Serial Drama

It's Here, It's Here, It's Finally Here!

It's finally February 11th! And we know what that means.

It's Laura Day it's Laura Day it's Laura Day it's Laura Day it's Laura Day it's Laura Day!!!!

Oh and also there was this....

Eww.

Guess who agrees with me?

Laura, that's who!

Now I'm going to do several dances around the room and do some cartwheels and totally ignore the weird silliness about the Vampire McBain and the totally nonchalant way Dante told the police commissioner that one of the PCPD had just been killed on the job. ("Bummer, Anna. Bad news. I forgot the beer." That was about the gist of it.)

Also, is Luke now pronouncing "Robin" with an English accent? What is that about? Is that part of his attempt to woo Anna? (Which he incidentally pronounces Ah-na. Ugh.)

The Hills Are Alive With The Sound of My Rejoicing

Even though All My Children ended many months ago, I still find my mind wandering to the residents of Pine Valley every so often. Sometimes it's because I'm still complaining about the show's cliffhanger--you say "I think it's about time you made your piece with an admittedly terrible episode of television and move on, you lunatic", to which I respond that I AM a lunatic, but the show ended with either a mass bloodbath of people we've come to love of, if we're viewing things as optimistically as possible, a very public attempted suicide, so I think I have a few more YEARS of justified complaining. Other times, it's because I've coined a hilariously mean turn of phrase and regret not being able to use it to describe Ryan Lavery. And still other times, it's just a knowing sigh when I see a large bottle of hairspray.

I've also, like anybody with a heart, wondered what David Canary has been up to (I tried long and hard of a way to write that sentence with minimal creepiness and that's about the best I could do). Is he still acting? Not enough, according to IMDB--the last thing I saw him in was a (hilarious) episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm. Did he take up some sort of awesome hobby? He seems like the time who would find an offbeat hobby and just do it amazingly well. Maybe he travels? I don't know and I'm going to just cut myself off here before this blog becomes a David Canary fanfiction site and say the hell with clever segues: the man is coming back to our televisions. Well, computer monitors. Yes, he's joining Prospect Park's AMC!

Great news! Soaps In Depth has heard from multiple performers connected to the re-launch of ALL MY CHILDREN that Emmy-winners Susan Lucci (Erica) and David Canary (Adam/Stuart) will be part of the soap's new version set to debut online later this spring. As of now, Lucci, alas, will appear in just one episode while Canary will be seen on an ongoing basis.

Storylines are being kept under wraps, but In Depth also hears that AMC will have a heavy emphasis on a group of high school characters and that the series will be set five years from the moment JR readied to start shooting beloved Pine Valley citizens in the broadcast finale. Speaking of JR, In Depth also hears that the re-launched AMC will be start off with Adam and Dixie's son waking up from a coma...

Isn't that so...I want to say so amazingly exciting, but the truth of the matter is that it sounds almost entirely horrible. Euphoria never really lasts long for me, does it? "A heavy emphasis on a group of high school characters"? I full body shuddered. At least David Canary will be around on "an ongoing basis", whatever that means--having Adam Chandler around will go a long way in making storylines surrounded on teenage randoms a little better.

The Bold & the Beautiful: Week In Review

Last week on The Bold & the Beautiful, Dayzee's storyline got approximately 75 seconds of air time in which she flashed back to an angry Maya, wanting her child back....

And also Dayzee looked at a blue folder a lot.

Marcus and Carter stumbled upon said blue folder. 

Dayzee "finally" had to 'fess up that she used to be involved in helping out with adoptions for the various downtrodden women she was working with. And she thinks she's in trouble!

Uh oh!

Other than those 75 seconds, all the episodes this week were reruns. That's certainly how it appeared -- how else could we be watching the same awful people standing around having the same tedious conversations about Hope, Liam, and Steffy? Years after this shit began? We couldn't possibly. CBS must be saving a ton of money just airing repeats and telling us they're new. Obviously we saw this face a lot:

And it was all pretty irrelevant and will amount to absolutely nothing.

The More I Know, The Less I Understand

It's a good thing that most of my friends regard my General Hospital viewership as a strange character quirk of mine and don't ever try to engage me in conversation about it, because I'm at a loss imagining how I'd even recap recent episodes for them. "Well, John McBain has a doppelganger--does it still count as a doppelganger if the double in question has hair MUCH longer than his? I guess if everyone else in town is incapable of telling them apart, the hair mustn't be that big an issue. Anyway, John McBain has a doppelganger who is either a vampire or just your everyday psychopath who kills people and then licks blood.

Also, Todd and Carly are totally, like, heartbroken that they can't be together.

And there will almost definitely be a frontburner storyline that revolves around relish.

So yeah...this show is getting pretty good".

(And is it just me or is the Todd/Carly story the LEAST believable of the stories mentioned above? Their instant friendship and instant...intstanter (?) love doesn't ring true and you'd have to think that at least one of them, in a moment of rationality, would realize that not dating a walking personality disorder is actually the best thing that could happen to them. But no, they are soooo sad!)

I am having a tough time reconciling how much I enjoy watching this show (the hour FLIES by) and how kind of...bizzarre and ridiculous it is. Hardly any of it makes sense and (I think?) I am (mostly?) opposed to the entire vampire thing--I mean, my first reaction is a groan and a cringe and a "Oh, god, no, not vampires, ew, ugh god" but I am still sort of captivated by it and interested in seeing where it goes. Michael Easton, what have you done to me?!--and little Rafe is kind of not a very good actor (unless he's MEANT to be almost catatonic with fear and panic, in which case he is hitting every single not) and smug Sonny is the worst Sonny and what on earth is the deal with Shawn, really?! But then Connie and Tracy fist-bump each other and I can't help but think, "I am so freaking lucky to be watching this show".

Or maybe I have blizzard cabin fever and have lost my mind. It's possible.

Sometimes Absence Makes The Heart Just Fine

Hang on a second. Was that an actual PCPD briefing on an ongoing investigation? Like, where a higher-ranking officer provided information to a team of people? People employed by the PCPD? They actually have a staff for more than filing?

(I loved how these mug shots reflected reality for these ladies -- Heather's seriously dangerous, Lucy's just a kook.)

Is that a member of the PCPD taking notes on a criminal investigation? Where are we?

Why aren't they just letting some non-police entity solve the crimes and save the day? I'm really confused.

Oh wait, no I'm not. BECAUSE JASON MORGAN ISN'T ON THIS SHOW ANYMORE.

Meanwhile, I really liked the color of Olivia's dress.

Also, hey girls! Whoa.

Otherwise, what was I supposed to be rooting for in this scene? Connie to let Kristina off the hook? Because I am meant to care about Kristina? Now I'm lost again, and this time it doesn't seem to be about Jason's absence.

The Fantasy & the Reality

Oh man. If only the brief and fleeting dream of today's B&B was a real thing. I mean yeah, I know we're not going to see someone waking up from a dream in tomorrow's episode (or watching this all inside a snow globe), but I just mean in terms of what it will bring.

Can there seriously be any B&B viewers left that don't want the Steffy/Liam/Hope triangle to end? Sure, there are probably people who are rooting for it to end with one couple or the other (and I envy them because I do not see either pairing as defensible, especially to my stomach), but I really do feel like we could all join hands in peaceful and rare soap fan unanimity and say we all want it over. Regardless of how or why or with whom. 

Yesterday was a bit of a starter fantasy, with Steffy saying all the right things. Demanding that Liam make a choice, that he show both her and Hope some respect by stopping the waffling. Basically she verbally bitch-slapped him in an attempt to get him to man up. She also insisted that she doesn't want to get into the same cycle that her mother spent her whole life in, waiting for a man whose heart was divided and letting him stay with her out of loyalty alone. (A soap character trying not to get a commitment from a man by using a pregnancy? What kind of vortex are we in here?!)

Today? Well, he almost did man up.

Liam: Steffy, I can't keep rebounding between two women I love, taking turns making them miserable. It's not right. It's not morally right, not to mention unfair and ungrateful to both of you. I am so done making decisions based on false information and bad impulses. I'm done.

Steffy's approach sure did backfire. Her wooing Liam has long been about being the "cool" one, the one who says she'll make no demands and won't ever pressure him or challenge him or make him feel tied down, while Hope's wooing tactic is basically, "SHUT UP YOU'RE GONNA MARRY ME!" Anyway, he called Steffy's bluff and said she should move out and that he needs to focus on himself and who he is and what he wants.

All I Need (Is More Ridiculousness Because It Brings Me Joy)

Only two important things happened on today's General Hospital and the word "important" is probably the understatement of this short year. "Momentous" would be more apt, I think. Perhaps even "life-changing".

The first is, obviously, Frisco's return.

EXCLAMATION POINT EXCLAMATION POINT EXCLAMATION POINT.

I knew Jack Wagner was coming back. Even if I didn't know Jack Wagner was coming back, the entirety of today's Mac/Felicia/Kevin scenes were filled with so much foreshadowing amidst the 90s nostalgia and Felicia annoyingness (I am able to stand Felicia about 60 percent of the time and the rest of the time, she makes me nutty. I can't even predict it! There are some entire episodes that I watch thinking "Aw, Felicia! So good to have you back" and they are in no way different from the episode that makes me rage-y. I think the moral of this story is that I am an obnoxious person) that I'd still have a pretty good idea that Frisco would be showing his well-preserved face at some point before 3PM.

Felicia: Mac and I have been apart a lot, and that's my fault. But I know -- well, I've always known that, deep down, if I really needed him and I got into trouble, he would be there for me.
Mac: I would. I would. Just like I know felicia would show up for me.
Kevin: And I'm happy for both of you. But this situation is a little different, don't you think? You don't have a vampire between you.
Mac: We had Frisco. Does that count?
Felicia: The point is, is that we got past it. I put Frisco behind me.

So even with all of that obviousness and prior knowledge and DUH in mind, I still clapped a little when he made his grand entrance. It was so soapy! Frisco!

The second was Caleb's hair extensions.