Interview With A Vampire King
Full disclosure, y'all. I did not watch Port Charles. It is the one blip in my ABC daytime soap viewing history. I mean I've got The City, Ryan's Hope, Loving, all of 'em. I did watch the very first episode of Port Charles with some friends over a great deal of what was probably tequila and we had good laughs at Audrey's impromptu brain surgery or whatever it was, but I did not have time in my schedule to take on another soap at the time. I was tempted by Lucy Coe, but it just never happened. I sort of vaguely knew about the evolution of the show into conceptual story arcs and I definitely knew that Caleb and Livvie were a hot item, but I don't have the full story.
And I'll admit, when I heard about this upcoming callback to the vampire story, I was less than excited. I'm always on the side of minor stunts or character "gets" that might add some viewers' eyes to the show so that it continues its uptick in ratings, but are there really that many Port Charles viewers who don't already watch General Hospital? And those who don't, would they really be lured back with this sort of thing? Not to mention that this is not like jumping Todd, Starr, and John over from One Life to Live. Because those are now GH characters. They are who they were on OLTL (well, the Todd part has been hotly debated, but you know what I mean). But didn't PC basically happen in some alternate universe? My feeling was always that PC events didn't really happen in GH's Port Charles unless it was occasionally convenient. You'd think someone on GH might have mentioned a vampire takeover in the town. Moreover, Kelly Monaco is not playing Livvie and Michael Easton is not playing Caleb. It's one thing to throw out a few winks at the audience like when Sam and John first met. But it's another to actually turn it into a story arc.
But then I heard this:
Lucy: I am just as impervious to you as I was the day you arrived in Port Charles with that stupid band of yours, thinking you could hypnotize everybody with the glamour. Well, you can't glamour me.
Look, I don't know what the everloving fuck she's talking about, but that is hilarious. HYPNOTIZE EVERYBODY WITH THE GLAMOUR?! He had a band? You mean like a band of marauders or something or a rock band? Either way I am REALLY EXCITED and I need to look this up.
Then later there was this gem:
Lucy: He's turning the police department into his own personal coven!
The PCPD, a coven! I'm enjoying the image. Plus, after Lucy stabbed John with a stake (!), she kept screaming that's he supposed to "combust." I am seriously going to have to hit up YouTube for some of this madness. Combust? I want to see a vampire combust on a daytime soap special effects budget, like, yesterday.
And I imagine for any of us who spent years fuming at John McBain on OLTL for how he treated the women he allegedly loved, this was a pretty fun image...
That said, it's fine with me if they just wrap this little homage up ASAP. Lynn Herring is just awesome and was hysterical in her scenes today, which is always fun to watch, but here's hoping this mini-storyline is super-duper mini (like Lucy's hot dress today).
As for Todd, I just don't care about a Todd who doesn't put Starr above everything else, and he pretty much hasn't done that since the second he found out that Johnny killed Hope and Cole and kept it from her. So I try, I really do. I try to watch for Roger Howarth's charm and the character's excellent snarky one-liners and amusing reactions to the population of Port Charles. I try. But today I was honestly just bored by him. However I must confess that wee tiny Sam trying to overtake Todd physically to keep him from escaping?
I'm a little bit adoring seeing Sonny get a taste of his own medicine. His love interest is a moody piece of work who verbally abuses him at every turn and is an emotional basketcase. Sound familiar? I hope Connie starts hurling barware across the room soon. Karma's a bitch, Corinthos!
And finally (speaking of karma), how hot were A.J. and Carly? What's that all about?
When's the hate sex coming, please? And can he keep calling her out on her hypocrisy and how she brought all this on herself, and running through a litany of her past sins? Because I keep thinking I'm just watching some fantasy sequence and then I realize it's really happening on this show.
And Laura Wright now has an adorable new haircut (huh, what messed-up paramour of Todd Manning's have we seen do that before in a fit of heartbreak and self-loathing? GOSH I CAN'T THINK OF ONE) and got to give part of it to herself on air in the episode that may well be her Emmy reel for this year. Oh, there are so many chickens coming home to roost right now, it's far too fun.
A.J.: Dammit, Carly, I swear only you could take the joy out of a revenge rant.
Well said, sir!