On Awkward Pauses and A Handful Of One-Liners
I was hoping to do a full, old-school recap of Friday's General Hospital. I was. I wanted to! And then after about the eighth time I typed "And then Sonny paused awkwardly and played some seriously stilted word games to refrain from actually saying dead until the PERFECT moment around the half hour mark while Olivia's eyes bugged out of her head meaningfully every time Kate--this IS Kate, right? Still?--asked a question about Trey", I decided that I just couldn't do it. I'm sorry. That is just a REALLY long sentence to type repeatedly. And repeatedly it needed to be typed because honestly, what is this?
Kate: Why? Why can't I go to my son? Sonny, he's alive. You know what that means to me. And Joe Jr.'s dead. Now I can have a relationship with him. I can get to know my son.
Sonny: It's not gonna happen.
Kate: I know it's not gonna be easy. I have a lot of work to do, I have a lot of apologizing to do, but I have to try, right? So, I'm gonna go to him. I'm gonna go to his apartment, and you can't stop me, Sonny.
Sonny: You're not gonna find Trey over there.
Sonny: Because Trey... is gone.
I mean, how tortured is that?! And I didn't even point out the many places in which Sonny just stopped talking mid-sentence, which added at least twelve minutes to each instance of this conversation. I suppose this could have been a conscious choice, and that it was supposed to show how Sonny was fumbling for the words to give Kate some seriously devastating news in a way that wouldn't devastate her so greatly that all of a sudden Connie would be back to gesticulate madly and overact after thirty seconds of successful integration. That is maybe it. And while I appreciate that commitment to realism, it felt like it tripled the length of their scenes.
The rest of the episode was sort of filler, albeit filler that was saved by some (intentionally!) hilarious lines:
- McBain and Lucy on the run together is as delightful as I hoped it would be.
McBain: No. We can't wait. All right, come on. Come on. Listen, Caleb killed Professor Mosser in this office. It's our best chance to find a clue about where he might have taken Sam and Danny.
Rafe: Yeah, but, I mean, the office and building are both closed off. Aren't we gonna get in trouble for breaking in?
McBain: We're escaped fugitives. Really, how much more trouble can we get in?
Dear John McBain: I love you. XOXO, Mallory. When Alexis told Molly that if someone had to look for Sam (which they often do, because she gets kidnapped routinely), she'd want it to be John McBain, I swooned a little bit and dreamily said, "Me, too, Alexis. Me, too".
He also used to term hoo-ha, which is the kind of corny that I find outrageously appealing. What can't he do?!
- Luke's spiral after hearing that Scotty and Laura are planning to re-marry contained lots of insults and bonus Tracy-sass, so I'm kind of loving where this is going.
Luke: Why shouldn't I want to protect Laura from Baldwin? That sleazeball, with his bad-luck-troll hair, is the worst possible thing for her.
I long for the opportunity to snort about someone's bad-luck-troll hair in everyday conversation.
Tracy: The Ice Princess? That ridiculous diamond that the inbred Cassadines used to try to freeze Port Charles? What on earth does that have to do with anything?
Luke: The original Ice Princess held the formula to carbonic snow.
Tracy: That's a sentence I didn't expect to hear today.
I have no idea where this Ice Princess story is going, and I sort of love that.
- Scott: So, um, I thought we could, uh, clear the air, settle some unfinished business, like the fact that you killed my son.
It's funny because he said it so casually, when in reality it's hugely important and emotional for both of them!
It's less funny and specifically not funny at all that they killed Logan in the first place. I'm sorry--I'm irrationally bitter about that, years later (and not JUST because of how horrendously awful the Lulu and Johnny on the run story was, although that is a big part of it. Remember Ghost Logan? REMEMBER HIM? He was a ), because it was such an enormous waste of potential. Luke and Laura's daughter and Scotty's son! That could have given us years of stories. But they broke them up after a handful of episodes because the writers got distracted by Johnny Zacchara, who was shiny and new and "OMG, what's the point in having a new character if we don't pair him IMMEDIATELY with our favorite younger actress? THERE IS NO POINT, OMG, JOHNNY AND LULU FOREVERANDEVER". And if you're convinced that Johnny is so stellar and so compelling and Brandon Barash and Julie Marie Berman have the most electrifying chemistry in daytime (three things that have always been patently false), fine. Write him off temporarily. Like, I don't know, have him freaking move out of town. Does the show seriously not have a budget for brown moving box props? Bring him back later as a recast (although that would be disappointing too, because Josh Duhon was pretty clearly a Kin Shriner clone. Their scenes were like a science fiction novel come to life) but to kill him? Wasteful and terrible, like so much of that terrible GH era. I can't even enjoy the references to the past because said past was so terrible!