I'm In The Midst Of A Shame Spiral
Even though the following conversation is incredibly and almost uncomfortably reminiscent of the oneupsmanship sixth grade girls engage in while crushing on the same boy ("Tim borrowed a pencil from me in math class". "Oh, well, Tim stood next to me in line for lunch, so..." "Yeah, but he spoke to me" "Because he needed something!"), I assure you that it is actually an irony-free conversation with two grown men who are both in love with the same loud, unlikable harridan.
Todd: What did you think of Carly's haircut?
Johnny: What are you talking about?
Todd: Oh, that's right. You didn't get a chance to see it. Let me tell you, man, she looks great. It's short, awesome. You probably won't see it until it's long again. You know, like down to the floor long. And you'll probably have cataracts by then.
Johnny, equal parts jealous, annoyed, and fantasizing about Carly with a haircut: What, did the paddywagon stop at the beauty shop?
Todd: She came to see me at my arraignment. Yeah, after everything we've been through, she still can't shake me.
Johnny, equal parts wanting to throw up and fantasizing about sexing Carly up atop Todd's cold, dead body: How...how'd she look? She look okay?
Todd: She looked HOT. Never looked better. Never, ever.
Johnny, wanting so desperately to have the upper hand in this conversation: You know, Todd, something tells me she didn't show up to show her support for you. She wants you to see waht you're missing.
Todd: She came to see me. Did she come to see you, Johnny? No. She's already forgotten about you.
I wish I could tell you that the above is one of my satirical GH conversations, but no: it was very, very real and very, very off-putting and very, very "For the love OF, gentlemen, this is CARLY you are fighting over. Not that this middle school level of discourse would ever be understandable, but CARLY. CARLY!"
If I keep fast-forwarding through all of the things that make me cringe, I'm only going to be able to sit through any and all Anna scenes, and AJ's plotting. Which really isn't a bad thing. I'm just saying.