bad.
So 20% of her current state is not so great. She looks good, and that's 80%. Quit whinin'!
(And hey, shout out to this excellent sequence:
Sam: Sounds like you saw yourself in Todd. (laughs) You should've known that was a huge, huge mistake, Carly.
Carly: You know you can be a real bitch sometimes.
Sam: You know it takes one to know one.
Carly: You know, who knows, maybe I can use this for good? Maybe I can get women to line up their boyfriends in front of me, and if I'm attracted to them, they should run -- run -- for their lives.
Oh and there's another one! Sam. Sam is super-pretty. She's got those giant brown eyes and this perfect little nose and she's just plain hot. So what's her problem?
So she's a new mother who's still dealing with being maybe-raped by her husband's long-lost twin brother two years ago and her husband's presumed dead! Big deal: EIGHTY PERCENT OF FEELING GOOD IS LOOKING GOOD, SAM. Seriously.
Who else looks too good to feel bad?
Huh. Nah, Todd and Johnny should go ahead and feel bad. Diane looks good (as always), as does the random jail guard escorting Johnny! I hope he's not upset about anything because that would be silly. How can someone with those cheekbones and a full head of hair feel bad? NOT POSSIBLE. Just ask the hair club!
(Although I do have to also add a shout-out to Todd's jail cell mantra about how he has a daughter and her name is Starr, etc., which was a cool callback to the early days where we saw him on OLTL last year still in captivity, trying to jog his own memories. You know, back when he hung out in undisclosed locations?)
Ellie. Ellie is too pretty to ever feel bad, so I won't allow it. DEAR AFTERNOON TELEVISION PROGRAM, DO NOT BREAK ELLIE'S HEART OR I WILL BREAK YOU.
And finally, Anna looks too good to feel bad or to be so damn absent. So imagine my thrill when her lovely face finally turned up on the "on the next episode" clips. Hark!
In more important news, oh hell yes! Laura is comin' to see us, kids!
Welcome back, Genie! We'll make the place really pretty and warm for you. Plus, you look so good that you must feel good!
I'm so glad we've all found an easy formula with which to judge the world and our own happiness. Thanks, hair club!